Monday 29 August 2011

Stupid Customer - "Hi, my wife recently died so I need to take her off the policy and get a refund on all the extra I paid, I've been paying for a couple and it should ahve been single"

Me - "Sure I can help with that. Ok so...oh, oh ok...I can see you've called a few times about this already?"

Stupid Customer - "No I haven't"

Me - "Okay...well I can see you called on this date, this date, this date, this date... and...okay...so the first time you called you advised us your wife died...5 years ago? And we advised we can remove her now but we cannot backpay you 5 years worth of premium, we can only backdate it about 3 mths at the most. Then it is noted you swore and hung up. Then you called back adn said your wife died 6mths ago, we told you we need a copy of the death certificate, you again swore and hung up. Then you called and said your wife died about 3month ago..."

***interrupting me***

Stupid Customer - "I never called. I need to take off my wife who recently died and get all my money back"

Me - "Ok. Well the process is, we need a copy of the death certificate sent to us, and it must be a verified copy. We then remove that person as of the date of death of the certificate, and we can refund up to 6mths worth of over paid premium"

Stupid Customer - "I don't have the death certificate. It was lost"

Me - "That's fine, a verified copy is fine"

Stupid Customer - "I can't get a copy, I don't have time for this!"

Me - "I apologise but this is our requirement, particularly in the case where a refund is required"

Stupid Customer - "This is bullsh*t, my wife just died and you're making me jump through hoops! Can I speak to a manager?"

*** I feel a bit bad for him in case he is actually telling the truth [somehow], so I place him on hold and go and speak to a manager. We read through all the notes on the policy, and I return***

Me - "Ok, I just spoke to a manager..."

***interrupting me again***

Stupid Customer - "So when am I getting my refund?!"

Me - "They aren't able to refun you anything, and I will explain why. We have notes dating back just voer 5 years when you did first call to advise us your wife passed away. We told you then to send the death certificate to finalise this. Four times over the 6 mths beyond that we called you ourselves to advise we hadn't yet received the death certificate and reminded you to send it to ensure you would get your refund. Each time, you swore at the people calling you, saying that you would do what you liked and when you felt like it. Since then we also sent numerous letters reminding you to send the death certificate so the timeframe didn't lapse, and we got no response"

Stupid Customer - "I don't care, I'm telling you to do this and you WILL do this"

Me - "No, sorry, we wont"

Stupid Customer - "Get me a manager then"

Me - "I'm sorry, as mentioned I just spoke to my manager, and they dont take calls where the information they will provide is identical to what you ahve already been told, that would be a waste of time and they are busy people"

Stupid Customer - "I want to lodge a complaint then"

Me - "Sure, I'll note that down and pass that through. Now, on what grounds are you lodging a complaint?"

Stupid Customer - "You people wont give me my money back!"

Me - "As mentioned we gave you every opportunity to get your manager back, you ignored our reuqests and advice, we explained the consequences, you continued to ignore us, and you also abused us. So I can pass this through but I need a VALID reason for complaint please"

*CLICK*

Moron
Stupid Customer - "Hi, um, I got a letter saying my payment bounced"

Me - "Ok no problems, were you just wanting to pay that one today over the phone?"

Stupid Customer - "No"

***silence***

Me - "Ok...how can I help with that one today then?"

Stupid Customer - "It said it bounced"

Me - "Yes, I can see that. How can I help you with that today?"

Stupid Customer - "Why did it bounce?"

Me - "It just says here your bank rejected it. It doesn't give us a specific reason why, other than for you to contact your bank. That's why we send you the letter saying it bounced and you are advised to contact your bank"

Stupid Customer - "I had money in there"

Me - "Ok. But as mentioned, it will not tell us on our end the reason the payment didn't go through. You need to call your bank to ask why. It is your bank that did not honour the payment. Did you want me to at least check your bank details to ensuer they are correct?"

Stupid Customer - "I don't have my bank details, I didn't think you would need them! So why didn't you take the money? The money was in my account!"

