Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Hi"

Me - "Hello. How could I help you today sir?"

Stupid Customer - "How are you?"

Me - "Ah, good thanks. How are you?"

Stupid Customer - "I'm going okay thanks"

*silence*

Me - "How could I help you today sir?"

*silence*

Me - "Hello???"

Stupid Customer - "Hi"

Me - "Yes, hello. Was there anything I could help you with today sir?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes"

*silence*

Me - "Okay. What was your enquiry sir?"

Stupid Customer - "How has your day been so far?"

Me - "Fine thanks. Did you have an enquiry for me today sir?"

He suddenly changes from talking softly and calmly to SCREAMING into the phone

Stupid Customer - "MY ENQUIRY IS THAT I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOUR COMPANY IS SUCH A PIECE OF F*CKING SH*T! I WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME LIKE YOU WASTED MINE!"

*CLICK*, as he hangs up

Yep. No idea who he was or what his actual issue was. All I know is that if he had been hoping to prove a point, or achieve something, he just failed on both counts.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "I had a missed call"

Me - "Ok, what was the name of the person who left the message, I'll see if they're available for you"

Stupid Customer - "Nar, they didn't leave a message"

*I'm starting to call bullsh*t because our reps ALWAYS leave a message, with their name, extension 3 if aplicable etc*

Me - "Oh ok, if there is no option to leave a message I can see how that might have been missed. Did you have your membership number with you and I'll have a look at the notes on your policy to see who called you?"

Stupid Customer - "Huh? Policy? I think you got the wrong number lady"

Me - "Ah, you called me sir? I can ask around with your name then if you like, see who called you that way?"

Stupid Customer - "I just TOLD you, you got the wrong number! I ain't got no policy there, what's wrong with you!"

Me - "Ok sir, I'm just trying to figure out who called you"

Stupid Customer - "Whatever, I don't even know who you people are. I just saw a missed call from a private number on my phone so I dialled in a random number cause it could be the right one"

Me - "You...just keyed in random numbers and called a made up number sir?"

Stupid Customer - "I just said that! So who called me?"

Me - *CLICK*

NOTE - when a customer calls in, for this blog I summmarise my intro, but the full intro is:
"Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, this is Tilly speaking, how can I help you?"

ALSO NOTE - I am female and have a very female voice. There is no mistaking it.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, this is Tilly speaking, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer, barking at me - "What was ya' name?!"

Me - "My name is Tilly"

Stupid Customer - "What?!"

Me - "Tilly"

Stupid Customer - "Huh?!"

Me - "My name is Tilly. Spelt T-i-l-l-y"

Stupid Customer - "What?!"

Me - "Tilly. T-i-l-l-y"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah I heard ya' the first time, I just wanted to mess ya' about cause that's the most stupid name I ever heard! What kinda name is that for a bloke anyway?"

Me - "Um, I'm a woman"

Stupid Customer - "Like I give a sh*t"


Ah-huh.
Like I give a sh*t about going out of my way to help you during this call now, you dumba*s

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah I wanna know how come your company is so stingey"

Me - "Ok, I'll just bring up your policy and have a look at what it is you're referring to ok sir"

*I bring up the policy. I can see that he sent in a recent dental claim. The charge was $7000. He asked for special consideration to get more back than the annual limit of $4000. He ended up getting back $6720, so his gap went from being $3000 to $280. I still don't even know how he got approved to ger more back then what everyone else does, but anyway...*

Me - "Okay sir, I have your claim up. I can see you actually were granted $2720 above your limit, what was the enquiry you had today?"

Stupid Customer - "That's a joke! I still gotta pay $280!"

Me - "Well, yes, that's correct sir. The fund advertises it's benefits quite openly, so you were aware of what you could claim back on dental when you took out the policy. Despite that you were still approved for something that I can honestly say I have never actually seen, to receive $2720 above your entitlement. So you have received well above what everyone else gets"

Stupid Customer - "I don't give a flying f**k about anyone else! The world resolves around ME, you HEAR?! I don't wanna pay a damn cent for anything, I pay enough for my insurance so you better get that other amount paid for me or I'll shop around for another fund!"

Me - "Well you have to do what's best for yourself sir. I can't say that I can see any other fund matching such a high dental rebate, but of course it is your right to shop around"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, well, I'm only getting back what I'm entitled to, I pay good money for my insurance so I expect to get everything covererd!"

Me - "I'm sorry sir, I'm not quite sir why you expect everything covered since - as mentioned - you are made aware of your dental limits when you first take out the policy. Your Certificate of Insurance I can see here actually states that you are NOT 100% covered for any service other than a basic checkup and clean and you must call the fund prior to any appointment to check what your gap will be. I can see here that this is the first time you have ever contacted the fund"

Stupid Customer - "I don't read any of that sh*t, nobody does, are you stupid?1 Are you deaf?! I'm just getting my moneys worth!"

Me - "Okay sir, but you pay $720 a year for your policy and you've been with the fund for about 3 years. So in total you've paid $2160. By your theory sir, you should have only received $2160 back"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah yeah yeah whatever. You people are f**king stingey"

*CLICK*


That guy made me mad.
He received back the highest dental benefit I have EVER seen, and even going through the notes on his policy, I still cannot see how he got it.
And he STILL whinged.
What an ungrateful piece of sh*t

It's not unusual to get calls from customers who are talking to other people in the background, or are chewing loudly in my ear...both are rude, but the call I got just now takes the cake.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer,echoey voice, sounds like he is in a tunnel - "Hi, I'm just calling to check how much I have left for my optical this year"

Me - "Sure, I'll just bring that up for you sir"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah good, thanks .... *FART*.... "

Me, a bit shocked and trying not to giggle, I push on - "Okay....so sir, it says here that you have..."

*I am interrupted by yet another ......*FART*.......*

Me - "Uh...um, okay....so, um, you have $300 left for your optical this year"

Stupid Customer - "Great, so can I just go to...*FART, PLOP*...any old optometrist, or do I have to buy them from....*FAAAAAART*....a certain place to be able to claim back?"

Me - "Um....well sir...you do have to ensure you go to a dentist that the fund recognises"

Stupid Customer - "Right, right. And is there a cutoff for when...*FART, TINKLE TINKLE*...I have to have it in by?"

Me - "You have until..."

*interrupted again, by ....FAAAAAAAAAAART...*

Me - "...the end of the year"

Stupid Customer - "Great. Right, well...*PLOP*...thanks"

*CLICK*


Dude.
I know that when you gotta go, you gotta go.
But really. Did you leave your f*cking manners in bed when you woke up this morning?
Don't call me when you're on the f*cking can, okay?

This lady had attitude to the hills and back, right from the word go.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?

Stupid Customer, in a very stuck up tone - "WELL you can tell me why you didn't pay my claim!"

Me - "Ok ma'am, not a problem, I'll just bring up your policy and have a look. May I please start with your membership number, name and address?"

Stupid Customer - "No you may not"

Me, eye rolling - "Okay ma'am, well I'm afraid I cannot bring up your policy without that information first"

Stupid customer, big *SIGH* - "Aaaaaalways trying to make thing difficult aren't you! Fine! It's [gives me the details]*

Me - "Ok, thanks for that. Now, let's take a look"

*There are ALOT of recent claims on this woman's policy, a few rejected, so naturally I ask...*

Me - "Okay ma'am, so just to clarify, which one of these recent claims was the one that you were rejecting?"

Stupid Customer - "I dunno. You look it up"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, I need to actually know what claim you're referring to if I'm going to be able to assist you"

Stupid Customer - "FINE, it's the one from 19th October"

Me - "Ok, thanks for that. Alright, let's take a look. Ok so I can see you lodged a claim for 5 physio sessions on the same date with the same physiotherapist. is this the one you are referring to?"

Stupid Customer - "YES! You need to explain to me RIGHT NOW why you messed that up and you need to get it fixed right away, and then I also demand COMPENSATION for the inconvenience"

Me - "Oh okay, well I can see here that we actually sent you a letter ma'am advising that you can only claim on a maximum two physio sessions on the same day, to keep claiming beyond that the sessions have to be on seperate days"

Stupid Customer - "Rubbish! Rubbish! Where does it say that? It says it no-where!"

Me - "Okay ma'am, it states this on the letter we sent you, plus also in your Certificate of Insurance when your policy is first issued, it is on page 3 of the member booklet we send you once a year and also on the policy document we send you twice a year, on the first page"

Stupid Customer - "It's not my responsiblity to read any of the junk you people send me. I'll wait for a few minutes while you pay the rest of my claim, but don't take up too much of my time"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, you aren't entitled to any more back. The rules relating to claiming physiotherapy are clearly outlined in several documents, the fund is not responsible for you reading what we send you. Furthermore, I can see in the ntoes on your policy that we advised you this exact same information a few months ago - you called to check your physio cover and we told you this rule back then. You were well aware ma'am"

Stupid Customer - "This is a joke! You insurance companies take our money and will just do ANYTHING to weasle out of paying!"

