When you call into Health Insurance Inc, you go through one of those auto-prompt-selector type things to reach your destination
Eg:
For existing account enquiries, press 1
For new account enquiries, press 2
For travel insurance, press 3
There are no 'real' people to speak with at this menu

And so on, and so forth...you get the drift my friends :)

So let's set the seen. Grumpy old guy calls in. And let me tell you, he was grumpy from the word GO. Real bee up this guy's ass

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Well you can start by training your staff better!"

Me [with a big SIGH inside] - "I'm sorry sir, what seems to be the problem"

Stupid Customer - "None of you people know what you're doing! The stupid girl just put me through to the switch!"

NOTE - at this stage I am quite impressed, given that we do not actually have a 'switch' area/board/anything of that goddamn nature...so how he was transferred through to such an area is intriguing! Alas, I must stay professional...

Me - "I apologise for the confusion sir. We do not actually have a switch area, but perhaps I can help you?"

Stupid Customer - "No, she transferred me to the switch! And then they transferred me back to the first area, and then a bloke put me straight through to *Your Competition* [so a complete separate health fund], and then the girl there transferred me back and then I got put through to the switch again, and then now I got you! So I suggest you take this to the highest authority and get some training for your staff because you're all imcompetent!"

*It is blatantly obvious that the old dude has had trouble with the automated system and/or not listened to the option properly and, as a result, gone on a bit of a loop-de-loop. However, not wanting to make Mr Grumpy feel like the ass_shat that he in, I again try to remain professional...*

Me - "Okay. Again I apologise sir, but I must say again that we do not actually have a switch area, we certainly do not have a direct line to our competition, and there are no live operators there when you call in. I would love to assist you so perhaps now that you've reached me I can get your account number..."

*he interrupts me*

Stupid Customers - "No no no NO, NO don't you go makin' excuses for them missy, you're just as bad as they are! I hope this call is recorded! Now you do what I say and you go and tell the higher authority there that they need to provide training!"

Me - "I can certainly pass your concerns on sir, but I'm afraid we do not provide training to our customers to teach them how to use the automated phone system"

Stupid Customer - "What?"

Me, still in uber professional voice - "It's just not a service that the company provides sir"



See, I'm all for remaining 110% professional at all times. And I will always go above and beyond for our customers - the nice ones that is ;)
Though kindly be warned that should you call in and start to veer off into the land of dumb-f*ckery, I will have no choice but to pull out my passive-agressive light saber and go all sarcastic and happy-go-la-la on your a*s

Just so you know
:D