Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "How much do I get back on sunglasses?"

* I bring up his policy, ID him, go through the motions*

Me - "Okay sir, so you can claim back a maximum $350, but please bear in mind that you can only claim towards prescription sunglasses"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, they're not prescription but that's fine"

Me - "Oh, no I'm sorry sir, that's what I was just saying, you CAN'T claim on them if they are non-prescription. They must be prescription to be able to claim"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah I heard you, I know, but they aren't prescription but that doesn't matter, I'll claim them anyway"

Me - "I'm sorry sir but if you send in a claim like that it was be rejected"

Stupid Customer - "No it won't"

Me - "I'msorry sir, yes it will be"

Stupid Customer - "Well they're prescription then"

Me - "Okay. Well to claim on glasses sir, you have to include a copy of your prescription anyway. If they're prescription and the script is included, then you're fine to claim. If not, then the laim is rejected"

Stupid Customer - "Well who the f*ck are you? Why do you get to decide what I can and can't claim on?!"

Me - "It's not my decision sir, I'm simply relaying the fund rules to you so that know what to expect prior to lodging a claim"

Stupid Customer - "You're just being racist because I'm gay!"

Me - "Um...okay. I mean...okay, I do feel that I should point out that a person race and sexuality are two entirely separate things...neither of which would have anything to do with, well, anything...plus there would be no way of me being privvy to any such personal information anwyay sir, as I am merely talking to you over the phone"

Stupid Customer - "Whatever, you racist b*tch!"

Me - "Okay"

Stupid Customer - "I want a manager!"

Me - "Okay"

Stupid Customer - "Are you deaf?"

Me - "No sir"

Stupid Customer - "I want a manager!"

Me - "Yes sir. You stated that already. I'm afraid if you don't currently have a manager but you seek one, that is not something I can assist you with. I would suggest perhaps contacting your HR department about that?"

Stupid Customer - "Huh?"

Me - "Oh nothing sir [INSERT EVIL GRIN]. So you were asking to actually *speak* with a manager of mine, was it?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah! I'm gonna tell them what a racist b*tch you are!"

Me - "Okay. I apologise but our managers do not take complaints that are based on personal opinion"

Stupid Customer - "It's not my opinion, you're being racist because I'm gay! If I wasn't gay then you'd let me claim on my sunnies!"

Me - "Okay sir. What I'll do is pass this through and have a manager listen to this call, and then call you back with some feedback. Is that ok with you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, yeah get a manager to listen to this call adn then call me back and let me know what they think!"

Me - "Okay sir. I'll make sure that happens. Thanks for calling"

So, that was earlier today.
So far half the office has sat in to have a go at listening to that call. There's been plenty of feeback, but none of it is what I think he was quite hoping for ;)

Most customers, we are absolutely polite and professioanl with. As you would expect.
In instances like this, I'm sorry, but if you act like an a*s clown like this, then really, what else do you deserve?