Me - "Okay, I'm sorry you feel that way ma'am but as mentioned, the claiming criteria relating to phystiotherapy is very widely advertised, and you were already informed of this rule well prior to claiming"

Stupid Customer - "You insurance people change yur rules every few minutes and never let us innocent people know about it, you do it just to screw us out of claiming!"

Me - "Ma'am again I do apologise, I do apprecaite that you are upset, however all I can really do is repeat the fact that this rule has been in place for years and for that same length of time, has been very widely advertised. Plus you knew this rule, you asked us and we told you before you claimed"

Stupid Customer - "How do you sleep at night? Huh? Knowing that you are stealing from innocent people with children, huh? My kids will starve now because of you. yes, you, personally, I'm talking about YOU, you child murderer"

Me, shocked - "I'm sorry you feel this way ma'am. I would suggest you contact an appropriate aid society regarding the personal issues you have just now mentioned, however as it relates to our conversation now and the topic at end, I don't believe I can assist you any further"

Stupid Customer - "You're a cu*t"
*CLICK* as she then hung up on


Wow. Just...wow.
She was 100% in the wrong - I can understand that some people really don't read everything they are sent, but I mean, she called to check the rules and was told of them very clearly prior to getting her physio done, so she knew.
To then turn around and talk the way she did...pft...and she thinks I'M the cu*nt.
Rightio *eye roll*

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi, I'm just calling to check if I have a funeral benefit as part of my policy?"

Me - "Sure one moment, I'll have a look for you. Ok sir, I can see here that you do in fact, to the valud of $4000"

Stupid Customer - "Oh good, ok so when it comes time for me to claim that, what do I have to do?"

Me - "Oh, ok well, that's the benefit paid out when you pass away. So once we get a certified copy of the death certificate through..."

*interupts me*

Stupid Customer - "NO NO NO NO! I've paid for this policy all these years, I'M going to be the one getting the rebate ok! I'm SICK of paying all this money for my policy and getting nothing back! So when I pass away, do I just come into one of the offices and sign a form, or how does it work?"

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?

Stupid Customer - "Yes, hello. I'm just calling because I want to change the way my bills are sent"

Me - "Okay sir, lets take a look at your options"

Stupid Customer - "Oh no, that's not necessary. I already know what I want. My bill is due on the first of each month, so I need one of the staff there to call me the day before each month to remind me"

Me - "Oh. Okay, well, I'm sorry sir but that is not a service that the fund provides. Our bills are only sent out via mail or email"

Stupid Customer - "I'm sorry, you must not have heard me correctly. I wasn't asking you, I was telling  you that you will  have a staff member call me the day before my payment is due each month"

Me, in a super sweet voice - "Yes sir, I did hear what you said, but I was also telling you that we are not able to do that"

Stupid Customer - "I see. Well it would apear that we have a problem then missy"

Me - "Okay, in what way sir?"

Stupid Customer - "In the way that I will not stand for greedy corporations destroying our trees by sending out mail, and destroying our atmosphere by running insanely huge computer systems that leak toxic fumes into our environment"

Me - "I respect your views sir, however that does not change the fact that we cannot organise a staff member to call you personally month to month to remind you to pay your bill on time. We can stop sending you bills all together if you like though, and you would just need to keep a reminder steup on your end? may i suggest a written note or a op-up or alarm of some sort?"

Stupid Customer - "No, I should not be held responsible for paying my own bills!"

Me - "Okay sir. Well the options you have are to either have a bill sent via standard mail, via email, or to not have a bill sent at all and to set a reminder on your end. Those are your options"

Stupid Customer - "Well young lady. I hope it weighs heavily on your mind that you personally are destroying our planet Earth, and that you personally will be rsponsible for the pain and suffering form future generations. You will be hearing from my lawyer about this"

*CLICK*, as he then hangs up.

Gotta love those "Im'ma get my lawyer to contact ya'll!" folks
*eye roll*

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi, look I just got a real general quesiton okay. So I want to mail you guys a claim, I need to know how to do it okay"

Me - "Sure, I can help with that sir. So you just need to send us the receipt with a claim form to ***our postal address***. The claim forms can be found on our website"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah yeah yeah I got the claim form and my receipt already, i got all that okay, I just need to know how to mail it it to you"

Me - "Okay sir, well you just send those to ***repeats our postal address***"

Stupid Customer - Yeah but HOW DO I MAIL IT"

Me - "I'm... not sure I understand sir?"

Stupid Customer, *SIGH* - "God! So like, I got the receipt and the claim form in the envelope, then NOW what do I do with it?"

So I'm thinking, oh surely not, he can't be serious...

Me - "Well sir, I mean beyond that all else you really need to do is post it, then it's all done?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, that's what I mean! Like how do I post it! God, that's all I wanna know!"

Me - "Um....well, sir... you...just take the envelope down to a post office and either put it in the mail slot or if you want I am sure you can hand it in over the coutner, and the staff there can mail it for you?"

Stupid Customer - "Good! Finally! That's all I wanted to know, that wasn't so hard now was it, geez!"

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

*All I hear is hold music...I wait a while*

Me, a few times over the FOUR minutes  - "Hello? Anyone there? Hello?"

Eventually, I hang up. Four minutes is more than enough time sitting there listening to hold music, waiting for someone to get back to the phone, in my opinion. And technically, we are trained that after 30 seconds we can hang up.

A few minutes later I get a call...

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can ...."

*interupts me, yelling loudly*

Stupid Customer - "I JUST CALLED AND SOME RUDE PERSON HUNG UP ON ME!"

Me - "Okay, I'm sorry to hear that ma'am. Did you manage to catch that person's name so I can follow up on that for you?"

Stupid Customer - "NO! I didn't get their bloody name because no-one came to the phone!"

Me - "Okay....so to clarify...you called us,someone answered, but they then didn't respond to you?"

Stupid Customer - "NO NO NO! I called and had it on hold and then when I came back, no-one was there! They had hung up on me!"

*And so it dawns on me...this was my hold music person!*

Me - "Oh okay, well I believe I know what happened ma'am, as it was me who took that call..."

*interrupts me*

Stupid Customer - "You rude f**king bi*ch!"

Me - "Okay. But with all due respect ma'am, I waited for just over five whole minutes for someone to return to the line and no-body did, so yes, I did eventually hang up the phone, as I had other customers waiting to get through"

Stupid Customer - "I don't give a sh*t if you waited 5 minutes or 5 hours! I'M the customer, so when I call in, you WILL cater to my every need, you hear me?!"

Me - "Okay. Well if a customer calls and is on the phone when we answer then yes, of course, we will do all that we can for that customer. But I'm afraid fi there is no-one on the line then there is not much we can do..."

Stupid Customer - "That is BAD service! If I call in it should make NO difference how long I leave you people on hold! You should sit there and just be GRATEFUL that I even called you in the first place!"

Me - "Okay ma'am, well we appreciate your feedback. Now, how could I help you today?"

Stupid Customer - "Huh? Oh, I'm not even a member of your fund, I called the wrong number. But I wanted you to know how bad it is to just hang up on customers!"

*CLICK* , as she then hangs up.

B*tch wasn't even a customer of ours!
Someone has too much time on their hands, hmmmm...

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummmm...ahhh...ummmmmm"

*silence*

Me - "Hello? You've come through to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummmm....hello? Hello? HELLO?!"

Me, thinking wtf - "Yes, hello, this is Health Insurance Inc, how can I help?"

Stupid Customer, big *SIGH* - "HELLO! Yes, I'm calling because you didn't pay my surgical shoe claim"

Me - "Okay ma'am, I'll just bring up your policy and take a look to see why it was knocked back, one mome..."

*interrupts me*

Stupid Customer - "NO, it wasn't knocked back, I just TOLD you that you didn't pay it! God!"

Me - "O....kay? Well I'm just going to bring up your details and have a look to see what's going in with your claim, just one moment please ma'am"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH*

I bring up her policy, right away I can see...