Me - "AGAIN , you need to call your bank adn ask THEM why they did not honnour the payment. they do not advise us why. They just give us a message advisign that you, the member, needs to contact them. I suggest you call your bank"

Stupid Customer - "I don't understand why you didn't take the money though, it was there in the account..."

Me - *FML*
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Put me through to your dental appointment line"

Me - "Sure. were you after the city or the suburbs dental clinic?"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT?!"

Me - "......um....which dental clinic do you want me to put you through to? The city or suburb clinic?"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?!"

Me - "I just need to know WHICH dental clinic you want to be transferred to!"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT, WHY?! Isn't this Health Insurance Inc?"

Me - "Yes, it is. And we have 2 dental clinics. I need to know WHICH one you want me to put you through to"

Stupid Customer - "NEITHER! I'm in *says a completely different state*"

Me - "We have no dental clinics up there, sorry"

Stupid Customer - "I was there the other DAY, you stupid girl!"

Me - "Ah-huh. I knwo for fact SIR that we do not have a dental clinic up there. As you were just speaking I went online and looked up the nearest health fund branded dental clinic in your area. Were you perhaps after Our Comptetitor Inc?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah that's the number I called!"

Me - "No, it's not. I've mentioned a few times this is Health Insurance Inc. You've called the wrong number"

Stupid Customer - "Haven't I called 1800222999?!"

Me - "Yep. And that is OUR number. You looked up and dialled the wrong number. I suggest you locate the correct number and then call the CORRECT company. That would be a good starting point"

Stupid Customr - "Whatever"

*CLICK*

Thursday 25 August 2011

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I...."

***interrupting me***

Stupid Customer - "You people stuffed up my payments! You took out too much! You WILL get this fixed RIGHT NOW! How DARE you steal money from me!"

Me - "Okay... what was your membership number, I'll bring up your payments and have a look at what's happened and what we can do for you"

Stupid Customer - "You people STOLE from me is what happened! Give me my f**king money back!"

Me - "I need to look at your policy before I can do anything..."

Stupid Customer - "It's 2993810!"

Me - "Ok. Okay, so I can see here we took out $200..."

Stupid Customer - "I pay $100 a month! Give me back the other $100 that you people STOLE!"

Me - "You upgraded to a higher level of cover recently, the new premium is $200 a month"

Stupid Customer - "I KNOW I upgraded, but I pay $100 a month! Are you stupid or something?"

Me - "Um... well no, no I'm not. When you upgrade you level of cover, the price goes up...."

***interrupting me***

Stupid Customer - "WHAT?! No-one told me that! And that makes no sense, that is bullsh*t! WHY would the price go up just because I upgrade my cover?!"

Me - "It states here that we advised of the new rate prior to putting through thebupgrade and you agreed to it, it would have also been sent out in writing..."

Stupid Customer - "Well yeah I KNOW the girl told me it would be more, but I thought she was just joking! Why the f**k would it cost me more to have a higher level of cover?! You people are rip-offs!"

Me - "Well, you are now receiving more, and higher, benefits back. To receive more back, you have to pay more"

Stupid Customer - "That's bullsh*t. I'm going to go to the MEDIA and REPORT you people! what do you think about that huh!"

Me - "Yes, you do that ma'am. if you would like to complain to the media about having to pay a higher rate to receive a higher service, then by all means, go for it. Good luck with that"

Stupid Customer - "I'm going to take you people DOWN! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

*CLICK*
This guy calling in was about 65 years old...

Me - "Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Ohhhh, you can 'help' me anytime you like love, hahahahahahahahahah"

Me - *deadpan silence*

Stupid Customer - "Ohhhh I was just jokin' around love, ease up! Anyway I just called to get a new card sent out"

Me - "Ok, I can organise that for you. Where would you like that mailed to?"

