Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?

Stupid Customer - "Yes, hello. I'm just calling because I want to change the way my bills are sent"

Me - "Okay sir, lets take a look at your options"

Stupid Customer - "Oh no, that's not necessary. I already know what I want. My bill is due on the first of each month, so I need one of the staff there to call me the day before each month to remind me"

Me - "Oh. Okay, well, I'm sorry sir but that is not a service that the fund provides. Our bills are only sent out via mail or email"

Stupid Customer - "I'm sorry, you must not have heard me correctly. I wasn't asking you, I was telling  you that you will  have a staff member call me the day before my payment is due each month"

Me, in a super sweet voice - "Yes sir, I did hear what you said, but I was also telling you that we are not able to do that"

Stupid Customer - "I see. Well it would apear that we have a problem then missy"

Me - "Okay, in what way sir?"

Stupid Customer - "In the way that I will not stand for greedy corporations destroying our trees by sending out mail, and destroying our atmosphere by running insanely huge computer systems that leak toxic fumes into our environment"

Me - "I respect your views sir, however that does not change the fact that we cannot organise a staff member to call you personally month to month to remind you to pay your bill on time. We can stop sending you bills all together if you like though, and you would just need to keep a reminder steup on your end? may i suggest a written note or a op-up or alarm of some sort?"

Stupid Customer - "No, I should not be held responsible for paying my own bills!"

Me - "Okay sir. Well the options you have are to either have a bill sent via standard mail, via email, or to not have a bill sent at all and to set a reminder on your end. Those are your options"

Stupid Customer - "Well young lady. I hope it weighs heavily on your mind that you personally are destroying our planet Earth, and that you personally will be rsponsible for the pain and suffering form future generations. You will be hearing from my lawyer about this"

*CLICK*, as he then hangs up.

Gotta love those "Im'ma get my lawyer to contact ya'll!" folks
*eye roll*