Me - "Thanks for holding there ma'am. Okay so we did actually pay that claim, it was processed just yesterday afternoon and the money is being released today, so it should be in your bank account within 1-2 working days from today"

Stupid Customer - "Right. So I'm not sure what's wrong with you but I actually asked you why you didn't pay the claim"

Me - "Okay, I'm not sure I quite understand ma'am. As mentioned, your surgical shoe claim was paid, and the money from that claim should be in your bank account 1-2 working days from today. Once we pay a claim it always takes a few days for the money to be transferred and to reach your bank account, that's all"

Stupid Customer - "Okay, I think I need to speak to a manager, or at least someone who knows what the f**k they're doing, because this is now the 3rd time I'm having to ask you why my claim wasn't paid"

Me - "And I've advised you more than once that it was ma'am"

Stupid Customer - "You need to stop talking now because you're f**king stupid. If the claim was paid, then how come I don't have the money yet, huh? HUH? I think you need to go get me a manager, like, right now"

Me - "Ma'am, the claim has been paid and the money should be in your bank account in 1-2 working days from today"

Stupid Customer - "NO, if the claim had been paid, I would have the money in my hand right now"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am but as explained already, it does take time from when we process a claim and send it to your bank, for the funds to then reflect in your account. It is not an instant process"

Stupid Customer - "I'm not a f**king idiot, I know you didn't pay my claim. You process it, then all you have to do is hit a little button, then the money goes into my account right away, I'm not stupid, everyone knows that. So I'm asking for the last time for a manager before I really f**king lose it"

Me - "Okay ma'am, that's fine, one moment"

I put her onto the other manager on duty.
He then proceeds to tell her the exact same thing I did.

Der klunk, stupid lady.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "You can f*cking well explain hy the f*ck you pri*ks didn't pay me anything back on my claim"

Woah there cowboy.
I bring up the claim - he tried to claim on TOOTHPASTE through his health insurance.
Toothpaste.

Me - "I'm sorry sir, but toothpaste is a non-claimable item"

Stupid Customer - "Bullsh*t. Where the f*ck does it say specifically that you don't pay on toothpaste?!"

Me - "It says in your membership pack exactly what services you can claim on on your policy, then at the bottom it states anything not listed is not claimable"

Stupid Customer - "And that's where you f*ckers f*cked up isn't it! Ha! You have to write down SPECIFICALLY that toothpaste isn't claimable, toehrwise you HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!"

Me - "Well sir, it says there anything not listed isn't..."

*interrupts me*

Stupid Customer - "Are you a f*ckwit or what?! I just f*cking told you, it has to specifically state that toothpaste itself isn't covered! I'm a LAWYER so I know this sh*t!"

OHHHHH the old "I'm a lawyer' line"!
Okay then. That's cool. Let's play it your way then...

Me - "Okay sir, I'm going to lodge a complaint for you"

Stupid Customer - "Damn f*cking right you are!"

Me - "Yes. Now, nature of complaint, disputing rejected toothpaste claim. Contact number [I read the one off his file which he agrees is correct]. And what was the name of the company that you practice law through sir?"

Stupid Customer - "Huh? Why the f*ck do you need that?"

Me - "Well sir, I'm lodging this as a compalint because you advised that you were a lawyer, and we take that seriously, we want to ensure we aren't actually breaching the law in the way we are processing our claims. So in following up with you, our managers here will need to know where you practice law through so we have alternate contact details for you"

Stupid Customer - "Uh....f*ck that, I ain't giving you nothing"

Me - "Ok sir, that's fine. Now the next section we have here... okay, now in your allegation here i just need to note down which Section or Act of the law you feel has been breached?"

Stupid Customer - "Uhhh....just...you just need to pay the f*cking claim okay you f*cker!"

Me - "Certainly sir, we can look into this for you so we can see if this is actually payable or not. Now I'll just need to grab that information from you so I can lodge this complaint for you"

*CLICK*, as he hung up.

Yeah.
That's how I deal with those 'I'm a lawyer!' idiots now.
To date, 100% success rate.
The way I see it, if you're gonna try and pull sh*t, expect to have sh*t thrown back in your face. Simple :)

Some sure fire ways to strike out with me. All of these have happened today already:

_______________________________________________________________________

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Actually it more like how can *I* can help *YOU. You people are useless so listen up, I'm about to teach you how to do your job"

Hahahahaha no.
I am raising my eyebrows something crazy at you right now.

_______________________________________________________________________

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "I can't hear you!"

Me, speaking louder - "Is that better sir?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah.....[muttering] bi*ch"

Yeah. You can't hear me but I can hear you. A*shole.

___________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "I'll tell ya' what my problem is but I doubt you can help me, you people are all useless!"

Ah-huh. I'm really going to try and help you now aren't I? Moron.

__________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer, eating loudly in my ear - "CHEW CHEW, MUNCH, CHEW, CRUNCH, CHEW CHEW CHEW"

I hope the next sound is CHOKE.

___________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer, coughing loudly in my ear - "COUGH COUGH......COUGH COUGH COUGH!....SPLUTTER....COUGH!!!....little splutter....BIG COUGH!....cough cough....COUGH!"

Another one where I wish they would choke.

___________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "I just want to update my address, is that so f*king hard?!"

Well, ordinarily, no, no it is actually quite simple ma'am.
But come to me with that attitude and you better believe that this is now going to be one the hardest transactions fo your life
[Of course, not really! but that is what I thought, goddang-it!]

This was my call from a few minutes ago...

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Hi, my names Britney! I just want to check how much is owing on my policy. My membership number is 8339284"

Me - "Hi Britney :). Sure, I can help with that. May I please start by confirming your date of birth and telephone number on file?"

Stupid Customer - "Hey, how did you know my name?!"

Me - "Oh, um, you introduced yourself at the start of the call :)"

Stupid Customer - "Woah! Okay, so my details are [gives me DOB, phone #]

Me - "Okay, I've got your policy details here, so for the payment..."

*interupts me*

Stupid Customer - "HEY! How did you know what my membership number was?!"

Me - "Oh, well you gave that to me at the start of the call as well?"

Stupid Customer - "WOOOOOW, you're trippin' me out here"

Mmmmhmmmm
Something tells me you may have already been 'tripped out' prior to calling in.....

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Um...yeah..."

*silence*

Me - "Okay...how could I help you today sir?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummmm....I, like...got a letter?"

Me - "Okay. And what did the letter say?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummm...so, like...I dunno hey"

*silence*

Me - "Okay. Well, I can bring up your policy and have a look for you?"

Stupid Customer - "Whatever"

Me - "Um, okay. Right, well sir, I can see here that it says that you haven't paid your premiums in almost 3 months and if the arrears are not paid by the end of this month, then your policy is due to be closed off?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah"

*silence*

Me - "Okay...so were you calling to make payment on that today?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummm....nar, like, so...like....what does it mean?"

Me - "It means that if you don't pay the overdue amount of $256 by the end of this mth, your policy will be closed due to non-payment"

Stupid Customer - "Oh. Yeah. So, like...what do I do?"

Me - "Well...if you would like to keep your policy open and be able to claim,sir, you need to pay the outstanding balance by the end of this month"

Stupid Customer - "Oh. Okay, so, you know, like...how do I do that?"

Me - "Well, as per the letter you've got there sir, you can make the payment via credit card, electronic bank transfer, or you can pay in cash at one of our many branches. Whichever if easiest for you"

Stupid Customer - "Riiiight. So, but like...um...when do I have to pay it by then?"

Me - "By the end of the month. You have until the 30th to make the payment."

Stupid Customer - "Ohhhh. Right, right. But, like, what if I don't pay it by then?"

Me, eye twitch - "Then your policy will be closed sir"

Stupid Customer - "Ohhhh. Yeah but, like, why didn't youse just say that in the letter, cause, like....its just, like, sooo confusing!"


Yeah. No.
The letter says straight up - X amount owing. Due by X. If not paid by this date your policy will be closed. these are your payment methods.

And this guy was in his 40s as well.

Daaaaaaamn.

Stupid Customer -

This lady really cheesed me off. Oh boy did she rub me the wrong way. Really grated my goat she did.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Hi, I'm calling about my daughter's policy. I need to change the bank account that you pay money into for claims"

Me - "Sure, one moment, I'll bring up the policy"

*I bring it up, and there is no authorisation on the policy for the mother. For those playing at home, we can only discuss/make changes etc with people on the policy. And the only other time we can do this with anyone not on the policy is if the policy holder has filled in and sent us the authorisation form for that person/s. Without that form on file, it is no dice for any 3rd party calling. And so I explain...*

Me - "Okay. I'm sorry ma'am, but at present, there is no authorisation on file for you. So until your daughter gets that sent to us we wont actually be able to discuss anything or make changes with you. The form is available on the website though, if she would like to download that and send it to us today?"

Stupid Customer, big *SIGH* - "Look. I don't care about you policies. I'm just calling to change the bank account you pay money into"

Me, knowing we are about to play the rinse/repeat game - "I understand ma'am, but again without an authority that cannot happen. Your daughter can send this to us today then we can speak to you as soon as it is received, if you like"

Stupid Customer, again with the big *SIGH* - "Okay. Maybe if I talk slower then you will understand. I. just. want. to. update. her. bank. account. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?"