Stupid Customer - "How 'bouts you deliver that in person so I can put a face to that pretty young voice, hahahahahahahahahahah"

Me  - *deadpan silence again*

Stupid Customer - "Awwww I'm just muckin' round with ya love. So you got that all organised for me then?"

Me - "Yes, I've requested a card be sent to your address on file. Would you like one sent for your WIFE as well? If you're not sure I could give her a quick call and double check with her?"

Stupid Customer - "Errr, no, no that'll be right love, that's all for today..."
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Hi!"

Me - "Hello. How can I help you"

Stupid Customer - "How are you?"

Me - "Good thanks. How are you?"

Stupid Customer - "Good, good"

***silence***

Me - "How can I help you today?"

Stupid Customer - "Hows your day been?"

Me - "Good. How about yours?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah pretty good, pretty good"

***silence***

Me - "So...how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Hows the weather there?"

Me - "It started out nice and sunny, but I can see storm clouds brewing on the horizon....."

Stupid Customer - "Just some claim forms please"

Me - "Done and done"
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Is this Health Insurance Inc?"

Me - "Yes, this is Health Insurance Inc. How can I help?"

Stupid Customer - "Health Insurance Inc?"

Me - "Yes. Health Insurance Inc."

Stupid Customer - "Right. I have a policy."

***silence***

Me - "Ok, how could I help with that today?"

Stupid Customer - "I'm not sure, but have I called Health Insurance Inc?"

Me - "Yes. Yes you have."

Stupid Customer - "Health Insurance Inc?"

Me - "Health Insurance Inc"

Stupid Customer - "Yes?"

Me - "Yes."

Stupid Customer - "I lost my keys. I have to go"

***click***

Stupid Customer - "Hi, I had a missed call and a message to call here"

Me - "Ok, may I please start with your memebrship number?"

Stupid Customer - "I don't have one, I'm not a member"

Me - "Oh ok, usually we would only be contacting our members. Hmm, let's see. What was the name of the person who left the message? I'll see if I can get a hold of them for you"

Stupid Customer - "They didn't leave their name. They just said to call, I don't know why"

Me - "Oh....kay. Hmmm, this is a bit unusual I must admit, as mentioned we only normally contact existing members, and our staff are always quite careful in ensuring they leave their name and their extension. May I please get your name so I can ask on my end who it was that called you?"

Stupid Customer - "YOU called ME!"

Me - "I understand, but without any information handy I need to try and locate who it was that called you adn why so that we are able to assist"

Stupid Customer - "It was probably about my payments, I'm a bit behind"

Me - "Oh...kay. So, just to clarify, you were saying before you weren't actually a member, so can I just confirm what payment it is you would be referring to?"

Stupid Customer - "Did you want my membership number, would that help? Tracey said to call about my payments, are you gonna help me or not, YOU people called ME!"

Me - *eye roll*

Dipshit
Stupid Customer - "Hi, so like I've got a policy with you guys"

***silence***

Me - "Ok, and how can I help you today?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummmm so yeah, I've got a policy and I've, like, got a question with it"

Me - "Sure, what was your enquiry today?"

Stupid Customer - "Soooo, so like, yeah so I've got a policy and I like, want to know my cover?"

Me - "Not a problem. And what service were you wanting to check the cover for?"

Stupid Customer - "Like, on like, my policy? I've got a policy with you guys"

*NOTE - each policy has literally dozens upon dozens of different areas of cover, all very varied*

Me - "Okay... so to maybe narrow it down a bit, were you referring to the hospital cover on your policy, or the ancillary cover?"

Stupid Customer - "Ohhh, I have, like hospital cover? What does that mean?"

Me - "It means if you are admitted into a private hospital, you can claim a certain portion of your expenses back, depending on what you are being admitted for"

Stupid Customer - "Ohhh ok, so like, if I go to hospital, then like, you pay for all of it?"

Me - "No, it doesn't quite work like that, as mentioned it woudl depend on what you were...."

