Some sure fire ways to strike out with me. All of these have happened today already:

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Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Actually it more like how can *I* can help *YOU. You people are useless so listen up, I'm about to teach you how to do your job"

Hahahahaha no.
I am raising my eyebrows something crazy at you right now.

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Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "I can't hear you!"

Me, speaking louder - "Is that better sir?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah.....[muttering] bi*ch"

Yeah. You can't hear me but I can hear you. A*shole.

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Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "I'll tell ya' what my problem is but I doubt you can help me, you people are all useless!"

Ah-huh. I'm really going to try and help you now aren't I? Moron.

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Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer, eating loudly in my ear - "CHEW CHEW, MUNCH, CHEW, CRUNCH, CHEW CHEW CHEW"

I hope the next sound is CHOKE.

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Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer, coughing loudly in my ear - "COUGH COUGH......COUGH COUGH COUGH!....SPLUTTER....COUGH!!!....little splutter....BIG COUGH!....cough cough....COUGH!"

Another one where I wish they would choke.

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Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "I just want to update my address, is that so f*king hard?!"

Well, ordinarily, no, no it is actually quite simple ma'am.
But come to me with that attitude and you better believe that this is now going to be one the hardest transactions fo your life
[Of course, not really! but that is what I thought, goddang-it!]