Me - "Yes ma'am I understand perfectly. I'm sorry to repeat myself, but the facts of the situation remain the same. Without an authorisation for you, we cannot proceed"

Stupid Customer - "Fine then. I'm Sally [the daughter]. Now, update my bank account"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, you've already told me you are her mother, and Ive noted what you told me on her policy. We cannot speak with you"

Stupid Customer - "How do you know I'm not Sally? Huh!"

Me - "You advised me at the start of this call, on a recorded line, that you were her mother"

*NOTE - at this stage we have been going in circles for over 5 minutes. Other actual customers are waiting in the queue to get through*

Me - "Ma'am if you daughter sends the authority today we can speak with you this afternoon. If there is nothing else we can assist with, I will need to go and attend to the other customers who have been patiently waiting"

Stupid Customer - "So what, you're happy to take our money but you're not willing to take new bank details? What kind of cr*p is that?"

Me - "I've already explained the situation ma'am...."

*talking over me*

Stupid Customer - "And I've already told you I don't give a sh*t about your rules! 1993029..."

*she starts randomly reading out the new bank account number*

Me - "Ma'am...ma'am! I can't take down those details. I'm sorry. Now, if you would ..."

*talks over me again, this time putting on a baby voice*

Stupid Customer - "But I'm Sally! I'm 24 years old, can't you tell? My name is Sally, I'm the member,a nd I'm calling to update my details! Why won't you help me!"

Me, gobsmacked and disgusted by the baby voice - "Ma'am, I'm sorry but your daughter will need to call us until we have an authority for you"

*she keeps on with the baby voice, then starts to pretend cry, and this is literally what she was doing...*

Stupid Customer - "WAAAAAH. WAAAAAH. I'm Sally and you won't help me! WAAAAAH! You're a mean person, waaaaaaah! "

Me - "Ma'am, I'm sorry but I'm going to terminate the call"

Stupid Customer, back to her normal voice - "Thanks for nothing you CU*T!"

*CLICK* as she hangs up.

Seriously.
That woman HAD to have a few screws loose.
Can't say I've ever had a grown woman act like that on a call before, and damn, was it pathetic.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "My husband had a fatal heart attack last night, I'm calling in to check how to claim on that"

Me - "Oh, I'm very sorry to hear about that!"

Stupid Customer - "Oh that's ok love, he was ok after they got him to the hospital , he's even talking about heading out for a round of golf over the weekend!"

What is this, Weekend at Bernies or something lol

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "David"

*silence*

Me - "Okay...had someone called David asked you to return a call here?"

Stupid Customer - "David Barrings"

Me - "Okay, I'm not familiar with that name. Are you currently a member of the fund? I can look at the recent notes to see who may have spoken to you and if 'David' is mentioned?"

Stupid Customer - "What's his number?"

Me - "I don't know who that person is yet sir"

Stupid Customer - "Find out"

Me - "Okay, one moment please"

I place him on hold for literally about 20 seconds at which point he hangs up. Impatient much?

Turns out we used to have a guy of that name who worked here - about 7 years ago!
Someone else could have probably assisted him but since the jerk hung up, we will never know... what a shame LOL

A women just called from a DR's rooms. Said she is the Practice Manager there.
She sent us a claim, we paid it, she then realised they billed us the wrong amount [not enough], sent through another account with the higher amount.
Called to ask where the extra money was.
Yet another call where I was left feeling very concerned that SHE was the Practice Manager...

So at this point, she has explained the situation

Me - "Okay, so the account you sent us for the higher amount is not on file, was it just very recent that you sent it?"

Stupid Customer - "You haven't got it? Oh for f*ck sake, don't tell me you lost it. Hopeless. God damn f*cking hopeless"

Me, mouth agape that a Practice Manager is being so unprofessional - "Well, I can have a look through the pending claims on this policy if you like. The account may not be on file yet but it may be waiting to be assessed? What date was it faxed to us?"

Stupid Customer - "Date? F*ck, how would I know? You look it up"

Me - "Okay, I usually bring up all documents received on a certain date but that's ok. What name did you last it under for the patient? Mr Anderson, or his full name, Robert Anderson?"

Stupid Customer - "I'm a MANAGER love, I don't have time to mess about with names!"

Me - "Okay...well ma'am I'm sorry but without the date the fax was sent, really the other other one I can do a search for the account is with the name you used, if I could please get that. It will just just one moment, but I do need that to proceed"

Stupid Customer - "Are you deaf love? F*ck! I JUST told you, I'm a busy woman! I don't bother with names!"

Me - "O....kay...so ma'am, are you saying you didn't actually write the member's name on the account? What member information was actually on there?"

Stupid Customer - "You really don't listen do you, I DON'T BOTHER WITH ANY OF THAT! I sent you a page saying top up the surgery you recently paid. That's all I'm required to do. I faxed you that paper, now look it up for me love. F*ck!"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, you will need to resubmit the amended account, with the requried information on there, otherwise there will be no way we can make the adjustment if we cannot locate the amended account"

Stupid Customer - "Oh for fu*ck sake! You don't process that many claims from us! You can go through all the recent ones and find it and work it out yourself! You're just being lazy!"

Me - "Ma'am, I can see here that at present, we process on average 43 claims from your office there PER DAY. Dating back to when this claim was first paid by the fund, I would be required to hand pick through over....let's see... 1500 faxes"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, exactly! You're just f*cking lazy!"

*CLICK* as she then hung up

That was a PRACTICE MANAGER from a DR's office.
ABSOLUTELY unprofessional, rude, vulgar, and a compelte DUMBA*S!

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?

Stupid Customer - "I got a letter here saying that my wife is not covered for dental!"

Me - "Ok sir, one moment, I'll look that up for you"

*I trawl through his policy - it's a really straight forward thing*

Me - "Thanks for waiting sir. So basically what's happened here, is that your wife recently transferred across from another health fund to ours, you added her to your policy. You only hold hospital cover. If she wants to access dental you can certainly add extras cover, and ..."

*interupts me*

Stupid Customer - "EXCUSE ME! I was TOLD by your people there that if she moved from her fund to my one that she would get the EXACT SAME COVER that she held with her previous fund!"

Me - "Right sir, so whenever someone moves to our fund, any cover that they held with their previous fund that they now hold with us, we honour. So for those same services that are eaxctly the same, they do not have to reserve any waiting periods. The cover simply carries across"

Stupid Customer - "Right! So why does this letter say she doesn't have any dental?!"

Me - "Because sir, your policy - the one you have put her on - does not have dental cover. If she wants dental cover, it has to be on the policy you have added her to"

Stupid Customer - "NO. I was told she would get the exact same cover!"

*I am worried at this point that a sales rep may have worded things badly and misled him*

Me - "Ok sir. I understand these transfers can often be complicated and sometimes confusing, so I'm going to listen to that call to determine what was said and how it was said, and get back to you with an outcome"

Stupid Customer - "GOOD, you go sort it out and call me back!"


So I have a manager here listen to the call. And what did we hear? Word for word:

Sales Rep - "Ok Mr Rogers. So to confirm, your wife currently holds both hospital and dental cover. Okay now if she moves to our fund and onto your policy as it is now, she'll be covered for hospital only. She will not be covered for dental. For that, you will need to add dental cover to your policy, because you can only be covered for services for which you are actually insured. Would you like me to add that dental cover for you today sir?"

Stupid Customer - "No, I'm not adding it. She doesn't use it anyway. No, just add her on and she wont have cover for any dental, that's alright son"

Sales Rep - "Okay sir, I'll take care of that for you, thanks. We will also send you a letter in the mail confirming that she has been added, and that she is covered for hospital only and not dental, jut so you have a paper record of that, okay?"

Stupid Customer - "Great, thanks son"



OHHHHH how I love the fact that calls are recorded.
Sales Rep - 1
Mr Iliketalie - 0

This girl just called in, and right from the word go she was RUDE and arrogant. Within a few seconds my eyebrows were raised, and I knew my lovely chirpy little voice was about to become deadpan reaaaaal quick.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I'm waiting on a REFUND that you guys promised I would have in my account last week and its STILL NOT THERE, and NO I dont have my membership number because you sent me a NEW CARD"

Me - "Okay, that's fine ma'am, the membership number doesn't change even if we send a new card..."

*interrupts me*

Stupid Customer - "I..just..SAID..I..do..not..have..my..number!"

Me - "Uh, okay, I'm aware of that ma'am, I was simply assuring you that you retained your same memebrship number as you seemed to think otherwise. I can bring the policy up with your name"

*I get her policy up. She gives me great big SIGHS between every bit of info she gives me during this process. Painful*

Me - "Okay, so just to confirm ma'am...this was the refund of $61.85?"

Stupid Customer - "YES, and you guys have been telling me it's on its way and it is NOT IN MY BANK ACCOUNT, so you need to get it sorted!"