*interrupting me*

Stupid Customer - "So , like, if I crash my car and I , like, die or something, then it doesn't matter because you guys just, like pay for everything, like if I just call and say I died then you just pay?"

Me - ".......well, if you die then....you won't really be able to call us...."

Stupid Customer - "But you just said that you guys, like , cover for everything? So is that what the ann-sillah-ra" one was for? Whats ann-sillah-ra?"

Me - "Ancillary? That is the extras. Things like dental. Okay, so... well... I think the best thing is for me to send you a policy docuemnt in the mail. That will give you the full list of everything you are and are not covered for, with full explanation for each category"

Stupid Customer - "Ummm...so yeah, like, so do I have a policy with you guys?"

Me - "Yes. Yes you do. I am sending you a list of everything you are and are not covered for. I think it would be best if you were to sit down and read through it all"

Stupid Customer - "Oh man, so I've, like, got a policy with you guys! Awesome! Okay well thanks for that!"

*CLICK*

And no, I honestly don't think he was on anythign either. That's just how he was. WOW.

Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi so how much do I get back on a hip replacement?"

Me - "Sure I can have a look here, may I please start with your membership number?"

Stupid Customer - "What? Why the hell do you need that for?!"

Me - "Um... so I can check your level of cover?"

Stupid Customer - "Well I don't have it with me! Just tell me how much I get back, god, it's not hard!"

Me - "No, it's not hard, but the cover depends on several things... your level of cover, your length of membership, where the operation is being done through..."

Stupid Customer - "I don't have my membership number, I was never given a membership number! You people never sent me a card! Just tell me the cover!"

Me - "As mentioned I have to view your policy. If you don't knwo your membership number, I can bring it up with your name. May I please start with your surname?"

Stupid Customer - "I don't have one ok!"

Me - "You don't have a name?"

Stupid Customer - "No I don't! Just tell me the cover"

Me - "I'm sorry but if you without being able to view your policy, I will be unable to advise of your cover. if you can locate your membership number and your name, feel free to call back then and one of our operators will be able to assist you"

Stupid Customer - "What?! So you're not going to help me?!"

Me - "As mentioned, without being able to view your policy and your level of cover, I have no way of being abe to advise of your cover for surgery"

Stupid Customer - "God, FINE! It's 48048098 and my name is Bob Garnder!"

What... what the!
Why not just GIVE me the info I need to assist you right at the START of the call, rather than doing THIS crap! WHY?!

And the sad thing is, this kind of thing happens ALOT.
Morons.

Me - "Welcome to ...."

*interrupting me*

Stupid Customer - "Put me through to Sarah"

Me - "Okaaay... were you a member with us? Were you returning a call? Was this a personal call?"

Stupid Customer - "I spoke to her yesterday. My name is Pamela. She knows all about it. She said she would call me at exactly 9.30am today and she HASNT. And I KNOW she is there. So put me through RIGHT NOW!"

Me - "I sit opposite her, she called in sick. Is there anything I can help with?"

Stupid Customer - "I KNOW she is there, she said she woudl call me at EXACTLY 9.30am so put me THROUGH!"

Me - "I'm sure she did promise to call you but I assure you, her desk is empty. She called in sick. She is not at work today. If you ahve your membership #, I should be able to view her notes and help form there if you like? We are in the same department so we have access to the exact same notes"

Stupid Customer - "NO, I will NOT give you my membership #! Me name is Pamela, she knwos all about me. Who is your manager on today? Go get them right now!"

Me - "I'm sorry, I can certainly ask for one of them to call you back but they don't take direct calls i can pass your details through if you like and ask one of them to call you right back?"

Stupid Customer - "My name is Pamela! You can go and FIND my details, okay? And tell them I DEMAND a call in an hour, after that I am going to bed!"

Me - "I can guarantee I will pass your message through. I give no guarantee of a call back at a certain time,and seeing as you refuse to give me ANY information other than your first name, I give no guarantee of a call back at all, if they are unable to locate your details in our system, they will not be able to return your call"

Stupid Customer - "My number is XXXXXX [rattles of a number at a million miles an hour, giving me no time to write anything at all] you WILL have a manager call me!"

