Okay. I am sorry, but I am officially sick to f*cing death of idiots calling in who are completely and utterly unprepared and/or have no idea what the f*ck they're actually calling in the first place.
Let me exemplify.
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?
Stupid Customer - "Ummm, yeah, yeah so...ummm...I got like, like, ummm, like a fund thing, you know...ummm...with you like with cover and....I just need to , like....ummm....check stuff"
Me - "Okay. May I please start with your memebrship number sir?"
Stupid Customer - "I dont have it"
Me - "Okay, no problem. If I could please get your name, I can bring the policy up that way"
Stupid Customer - "Ummm, yeah, like, ummmm, my names um, its Rob"
*silence*
Me - "Okay. And your surname please?"
Stupid Customer - "Ummm, like, my last name's, like, like Smith"
Me - "Okay, thanks. How could I help you there today?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, so like, with my, like fund, ummmm....ummmm....what am I , like, ummm, you know...."
Me - "I'm sorry sir, no, I dont know what youre referring to?"
Stupid Customer - "Like with my, like...um....my fund, like the cover?"
Me - "You want to know what you're covered for sir?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! Yeah like, ummm, like what am I paying for and stuff?"
Me - "Okay, well, you have cover for quite a long list of services, was there a particular service you were wanting me to check for you sir?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, like, ummm, yeah, like, check my cover"
Me - "Okay sir, well, we can start with the hospital cover if you like?"
Stupid Customer - "Ummmm, yeah, yeah nar, like, ummm....like Im in like, ummm, a rush, so like, can you just, unmmm....just ummm, like ummm, tell me what I got and sh*t?"
OH how I wish I could hang up on people like this. I really do. They make my brain want to committ suicide.
Tuesday 17 January 2012
Sunday 15 January 2012
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer, in a REALLY stuck up voice - "What do you want first? The reference number of the claim you stuffed up?"
Me - "Just the membership number to the account please ma'am, and I can proceed from there"
*I get all her details, bring up the claim in question, read through it, and prepare to watch a rude woman get OWNED*
Stupid Customer - "Right so you got my claim there? Huh? Do you? Got it on your screen, yeah?"
Me - "Yes ma'am, I have here your pharmacy claim. I can see it is for *name of item*, whcih pays a set rebate of $20 regardless of the cost of the item or your level of cover. I can see that you received that set $20, so how could I help you today with that one?"
Stuipd Customer - "Um...WHAT? I only get $20 back? Surely that is a GRAVE ERROR!"
Me - "No ma'am, as advised this item pays a set rebate of $20. If you refer to your policy guide or our website and look up this item, you will see it states there quite clearly that the set rebate is $20. So I can definetely get the claim looked into if you like, but I just need you to please advise what the actual error with the claim is?"
*insert sweet smile*
Stupid Customer - "Well this is just a JOKE. Pathetic! Such a measly amount, which do I even bother"
Me - "As mentioend ma'am, these kinds of benefits are well publicised and it is your choice to claim or not"
Stupid Customer - "Whatever. You guys are a rip off" ... *CLICK*
Okay. So. I do FULLY get that not everyone will be happy with the rebates they get. And that is fine, you are more than welcome to call in and gripe about that [to an extent]
BUT
DONT call in RUDE and on your freakin high horse from the get go when you havent bothered to ever read what it is that you are ACTUALLY entitled to
That will just make you look stupid. Oh so stupid.
That is all
:D
Stupid Customer, in a REALLY stuck up voice - "What do you want first? The reference number of the claim you stuffed up?"
Me - "Just the membership number to the account please ma'am, and I can proceed from there"
*I get all her details, bring up the claim in question, read through it, and prepare to watch a rude woman get OWNED*
Stupid Customer - "Right so you got my claim there? Huh? Do you? Got it on your screen, yeah?"
Me - "Yes ma'am, I have here your pharmacy claim. I can see it is for *name of item*, whcih pays a set rebate of $20 regardless of the cost of the item or your level of cover. I can see that you received that set $20, so how could I help you today with that one?"
Stuipd Customer - "Um...WHAT? I only get $20 back? Surely that is a GRAVE ERROR!"