Me - "Okay. Well I can see here that the reason the money would not be in your bank account is because it is a cheque that has been sent, not a deposit into your bank account"
Stupid Customer - "WHAT! So HOW COME no-one told me that it was a cheque! So I've been wasting my time every day, I've been checking my account for a week and I should have been checking my letterbox!"

*at this point I'm thinking, so what, you go weeks on end without checking your letterbox? Really? What, you only bother checking it when someone notifys you that mail is on the way? Okay, sure, you dumb s*it*

Me  - "Well, ma'am, I can see that every time you called we have noted that the CHEQUE was being written up, the CHEQUE was being sent...the notes indicate we did use the word cheque each time...and the latest note states we told you it was mailed just 2 days ago and you need to allow time for postage?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I KNOW they used the WORD cheque, but they didn't TELL me that it was a cheque! I've been looking in my bank account every day, wasting my time! I want to complain about this!"

*Thinking, you already are....*

Me - "Okay, I'll get that logged for you. And what was the nature of the complaint?"

Stupid Customer - "Are you deaf? I just told you!"

Me - "Okay ma'am, well, I have left notes that you were unhappy due to a misunderstanding about the payment method of the refund. I've advised that the people you spoke with did tell you it was a cheque being sent, so that matter has been clarified, so I just need to confirm what other issue it was that you wished to lodge a claim about?"

Stupid Customer - "I'm complaining because they SAID it was a cheque but they didn't TELL me it was a cheque!"


Yeah.
So her complaint went no-where.

SIGHTING

Was down at a little sandwich shop getting my lunch. Should be a nice, non-eventful trip there and back, yes?
Well no, no that is not how it went down. I was not personally involved but I was witness to the following exchange:

The Stupid Customer is a guy, probably around 40, dressed to the nines in designer gear, gleaming white teeth, hair slicked back....a real cool cat - in his mind, anyway ;)
The other player in this scene is the lovely little lady behind the counter serving. I often get food from there - she looks to be around 55, very quiet, a bit timid, but SO polite and always makes sure your order is perfect, reaches you quickly, and leaves you with a nice smile and wishes you a lovely day

So.

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, so listen, gimme a large burger meal, I want extra fries, gimme lots of sauce, throw in a pie, and I wanna coke as well"

Lovely lady behind counter - "Yes sir, that will be just a few moments. And your total comes to $18.60"

*Stupid Customer ignores here, she goes about getting his order together and comes back quickly with it. She hands it to him*

Stupid Customer - "Good, here, gimme"

*he then starts chowing into the burger, taking huge bights, opens the coke and takes a few big swigs, starts shoving chips in his mouth. All the while the lady is standing there with a little smile on her face, waiting patiently for him to pay. He just stands there being a pig, now holding up the line*

Lovely lady behind the counter - "Um, so that was $18.60 please sir?"

*he looks at her, goes back to eating, still at the counter*

Lovely lady behind the counter - [she is now glancing around nervously, and says in an even more quiet voice] "Um...okay...so sir that will be $18.60 please sir?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah listen, I forgot my wallet today so I'm just going to pay the next time I'm around here. That's alright, yeah?"

And with that, he grabbed the rest of his meal and just walked off.
Poor lady looked like she was about to cry.
What an A*SHOLE

Just got this email. It made my brain explode.

"Hi Tilly. Can you please call Roxanne Harper back on XXXX-XXX-XX. She said you told her you were going to call her back to let her know if her claim had been paid or not? She just called to say she has 5 missed calls from you, so she wants to know why you didn't call her back. She is very unhappy and wants to complain. Thanks!"

1st call today. Approx. 8.30am.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes, I need to check which bank account you take my payments out of, I think I need t update it and I have a payment coming out in a few days, it's pretty urgent"

Me - "Sure, I can help with that. May I please start with your membership number?"

*The guy lets out a huge, exaggerated SIGH...but says nothing...so we're waiting in silence*

Me - "Okay...if you don't have your membership number, that's ok, I can bring the policy up with your name sir?"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH again, then, in a reaaaally annoyed tone "LOOK...I don't have time for this rubbish at the crack of dawn!"

*CLICK, as he hangs up*


Well. Did someone get up on the wrong side of the bed, hmmm? A bed that is vertical to a wall? So the wrong side being that you rolled over, went to get out, and face planted the wall? And suffered some kind of a*s-shat brain damage, hmmm?

Bye bye, f*cknut

I'm *just* about to sign off and head home for the day, and I just got to finish off with this gem

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, hi. So I have surgery coming up and I need to check what's covered"

Me - "Sure, I can help with that :). May I please start with your memebrship number?"

Stupid Customer - "3994502"

Me - "Hmmm, no match there. Was that the number on your card?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah. 9923084"

Me - "Okay, that's a different number, but I'll give that one a try. Okay, no, no sorry, no match under that one either. I can bring the policy up with your name if you like?"

Stupid Customer - "Wait, ok my number is 200130"

Me - "Okay, no, no match. Can I get your name please and I will bring it up that way?"

Stupid Customer - "23200022"

Me, all patience now gone - "No match. Name please?"

Stupid Customer - "1003"

Me - "Name please. There is not match on any of those numbers"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I was just guessing. I dunno what it is. But FINE *BIG SIGH* if you REALLY need my name, if you can't find my policy any OTHER way, then FINE, I suppose I can go out of my way to give it to you"

Me - "Okay"

Stupid Customer - "Brown"

*silence*

Me - "Okay, was that the surname? I need the first name too please sir"

Stupid Customer, big SIGH again - "GOD, you're wasting my time! Look it up, I told you, BROWN! B-R-O-W-N"

Right. Because that's not a common surname at all is it.
Fu*knut.

In the end , I did get the pleasure of telling him he was not covered for this surgery, because he only holds dental cover. No hospital cover whatsoever.
And he acted suprised too "WHAT! I know I only have dental, but what the f*ck does that have to do with anything?!"

Fu*k this sh*t, I'm goin' home *waves*

He really should take out hospital cover though, so he can access the psych services. Yup.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes, I got an ambulance bill, I don't know what to do with it"

Me - "Sure, I can help with that..."

*interrupts me*

Stupid Customer - "I know I'm covered for ambulance but insurance is just so confusing! And no-one there can ever help me when I call in for anything, no-one ever knows what they're talking about..."

Me - "Okay, well..."

*she interupts me again*

Stupid Customer - "It says here that I need to write my membership number and my name, and mail the account to the address at the top of the page - what do I do?! It's so confusing!"

Me - "Um...well...you should write your membership number and name on there and then mail the account to the address at the top of the page??"

Der lady, der

I've just placed an order on this women's policy for a new membership card.

Me - "Okay, that's been requested for you. You should receive the card in 7 to 10 working days"

Stupid Customer - "Great. So I'll get the card by this Friday right?"

It was Monday.
You do the math.
Because apparently, she couldn't.

Ok, so no-one likes it when the system crashes and we are not able to view your policy when you call in.
Obviosuly it is annoying for the customer, you need to call back later or wait for us to call you back when the system is back up and running
But it is also annoying for the call centre staff...as below...which just happened...and my hurt is still hurting...

Me - "Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, I apologise but our systems are currently down and we are unable to view any policy information. If you like I can take down your contact details and return your call shortly, or you are welcome to call us back in about an hour and we will be happy to assist you then"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah...so anyway my number is 4229834, I need you to bring it up and tell me how much I got left on my dental, and also can you check my physio while you're there?"

_____________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, I apologise but our systems are currently down and we are unable to view any policy information. If you like I can take down your contact details and return your call shortly, or you are welcome to call us back in about an hour and we will be happy to assist you then"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, bullsh*t! You're just saying that because I'm calling to complain! Well you're not getting out of it that easy, b*tch. My number's 388013. Look it up. I'm calling to complain because the last person I spoke to was rude to me!"

__________________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, I apologise but our systems are currently down and we are unable to view any policy information. If you like I can take down your contact details and return your call shortly, or you are welcome to call us back in about an hour and we will be happy to assist you then"

Stupid Customer - "I don't get it"

_______________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, I apologise but our systems are currently down and we are unable to view any policy information. If you like I can take down your contact details and return your call shortly, or you are welcome to call us back in about an hour and we will be happy to assist you then"

Stupid Customer - "Nar it's ok, I just want to update my address and check on my eye cover"

_______________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, I apologise but our systems are currently down and we are unable to view any policy information. If you like I can take down your contact details and return your call shortly, or you are welcome to call us back in about an hour and we will be happy to assist you then"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT! You're f*cking useless! What the f*ck is WRONG with you!"