Me - "Sorry as mentioned I do not guarantee that. Could you please repeat the number slowly for me so I have a chance to write it down"

Stupid Customer - "No, you should learn to listen. My name is Pamela. Find me on the system yourself and get a manager to call me back"

*CLICK*

And did Miss Fucknut get a call back?
Of course not.
Because we have NO FUCKING CLUE who she is!

What do morons like that think they are going to achieve?
You give us NO oppotunity or way to actually call you back, so what is it that you want?

If you're just crazy and want to have a whinge, that's great, but maybe go and drive dodgem cars or something to let it all out, because you just waste 5 mins of my life, ho
Stupid Customer - "Yeah I'm calling 'cause I'm pi*sed off you people didn't pay my claim!"

Me - "Ok, but there are no claims on your policy. When did you send it?"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT?! You people are a f**ing joke! I handed it in over the counter for f**k sakes! You're all f**king incompetent!"

Me - "Ok, what branch did you hand them in at and I will check in with them to see where they are up to"

Stupid Customer - "The Canberra Branch, f**k!"

Me - "........um....we don't have a Canberra Branch"

Stupid Customer - "Listen here GIRl, you need to go get a manager because you are f**king useless! Don't even know your own branches, f**k!"

Me - "I do know my own branches, and we have certainly NEVER had one in Canberra. Ever. What type of claim was this for?"

Stupid Customer - "I crashed me f**king car and I got insurance to cover the damages! You people are always happy to TAKE our money but never pay anything back, you're all f**knig crooks!"

Me - "Yeah...this is actually HEALTH INSURANCE INC. As mentioned in my introduction when you first called in. We haven't got your claim because you've called the wrong company. I'm sure if you went and called the RIGHT company, they should be able to help you out"

Stupid Customer - "You people just never wan tto pay anything! You're useless!"

Me - "Well...of course we wouldn't pay on claims that are not for our company. I strongly suggest you call the correct company and proceed from there. Have a great day!"

Stupid Customer - "You people are f**king..."

Me - "Sorry to interject but as mentioned, you need to go and call the right company, calling us useless for your own mistake is humerous and I do thank you for your entertainment today but again, have a nice day"

*CLICK*

Stupid Customer - "Hi, I want to pay via direct debit"

Me - "Ok, that's fine, I can see here that you are actually on direct debit payments, so you can just leave it as it is :)"

Stupid Customer - "Um, okaaaaay. So, like, how do I do it?"

Me - "Oh, ok... well, what I mean is, you don't have to do anything. You're already paying via direct debit. You've been paying via direct debit for years. Did you mean you wanted to update your bank account information for your direct debit?"

Stupid Customer - "No, I mean I just want to PAY via direct debit. How do I do that?"

Me - *sigh* "I'll leave a note here, so that's all taken care of for you, we will do direct debit, ok?"

Stupid Customer - "Excellent! Thank you!"

*CLICK*

Thursday 18 August 2011

Me - "Ok, you just need to mail us the receipt with a claim form"

Stupid Customer - "Whats the address"

Me - "You send the receipt and claim form to *gives address*"

Stupid Customer - "Ok. Is that it?"

Me - "Yep! Just make sure you send both the receipt and a claim form and you're good to go!"

Stupid Customer - "Ok, but like how do you know it's for me? Like do I just write my member number on the receipt, like, don't you want to know who it's for *smirky laugh*"

Me - "Ah, no, you would write your member details on the claim form..."

Stupid Customer - "Huh? What claim form?!"

Me - *facepalm*
Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi, so I need a statement showing all of my payments from last year"

Me - "Sure no problems, I'll get that organised for you today"

Stupid Customer - "Cool. And how soon before I get the money?"