Me - "No ma'am, as advised this item pays a set rebate of $20. If you refer to your policy guide or our website and look up this item, you will see it states there quite clearly that the set rebate is $20. So I can definetely get the claim looked into if you like, but I just need you to please advise what the actual error with the claim is?"
*insert sweet smile*
Stupid Customer - "Well this is just a JOKE. Pathetic! Such a measly amount, which do I even bother"
Me - "As mentioend ma'am, these kinds of benefits are well publicised and it is your choice to claim or not"
Stupid Customer - "Whatever. You guys are a rip off" ... *CLICK*
Okay. So. I do FULLY get that not everyone will be happy with the rebates they get. And that is fine, you are more than welcome to call in and gripe about that [to an extent]
BUT
DONT call in RUDE and on your freakin high horse from the get go when you havent bothered to ever read what it is that you are ACTUALLY entitled to
That will just make you look stupid. Oh so stupid.
That is all
:D
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "What?"
Me - "You've come through to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you today sir?"
Stupid Customer - "What?! Speak up!"
Me, raising my voice - "Hello sir, youve come through to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you today?"
Stupid Customer - "Oh god, I can't hear you! For f*ck sake! [to someone in background] This girls a f*cking idiot!"
Me, voice now deadpan - "I can hear you fine sir. How can I help?"
Stupid Customer - "WHAT!!! I cant hear a word you're saying! [again to person in background] F*ck this girl is an idiot, I swear, a massive f*cking idiot, she's all ooohhhh how can I HELP you today SIIIIR, hahahahaha"
Me - "Im sorry sir, it seems you're having some trouble on your end there because I can actually hear you perfectly well, you might want to call back from different line?"
Stupid Customer - "What! You're just going to hang up on me! What kind of bullsh*t service is that?!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, you advised me that you couldn't hear me at all?"
Stupid Customer - "Of course I could hear you you f*cking idiot1 Jeez, lighten up! I'm just messing around with you! it's not like it matters anyway, you're just a call centre monkey! And I'm the customer and I can treat you however I like! [To person in background] God can you believe this girl? Who does she think she is? Hahahahaha"
Me - *hangs up*
What a douche.
Stupid Customer - "What?"
Me - "You've come through to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you today sir?"
Stupid Customer - "What?! Speak up!"
Me, raising my voice - "Hello sir, youve come through to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you today?"
Stupid Customer - "Oh god, I can't hear you! For f*ck sake! [to someone in background] This girls a f*cking idiot!"
Me, voice now deadpan - "I can hear you fine sir. How can I help?"
Stupid Customer - "WHAT!!! I cant hear a word you're saying! [again to person in background] F*ck this girl is an idiot, I swear, a massive f*cking idiot, she's all ooohhhh how can I HELP you today SIIIIR, hahahahaha"
Me - "Im sorry sir, it seems you're having some trouble on your end there because I can actually hear you perfectly well, you might want to call back from different line?"
Stupid Customer - "What! You're just going to hang up on me! What kind of bullsh*t service is that?!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, you advised me that you couldn't hear me at all?"
Stupid Customer - "Of course I could hear you you f*cking idiot1 Jeez, lighten up! I'm just messing around with you! it's not like it matters anyway, you're just a call centre monkey! And I'm the customer and I can treat you however I like! [To person in background] God can you believe this girl? Who does she think she is? Hahahahaha"
Me - *hangs up*
What a douche.
Thursday 5 January 2012
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Your automatic payment line told me to come here"
*silence*
Me - "Oh...okay. Did it...um...I'm sorry. Just to clarify ma'am, because our payment line is fully automated - when you say it told you to 'come here', what exactly do you mean by that?"
Stupid Customer - *sigh* "I tried to pay my bill, so I'm TRYING to give you people money, and it said there was an error and I had to call this number to get it resolved. I better be getting a months free premium on my policy for this, it's a massive inconvenience that your systems are broken like this! I'm just trying to do the right thing and pay my bill here!"
Me - "Okay ma'am. So when you say it said there was an error, what was the exact error message being given so I can have a look into this for you?"