____________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, I apologise but our systems are currently down and we are unable to view any policy information. If you like I can take down your contact details and return your call shortly, or you are welcome to call us back in about an hour and we will be happy to assist you then"

Stupid Customer - "How come? I don't get it. What do you mean, has the health fund closed down?"
_______________________________________________________________________________

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes, I just got back from the dentist and got nothing back, they said the fund says i have reached my limit? Explain this immediately!"

Me - "Sure ma'am, I'll have a look. Ok so each customer with the fund is limited to claiming 3 dental fluoride treatments per year, and you have already used those 3 visits this year. This one, being your 4th, is not claimable. This limit restarts 1 January next year"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT A JOKE! And how long has this STUPID rule been in place?!"

Me - "Since the fund started back in the 70s. It's the same rule across all health funds in this country ma'am"

Stupid Customer - "Well that is RIDICULOUS! I have dental problems and I NEED a fluoride treatment 10 times a year!"

Me - "Okay, well I'm sorry ma'am but it is the same for all customers of all health funds - you can only claim on the first 2"

Stupid Customer - "Well which IDIOT thought up that rule, huh? I want names, NAMES!"

Me - "Okay, well this rule actually comes from *our country's dental board*, they dictate that an individual should receive a fluoride treatment once every 6 mths - anymore and you may actually be doing damage to your teeth. But in answer to your question ma'am, the rule comes from *our country's dental board*, it is outside the control of the health funds themselves - they set our dental benefits"
Stupid Customer - "Well I couldn't give a sh*t if they made up the stupid rule or if you personally did, it's bullsh*t and you will pay!"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, you're limited to claiming on 2 fluoride treatments, just like every single other customer"

Stupid Customer - "NO, I'm BETTER than every other customer, I couldn't give two sh*ts about any other customer, I can claim as many as they want because I am BETTER than everyone else!"


Riiiight
Go away now, you self-entitled whore. Shoo.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, so I need you to tell me how much I got left to claim on chrio"

Me - "Sure no problems, I'll just have a look for you sir"

*as I'm bringing up his balance...*

Stupid Customer - "You know, can I just say, for, you know, feedback...I think it's pretty rude to call people so early in the morning for this kind of sh*t"

Me - "I'm...sorry sir? You actually called us?"

Stupid Customer - "Bullsh*t! No I didn't!"

Me - "Uh...yes sir, you actually did?"

Stupid Customer - "You're such a f*cking liar" *CLICK*

O....kaaaaay then???

I had a call a few days ago that reminded me of a pet peeve of mine...parents who call in and want to do everything for their *very* adult 'kids'. And I'm not talking about the normal situations where a parent might call because the kid has asked them to, or the kid is genuinely unable to handle their own affairs so they require assistance - obviously, of course those are all good.

I'm talking about the ones where the parents seem unable to detach the kid from their tit, and the kid is just a lazy bum leeching off the parent's detachment issues

Observe...

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes, hello, my name is Maria. I'm calling in about my darling little boy's policy. He told me he got a letter from you people saying that he owes money? That's obviously incorrect as I pay everything for my child! So I'm calling in to get this rectified"

[NOTE - anyone of any age can take out their own policy. Up to age 18 a parent or guardian can freely call in and act as the policy holder as the policy holder themselves are under-age. From 18-on though, the customer themselves must send us written authority for any other person who they wish to be an authorised party to enquire or make changes on the policy. In this instance, from the way she was speaking, I assumed she was talking about her son who was younger than 16-ish?]

Me - "Sure, I can help with that. May I have his policy number to start with?"

[She gives me a number. It brings up the policy of a 33-yr old man. So...]

Me - "Whoops, I may have keyed that in wrong, could I please grab that number from you again?"

[Same policy comes up]

Stupid Customer - "Right, so you sent my little boy Mitchie a letter saying he never paid but I pay everything for my little darling, so there must be a mistake!"

[Dear god...this is the right policy...]

Me - "Okay, I have the policy up but I'm sorry ma'am, Mitchell has not authorised anyone else to access his policy..."

*interrupting me, now yelling*

Stupid Customer - "I'M HIS MUMMY! Don't you dare tell me I don't have permission to access my little boy's policy, I do everything for him! He's far too busy what with the television and the video games - you know how it is with young boys there days, busy busy! Now look, he said the letter said he hadn't paid but I know that..."

*me now interjecting*

Me - "Again I'm sorry ma'am, but until Mitchell send us a written letter of authority for yourself, we will be unable to discuss his policy with you"

*she then literally screeeeeams into the phone*

Stupid Customer - "You f*cking b*tch! I'm his f*cking mummy, he isn't going to send you anything! He's too busy! I do everything for him! Now you sort this out for me right now or else you'll f*cking regret it, you got it?!"

Me - "Get him to send the letter of authority for you and we can go from there. Thanks for calling" *CLICK*

It all just makes me...shudder

Yet another type of call that I receive far too often. Tsk tsk.

Guy calls in. Calling your health insurance company , to me, would generally mean that you're about to embark on a nice normal adult conversation, with the chance of a hint of seriousness being thrown in. Given that it's insurance and all, and as we all know, insurance is important.
Right?
Well...not always.

Some people - 90% guys, but I must say that women have been offenders with this one as well - will call and in and for god-damn unknown reason, feel that it is appropriate and normal to talk to me like I am literally a child.
What the eff, I say, what the eff...

Me, in calm, normal, adult professional voice - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer, talking as if he is talking to a 5 yr old - "Hiiiii there love, hey, heya doin'? You doin' okaaaaaaay?"

Me, now deadpan - "I'm fine thanks sir. How can I help"

Stupid Customer - "Awwwww, great, great that's the way love! Great! So listen, I need you to bring up my details there and have a little looksie and tell me how much I got left to claim on physiotherapy, okaaaay? Are you gunna be alright to do that love, or should I speak to a difference area?"

Me - "No I can help with that. You have $300 left to claim this calendar year on physio. Anything else I can help with?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeaaaaah, yeah listen, if it's okay, can you also check if I'm due for another dental check-up love? I can hold if you need to ask someone else there if you're not sure sweetie, you're doin' really well though, good onya' love!"

Me, thinking more & more WTF - "That also goes through me sir. Your next dental checkup is scheduled for December 2nd. Is that date still ok for you or did you need me to change it?"

Stupid Customer - "Noooo, no that's okay love, leave it as it is okaaaay? Well I've got to scoot but look, thanks alot for your help today, you did reaaaaally well lovvvve, okaaaay? Good job! Now you make sure you have a great afternoon, you're doin' really great, okaaaay?"



I mean, I should probably be grateful that finally I have a customer who isn't swearing his nuts off at me. But still. Seriously. WTF is that sh*t?
Every time it happens it makes me reaaaaally want to remind them that the health fund offers psychiatry services, if they're at all interested....

When you call into Health Insurance Inc, you go through one of those auto-prompt-selector type things to reach your destination
Eg:
For existing account enquiries, press 1
For new account enquiries, press 2
For travel insurance, press 3
There are no 'real' people to speak with at this menu

And so on, and so forth...you get the drift my friends :)

So let's set the seen. Grumpy old guy calls in. And let me tell you, he was grumpy from the word GO. Real bee up this guy's ass

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Well you can start by training your staff better!"

Me [with a big SIGH inside] - "I'm sorry sir, what seems to be the problem"

Stupid Customer - "None of you people know what you're doing! The stupid girl just put me through to the switch!"

NOTE - at this stage I am quite impressed, given that we do not actually have a 'switch' area/board/anything of that goddamn nature...so how he was transferred through to such an area is intriguing! Alas, I must stay professional...

Me - "I apologise for the confusion sir. We do not actually have a switch area, but perhaps I can help you?"

Stupid Customer - "No, she transferred me to the switch! And then they transferred me back to the first area, and then a bloke put me straight through to *Your Competition* [so a complete separate health fund], and then the girl there transferred me back and then I got put through to the switch again, and then now I got you! So I suggest you take this to the highest authority and get some training for your staff because you're all imcompetent!"

*It is blatantly obvious that the old dude has had trouble with the automated system and/or not listened to the option properly and, as a result, gone on a bit of a loop-de-loop. However, not wanting to make Mr Grumpy feel like the ass_shat that he in, I again try to remain professional...*

Me - "Okay. Again I apologise sir, but I must say again that we do not actually have a switch area, we certainly do not have a direct line to our competition, and there are no live operators there when you call in. I would love to assist you so perhaps now that you've reached me I can get your account number..."

*he interrupts me*

Stupid Customers - "No no no NO, NO don't you go makin' excuses for them missy, you're just as bad as they are! I hope this call is recorded! Now you do what I say and you go and tell the higher authority there that they need to provide training!"

Me - "I can certainly pass your concerns on sir, but I'm afraid we do not provide training to our customers to teach them how to use the automated phone system"

Stupid Customer - "What?"