Me - "The...money? Oh ok, sorry, I thought you were asking for a statement showing all the payments you made from last year?"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "NO! I asked you to refund everythign I've paid. I decided to don't want the poilcy anymore"

Me - "Um...ok. I must ahve misundertsood what you said. In any case, we can backdate a cancelltion requst one month, max. So you can get the last mnths worth refunded. We need the cancellation request in writing"

Stupid Customer - "What?! Are you stupid! I just said to give me ALL my money back, and I never said I want to cancel the policy!"

Me - "Ok. You just said you didn't want the policy anymore, but alright then. Well you can only get a refund if you cancel. And you can only backdate a cancellation 1 mth. You have been a member for 8 years..."

*Interrupting me*

Stupid Customer - "GOD, I KNOW I've been a member for 8 years, are you deaf or just stupid?! Give me back everything I paid you people for the last 8 years and keep my policy open"

Me - "Riiiiiiiiiiight............"

Thursday 11 August 2011

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you"

Stupid Customer - "Can I talk to you?"

Me - "Sure...how can I help?"

Stupid Customer - "I have a question..."

Me - "Sure, how can I help"

Stupid Customer - "I dunno, I forgot the question"

***silence***

Me - "Ok. Did you want to call back when you remember why you called?"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "Fine, I guess"
________________________________________________

Stupid Customer - "Why did you pay my dentalclaim?!"

Me - "You have used up all of your limit for the year. We sent a letter advising this, you should get that soon if you haven't already"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah I know that's what the letter says!"

***silence***

Me - "Ok.. well as per the letter we already sent you... you have used you limit for the year"

Stupid Customer - "But why?!"

Me - "Um... why did you use your limit? Because you wanted to get dental work done?"

Stupid Customer - "WHY?!"

Me - "Um...why did you want to get dental work done? Um, I don't know, that was your choice???"

Stupid Customer - "This makes no sense"

Me - "You chose to go to the dentist. You went so many times you used up your full allowance for the year. We sent you a letter explaining this to you very clearly. You got that letter, but you have still called. To be honest I'm not sure why you've called in, or what part of all this is not clear. I cannot explain why yuo chose to go to the dentist, sorry"

Stuipd Customer - "I'm moving to another fund!"

*CLICK*

I hope you do, dumbass, I really do.

Monday 8 August 2011

Stupid Customer - "How much is your trampoline hire?"

Me - "Oh, I'm sorry, you've called the wrong number. This is Health Insurance Inc."

Stupid Customer - "Huh? Look I just need to know the cost of your trampoline hire. It's my son's birthday this weekend"

Me - "We don't do trampoline hire. We do health insurance. Health insurance only. No trampolines"

Stupid Customers - "Okay.......... but I just need to know how much it costs. It's my son's birthday this weekend, and we need to hire a trampoline. The one with the net around it"

Me - "Ok. I'm really sorry, but you have called the wrong number. We do not do tramopline hire"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "Fine! I'll just try again later then!" *Click*

Wow.
Stupid Customer - "Hi! I need to make a claim"

Me - "Ok, sure :). Did you want the address to send the claim documents to?"

Stupid Customer - "What?"

Me - "Did you need the address that you send the claim forms to?"

Stupid Customer - "What do you mean 'forms'? Don't I just tell you over the phone what I got done and then you put money in my bank account?"

Me - "Er, no, no that's not quite how it works. We need to see evidence of the service that took place. You need to send us documentation."

Stupid Customer - "WHAT?! But I want money this afternoon!  Gimme my money! I just tell you I got stuff done then you pay me, right?! Why I gotta give you any 'proof', what the hell? Gimme my money!"

Me - "Um...no"
Me - "Ok, and what was your policy number?"

Stupid Customer - "182939"

Me - "Hmmm, I'm not getting a match under that. Are you sure that was it?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes! Oh no, wait...hang on...*comes back about a minute later*...okay try this one...029993828"

Me - "Nope no match on that either. I can just bring it up using your name if you like, or did you have your membership card there with your number on it?"