Stupid Customer - "It didn't say anything, it just said there was an error and I had to call you. I had better be compensated for this"
Ah-huh. At this stage I am calling bullshit every which way. Why? out automated system is set in a way where you key in details and that's it. There is no 'voice' going on about 'errors' and all this crapola. If the system is down, you can't dial through at all. Simple.
Me - "Hmmmm. That sounds very unusual ma'am. I mean, as far as I'm aware our payment system doesn't have the function of a voice-over..."
*interrupting me*
Stupid Customer - "LOOK it said there was a f*cking error so you gonna fix it or what? Or are ya' stupid or somethin', huh?"
Me, now deadpan - "What was your membership number?"
Stupid Customer - "I dunno, I gotta go grab it, how come you need it?"
Me - "The 'error' that you're talking about is not one that I have ever heard of before ma'am, I was not aware it existed, therefore to try and pinpoint the problem I'm going to have to log into your account and view the activity log, that may indicate to me where things are going wrong"
Stupid Customer - "Fine, whatever"
*She gives me her membership details. I log in...read the activity log...and with a HUGE smile go back to the line and say in the MOST polite, sweet-as-pie voice I can muster...*
Me - "Thanks for holding there ma'am. So I can see here that you actually dialled the payment line several times in the past few minutes, and each time made it through to the payment section when you enter your credit card details. It shows here that each time you did that, your card was declined, at which point you disconnected the call on your end. There are no errors recorded - all that's happened here ma'am is you called our payment line several times and then hung up each time your card was declined. As such I'm sorry but there is no error with our systems, you are not entitled to any form of compensation. You are welcome to make payment on your policy once your credit card issue has been resovled on your end"
Stupid Customer, muttering - "Bitch"... *CLICK*
Ah-huh.
Now that's what I call OWNED.
Stupid Customer - "Your automatic payment line told me to come here"
*silence*
Me - "Oh...okay. Did it...um...I'm sorry. Just to clarify ma'am, because our payment line is fully automated - when you say it told you to 'come here', what exactly do you mean by that?"
Stupid Customer - *sigh* "I tried to pay my bill, so I'm TRYING to give you people money, and it said there was an error and I had to call this number to get it resolved. I better be getting a months free premium on my policy for this, it's a massive inconvenience that your systems are broken like this! I'm just trying to do the right thing and pay my bill here!"
Me - "Okay ma'am. So when you say it said there was an error, what was the exact error message being given so I can have a look into this for you?"
Stupid Customer - "It didn't say anything, it just said there was an error and I had to call you. I had better be compensated for this"
Ah-huh. At this stage I am calling bullshit every which way. Why? out automated system is set in a way where you key in details and that's it. There is no 'voice' going on about 'errors' and all this crapola. If the system is down, you can't dial through at all. Simple.
Me - "Hmmmm. That sounds very unusual ma'am. I mean, as far as I'm aware our payment system doesn't have the function of a voice-over..."
*interrupting me*
Stupid Customer - "LOOK it said there was a f*cking error so you gonna fix it or what? Or are ya' stupid or somethin', huh?"
Me, now deadpan - "What was your membership number?"
Stupid Customer - "I dunno, I gotta go grab it, how come you need it?"
Me - "The 'error' that you're talking about is not one that I have ever heard of before ma'am, I was not aware it existed, therefore to try and pinpoint the problem I'm going to have to log into your account and view the activity log, that may indicate to me where things are going wrong"
Stupid Customer - "Fine, whatever"
*She gives me her membership details. I log in...read the activity log...and with a HUGE smile go back to the line and say in the MOST polite, sweet-as-pie voice I can muster...*
Me - "Thanks for holding there ma'am. So I can see here that you actually dialled the payment line several times in the past few minutes, and each time made it through to the payment section when you enter your credit card details. It shows here that each time you did that, your card was declined, at which point you disconnected the call on your end. There are no errors recorded - all that's happened here ma'am is you called our payment line several times and then hung up each time your card was declined. As such I'm sorry but there is no error with our systems, you are not entitled to any form of compensation. You are welcome to make payment on your policy once your credit card issue has been resovled on your end"
Stupid Customer, muttering - "Bitch"... *CLICK*
Ah-huh.
Now that's what I call OWNED.
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