Me, still in uber professional voice - "It's just not a service that the company provides sir"



See, I'm all for remaining 110% professional at all times. And I will always go above and beyond for our customers - the nice ones that is ;)
Though kindly be warned that should you call in and start to veer off into the land of dumb-f*ckery, I will have no choice but to pull out my passive-agressive light saber and go all sarcastic and happy-go-la-la on your a*s

Just so you know
:D

This kind of thing happens every few calls. Sends me right back to that little place where I sit there and wonder out loud, just what is wrong  with some people?!

____________________________________________________________

Me - "Ok well I've just updated your banking details for you. Was there anything else I could help you with today?"

Stupid Customer, SCREAMS at me - "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY BITCH!?"

Me - "Um...I was just asking...if there was anything else I could help with today?"

Stupid Customer, back to normal voice - "Oh. Nope." *CLICK*

______________________________________________________________

Me - Thanks for calling Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?

Stupid Customer - "WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT?!"

Me - "Um...I was just saying thanks for calling and how could I help?"

Stupid Customer - "Oh. Yeah I wanna know my dental cover"

________________________________________________________________

Me - "Okay, so you have $40 left to claim on chiropractic"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT THE F*CKING HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?"

Me - "Um, just that you had $40 left on chiro? I'm sorry but you have used all the rest for this year?"

Stupid Customer - "Oh, yeah. I just didn't hear ya'"

__________________________________________________________________

Me - "Okay, tat payment's gone through so you're fine to claim now"

Stupid Customer - "I BEG YOUR PARDON? WHAT THE FU*K DID YOU JUST SAY, WHAT THE FU*K?!"

Me - "Um...I just said your payment went through so you can claim again if you want"

Stupid Customer - "Oh. Good"  *CLICK*

__________________________________________________________________


POINT BEING - I don't give a rats a*s if you mishear or don't hear something. I'm not even expecting a nice, normal, pleasant 'I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, could you please repeat yourself?". I would even be cool with a short and sweet 'what was that?"
But what the f*ck is it with every 2nd or 3rd d*ckhead getting completely worked up and cussing me out every time this happens??
Makes me want to tell then hi thanks for calling , now f*ck off and call back when you've learnt how to act like a normal human being!
Hmph.

I have this same thing happen alot more often then it should....

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I need to know...you know how we get, like, limits on what we can claim each year? Are they on a calendar year basis or financial year basis?"

Me - "A calendar year basis, sir"

Stupid Customer - "Okay, so that's July to July then?"

Me - "Ah, no, no it's a CALENDAR year"

Stupid Customer - "O...kaaaay. So, um... when is that, like, when does a calendar run?"

Me - "That would be January to December"

Stuid Customer - "Ohhhhh, oh okay then. Well thanks!"

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "How much do I get back on a chiropractic session"

Me - "Sure, I'll just bring up your policy and check your coverage"

*he gives me a membership number that does not come up on the system*

Me - "I'm sorry sir, I'm not getting a match with that number, could I please get your name to search for your policy?"

*I get no match on the name either*

Me - "Hmmm, still no match. And was it definetely Health Insurance Inc that you were a member of?"

Stupid Customer - "No, I'm with Competing Health Fund. No how much do I get back on my chiro!"

Me - "Oh, okay well, Im sorry sir, you've called the wrong number. You'll just need to give your own health fund a quick call and they should be fine to assist you :)"

Stupid Customer - *suddenly yelling* "NO I'm  NOT going to call anyone else! You're all health insurance, you're all the same company! You can view my details! Now bring it up and TELL ME how much I get back!"

Me - "Again sir I apologise but we are completely different..."

*interrupting me*

Stupid Customer - "You're all the same company!!!"

*CLICK* as he hangs up

A women has called and right off the bat, she starts reading off her credit card number...

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I..."

*interrupting me*

Stupid Customer - "4365 833 9..."

*me interjecting - I don't want some random person spouting out ther credit card details over the phone!*

Me - "Sorry to cut in there ma'am - could I confirm what this information you're giving is for?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I want insurance, here' my number to pay for it"

Me - "Okay...did you already have a pending policy with our fund that was awaiting payment to finalise setup?"

Stupid Customer - "No, I want insurance, I have an operation this afternoon so you need to insure me"

Me - "Okay. Would this be the first time you would be taking out health insurance?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, and can you hurry up or what? I gotta drive over to the hospital soon for pre-admission!"

Me - "Okay, I'm sorry ma'am but if are taking out insurance for the first time, there are waiting periods that you need to serve for all services, and the wait for any kind of surgery is 12 months..."

Stupid Customer - "That's BULLSH*T! I got surgery TODAY so here's my card, set it up, and hurry the f**k up! I just need the cover for today then I'm gonna cancel it off anyway! 4365 833..."

Me - "Ma'am, sorry to cut in again, but insurance does not work like that. You cannt take out a policy, have surgery the same day, claim the cost of the surgery back , and then cancel the insurance"

Stupid Customer - "You're a b*tch, you know that?! You're what's wrong with our country, people like you and your company. Always screwing the everyday person who works hard, and pays their taxes, you people are always out just to rip us hard working folk off!"

Me - "Well ma'am, I mean, the thing that wouldn't be fair would be if we allowed people to join up and pay a few dollars for a days worth of cover and then claims thousands back on a surgery the same day, onyl for them to then close their policy. Premiums for all members who have been with the fund and paying for years would skyrocket, and the fund would eventually shut down due to not being viable"

Stupid Customer - "NO, you're all just a bunch of CROOKS and because of YOU I can't have my surgery today so you can all F*CK OFF and I hope you feel BAD that you've caused me to miss my surgery!"

*CLICK*

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "YEAH! So look, if I change health insurance companies, will I get the same benefits?"

Me - "Uh...so just to clarify ma'am...you're asking, if you close down your policy here with our fund and you transfer to another health insurance company , you want to know if you will receive the exact same type of cover with the new fund?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, that's what I'm asking. So will I or what?"

Me - "Well...you would need to check the coverage with the new fund directly. We cannot comment on the policies of other health funds that have no relation to us ma'am. May I enquire as to why you're considering changing funds in the first instance?"

Stupid Customer - *yelling* "BECAUSE OF RUBBISH LIKE THIS! YOU GUYS CAN NEVER ANSWER ANYTHING I ASK!"

Me - "Okay. Well as mentioned ma'am, we certainly cannot make comment on a completely separate companies policies. Can I ask what other times we haven't been able to answer your questions to your satisfaction though ma'am? Perhaps there was some misunderstanding?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, you guys do it every time, right! I called last week to ask what kind of dental work I need, and the idiot I spoke to said I would have to consult a dentist! A few weeks before that I called and asked if I needed glasses, and was told I had to see an optometrist! And before THAT I called and asked if the guy thought I needed to get my back cracked, and he told me I would need to speak with a chiropractor! You people are just f**king useless, why do I even HAVE insurance?!"

Me - *trying not to laugh* "Well ma'am, your health fund is here to pay a benefit towards services that you claim on. That's what all health funds do. I'm afraid the operators you spoke with were right in every instance there - we cannot tell you over the phone if you have poor eyesight, a bad back, are in need of dental work"

Stupid Customer - "Well the other funds can tell me that!"

Me - "Well...I suggest you join those other funds then ma'am"

Stupid Customer - *CLICK*

Stupid Customer - "I'm calling about my membership card"

Me - "Sure, how could I help with that today?"

Stupid Customer - "............."

Me - "Hello?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, so my card"

Me - "Okay....was there a problem with your card?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah"

Me - "Okay. And what was the problem with the card?"

Stupid Customer - "It's, like, not doing it"

Me - "Not doing it, sir? I'm sorry, I don't quite understand, could you please elaborate for me?"

Stupid Customer - ".............."

Me - "Hello?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah"

Me - "Is your card damaged sir?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummmmmmmm............."

Me - "????"

Stupid Customer - "It just doesn't do it"

Me - "It doesn't do what sir? It doesn't swipe properly? Is the card not reading when you swipe it?"

Stupid Customer - "Nar"

Me - "Okay. Well, to assist you I'm goign to need a bit more information sir. Can you please tell me exactly what the issue with your card is?"

Stupid Customer - "No-one will take it"

Me - "O..kay? And have they said why they won't take it?"

Stupid Customer - "They just gave the pieces back, I dunno why"

Me - "I'm sorry sir...the pieces?!"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I was bored and cut it up and now no-one will accept it"


Wow.
Just....wow.

I've just spent over half an hour on a call with a woman who had a hospital claim declined, because she was not covered for that type of surgery on her policy.
Obviously, she is not happy.

Stupid Customer - "What's your telephone extension number? I am going to lodge such a huge complaint against you that you won't know what hit you!"