Stupid Customer - "Try this one. 938827482"

Me - "Nope. I can just use your name if you don't have your number?"

Stupid Customer - "Hahahahahahahaha oh I am so silly! Deary me! Ok it must be 300492749"

Me - "No. What was your name?"

Stupid Customer - "Oh dear! Hahahahahaha. Oh isn't this funny, I'm so silly! I should have had all of this ready before I called shouldn't I? Hahahahahahahahaha. Do you want me to go and find my card?"

Me - "Yes it's best to have this ready when you call. And yes if you have your card there that will ahve the right member number on it, that would be great thanks"

Stupid Customer - "Ok, I'll just get it. Oh no, oh deary me! I think I've lost the card now! Hahahahahaha oh aren't I so silly! Can you hold on while I drive back to work to see if I left it there?"

Me - "I....um...sorry? Ah, no, no I'm sorry but you will need to call back once you have the correct number with you. We will chat again then."

Stupid Customer - "It won't let me log in!"

Me - "Did you enter your name, date of birth and password?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes! Of course I did, geez!"

Me - "Ok, just checking 'cause that should be all you need to log in. Just to double check, you put in all 3 of those? Even missing just 1 of them will lock you out"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "God I TOLD YOU I put all of that rubbish in! Can you just help me or what, or do I need to ask for a manager?"

*I pull up her policy and it says there very clearly....*

Me - "Ok so it states here that you only entered your name and address"

Stupid Customer - "So what? I'm not going to reveal my date of birth to a machine! I'm a women, and a REAL woman doesn't reveal her age!"

Me - "The machine can't do anything with your date of birth. You cannot log in without entering that information"

Stupid Customer - "Well why didn't you just SAY SO!"

OMFG

Wednesday 3 August 2011

I've been at work for only ONE HOUR and already I have been BOMBARDED with the most ass-backwards, god-damn dumbass stupid people you can imagine.

Me - "Ok, I will email that to you right now, you shoudl have it in your inbox in about a minute"

Stupid Customer - "OMG! Did you just say this is going to take an hour?!"

Me - "Um...no. I said it will take one minute"

Stupid Customer - "WHY is it going to take 3 hours to send a simple email?"

Me - "What, 3 hours?! I said one minute. ONE MINUTE"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me - "Okay, the code you are after is 1564"

Stupid Customer - "Ok so that was 7893102...."

Me - "No no no, sorry... it is 1...5...6...4"

Stupid Customer - "8400912...."

Me - "No, I'm sorry. It is 1...5...6...4"

Stupid Customer - "Ok, how do you spell that?"

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Me - "Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Oh, um, hi, is this health Insurance Inc?"

Me - "It sure is, hi, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Um... I'm not sure"

***silence***

Me - "Did you have a policy with us?"

Stupid Csutomer - "Yes"

Me - "Ok, what was your membership number?"

Stupid Customer - "John Brown"

Me - "Ok, that's a name, but could I please get your membership NUMBER?"

Stupid Customer - "Oh, um, I was never given one. I lost it. And now I can't remember it. So can you help me or what?"

Tuesday 2 August 2011

Stupid Customer - "Yeah I got a letter from you people saying that for me to claim on my exercise classes, I need to send a letter from the Doctor saying that the classes are medically required?"

Me - "Yes that's correct"

Stupid Customer - "Well, I have that letter, so I don't understand why you haven't paid my claim yet?"

Me - "Hmmm, I'll just have a look at your policy, because if you've sent that letter to us already with the claim, I believe it should have been paid..."

Stupid Customer - "Huh? You mean I have to actually SEND the Drs letter to you?!"

Me - "Uh... yes, yes you do..."

Stupid Customer - "And how on earth do I do that?!"

Me - "Um... just put it in an envelope and mail it to us? Did you need the mailing address?"

Stupid Customer - "No, I have the mailing address. I just didn't know that when the letter said I had to send it, then you meant I have to actually send it!"