Me - "Okay. Well we don't actually have telephone extension numbers. We are identified by our Agent ID number. My Agent ID number is 4207"

Stupid Customer - "I TOLD you to give me my telephone extension number! You can't withold that information from you just to avoid getting the biggest complaint you're ever receive made against you!!"

Me - "Of course not ma'am. However, there are literally no telephone extension numbers within our company. They do not exist. I am ID'd by the Agent ID number 4207"

Stupid Customer - "GIVE ME YOUR TELEPHONE EXTENSION NUMBER YOU B*TCH!"

Me - "I can't give you what doesn't exist ma'am"

Stupid Customer - "I don't care! Make one up!"

Me - "Um... well, I imagine that would defeat the purpose ma'am. If I made up a telephone extension number and you use dit in a complaint against me, no-one would be able to locate the number so the complaint would go nowhere?"

Stupid Customer - "I am demanding that you give me a telephone extension number, I will be complaining about your poor customer service and your refusal to give me your number!"

Me - "Er...okay then ma'am. The telephone extension number that I am making up for you is 133497?"

Stupid Customer - "THERE! Was that so hard?!"

*CLICK*

Ooooo-kay then

Good lord. My VERY first call of the day. I am still half asleep and in no mood for bum fuckery. And yet, this delightful woman just *had* to pick up the phone and call in, and I just *had* to get the call.

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"

 A 5 minute life story then ensures...

Stupid Customer - "Yes I'm calling because I got a letter from you, I was overseas for 10 months and I was on holidays and the scenary was really nice and I had arranged for payment before I went and then no I' m back and the letter said something went amiss which is very strange because I had already organised the payment prior to going on my holiday, which included Europe, the scenary was very nice, but then i got this letter saying that my payments are just a bit overdue, but while I was over in Europe..."

She craps on for a few minutes - by now I've already made 2 model paper airplanes and have been test flying them on my desk. I already know what she is calling about - she wants to backpay that 'small' amount owing, no doubt because she suddenly wants to use her policy. And voila, 5 minutes later, she gets to the point...

Stupid Customer - "...and so do I'll just give you my credit card and you can setup a direct debit for this Friday, ok? You got a pen?"

Me - "Okay, firstly ma'am, we do nto debit from credit cards. Only bank accounts. I've been reading the notes on your file - your policy was closed one year ago. You told us at that stage you wanted us to debit from a credit card, we told you that was not possible, you told us - and I quote - 'you will do as a I damn well tell you' - and then hung up on the operator you were speaking to. Since then we sent you numerous emails, letters, and left voice messages as you would not answer your phone, letting you know payment was due and your policy was falling into arrears and you had by March to March backpayment or else you would need to rejoin as a new member and reserve all your waiting periods. It is now October. You will need to rejoin as a new member and reserve all waiting periods."

Stupid Customer - "Now you listen here, I've been a member for a long time, I won't stand for you people running me over like this. I've got an operation next week and you people WILL cover it!"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, as advised, you weer notified via various methods over half a year ago what was required to keep your policy active, you chose not to comply with that adn as such, you no longer have an active poilcy and there is definetely no opportunity any longer for you to backpay what is owing"

Stupid Customer - "I've been a member for years!"

Me - "Yes, and that is why your period of repayment was extended out to March - that is 2 months longer than a standard customer. You missed your deadline by over 6 mths, and are now calling just because you have an operation you want fully covered. This fund will not be covering any of the operation"

Stupid Customer - "Now you listen to me and you listen good, you WILL take my payment"

*CLICK*

And she had hung up on me!

We are all helping our customers - to a reasonable extent!
Calling in almost a year after you CHOSE to stop payment, just because you now want an operation covered, is not how it works, I am sorry!
You cant cancel your car insurance and then call in a year later and say 'hey so I just crashed my car, let me backpay my insurance so it will be covered'

Too early in the morning for me to be having to listen to such idiocy, I say, hmph

We get calls from not only customers who are members of the health fund, but also hospitals and DRs, who are calling to generally cahse up on outstanding claims/payments.
The hospitals and Drs are still our customers too, technically.
So I get a call from a woman from a hospital, and oh lordy did it make me concerned that she was in control of patient accounts. If I'm ever in need to medical attention, I now know to NOT go to that hospital!

Me - hello :)
Stupid Customer - the patient accounts woman from the hospital

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?

Stupid Customer - [All said in a very stuck up, snotty tone]    "Yes, hello, I was told 20th September that you people were investigating a claim that had not been paid, and that someone was going to call me back. Well, no-one has called me back, you still haven't paid the claim - I want to know why you people can't do your job"

Me - "Ok, let's have a look. Right, we I can see that a hospital claims assessor attemped to call you back several times 21st September..."

*interrupting me*

Stupid Customer - "No, no-one called me"

Me - "Okay. Just to confirm, is this the number we should have for you XXX-XXXX-XXX" [number obviously blanked out to protect the stupid!]

Stupid Customer - "Yes, that's my number, and no-one called me"

Me - "Okay. Well it says here they called 6 times over the course of 2 days and every single the call went to voicemail for you and message were left advisign we had called, the time we would next be calling, and they also left a direct line for you to call us back on, should we keep missing you"

Stupid Customer - "Yes, I got all of those voice messages. But no-one called me"

Me - "O...kay? Well, the main thing is that I have you on the phone now, and I can confirm that we had called to advise that that claim had actually been paid by it's due date, and was directly deposited into the DRs bank account"

Stupid Customer - "No, the claim was not paid"

Me - "Okay, well our records indicate that it was, the money should have been deposited 17th August."

Stupid Customer - "No, it's not there"

Me - "Okay, well I can ask our claims department to lodge a trace. Did you receive any other monies from the fund around that date at all? I just want to be sure that there are no other outstanding payments"

Stupid Customer - "I wouldn't know, I never checked the bank account"

Me - "O...kay? Well... I would suggest checking the account to see if the payment is in there. I'm sorry...can I just ask...how did you know the payment was missing if you had not checked the account?"

Stupid Customer - "You people always sent me a letter telling me what's been paid, and I never got the letter this time"

Me - "Okay. That's a bit unusual, we have a note here that the letter was mailed the same day the deposit was made. Has there been a recent change in the hospital's mailing address?"

Stupid Customer - "No, I get all the mail you people send us here, I've got a huge pile sitting in my office"

Me - "Okay. And the letter was deifnetely not in any of the pile you have there?"

Stupid Customer - "Dunno, I haven't opened any of it"

Me - O______O


OMFG.
And she does patient accounts.
Scary.

I'm not sure if I've already mentioned this before, I probably have, given how often it happens...so I apologise if there is a double up, but I really must say...

95% of the time that a call starts with the customer telling me how long they ahve been a member [without so much of a hello etc], I just KNOW that are about to waste 10 mnutes of my life crapping on about something stupid , that does not at all warrant a complaint.

In the past few days alone, I have experienced the following.
NOTE - In EVERY instance, the customer said this RIGHT after I had said my usual opening spiel ["Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how may I help you?"]...no hi, nothing


"Yeah look, I've been a member for over 20 years, so why did I just have to wait to get through to an operator? I expect better service, I should be connected to someone AS SOON as I enter your phone number!"
Oh but of course! I apologise! See we do have this magic little system that recognises that it is you calling as soon as you connect, at which point it then picks up your calls and bypasses it past every single other person calling in, and directs you right through to an operator sitting in his own room, with a phone, just waiting for you to call, so he can be ready to assist you right away. That magic system must have just been down when you called this one time. Sincere apologies!

"I've been a member for over 10 years, and you people sent me a letter saying that if i wanted to claim on dental, I would need to take out dental cover first! After all this time you people should be paying for all my dental for free, whether I'm covered for it or not!"
Well, I must say, I'm very glad you let me know that's how it works. See I've been paying for car insurance for over 10 years as well, hot damn, they've been screwing me all this time! I'm going to stop paying my insurance now, and if I have a crash, that's fine - they will still pay for damages and repair costs, even though I'm no longer coveredm, because dammit, I'm a long-term customer!

"My wife and I have been members since the 70s. Since we're long term members, we'd like our premiums abolished. Our health cover will be free from this point on, you hear me?"
Yes, I hear you sir. Did you just hear what I said too? Oh, you didn't? That's ok, I'll repeat myself - I called you a f*cknut. Now you have a good day sir, and don't forget that your next bill is due in a month!

"Yes, we've been members for many years, and we recently had a claim knocked back. The letter said we can't claim if our payments aren't up to date. We've been members for years, so click the little button on your screen there and unlock our policy young lady"
Yeah, how about no. I don't care if you've been a member for 2 months or 20 years - the rules regarding payment are the same - if you want to be able to use the policy, you must keep your payments up to date.
So, I just clicked on the 'little button' on my screen, and computer says NO