Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes, hi, I just had a question about my policy?"

Me - "Sure, I'll just bring that up and have a look. What was your membership number?"

*He gives me a number that doesn't appear on our system*

Me - "Hmmm. I'm not getting a match under that one sir. I should be fine to bring it up using a name search. May I please get your first and last name please?"

Stupid Customer - "Oscar"

Me - "Okay, thanks for that sir, and just your surname now please?"

Stupid Customer - "Uh, that's a bit of a stupid question don't you think?"

Me - "Um, well, I mean, no, no I do rerequire your surname to be able to bring you up on our system, we would have quite alot of customers with the name Oscar..."

Stupid Customer - "Well I know it's a common name, but still. Well it doesn't matter anyway, there is no last name. Just Oscar"

Me - "O...kay then. Alright well I'll try with a date of birth then sir. May I please get your date of birth?"

Stupid Customer - "What is it with you and these stupid questions? How the hell am I supposed to know that!"

Me - "Uh...you don't know your date of birth sir?"

Stupid Customer - "Pft, I told you, no! I don't know how anyone can be expected to know that! look, can I ask why you're bring do difficult and un-helpful right now? I told you, I just want to check something on my policy, I JUST want to know when the next payment's due! Why is that so hard!"

Me - "I do apologise sir, but I need to ask these questions to try and locate your policy since the membership number you provided did not bring anything up. It was Health Insurance Inc that you are with, isn't it sir? You have a health insurance policy with us"

Stupid Customer - "Yes! I've had my policy with your company for about 3 years now! Just look it up okay, I told you already, my name's Oscar!"

Me - "As mentioned sir, I will need more than just a first name. Do you recall the last thing you claimed on perhaps, and I cant search via the claims history?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah it was just last week actually, I went in and got some shots done"

Me - "Okay, excellent sir, I'll bring up the pharmacy claims from the last week and we can go from there. Okay, so what type of vaccines were they?"

Stupid Customer - "It was mainly just worming shots that I got"

Me - "Oh...okay, well I mean, I know that you can claim on worming tablets that are prescription only, but for actual vaccines I'm not sure, I would need to check because I'm familiar with the tablets but not the vaccines..."

Stupid Customer - "Oh for F*CK SAKE! You're an idiot, a complete and utter idiot! Is there a manager I can speak to? Who the f*ck hasn't heard of worming shots, are you new or something? Can you get me someone who knows what they're doing?"

Me - "Okay sir. Well before I see if a manager is available, I can check one last thing that may work for us here - what was the name of the place you got the shot done at?"

Stupid Customer - "Burrows Solutions"

*I look up our list of pharmacies/clinics etc....no match*

Me - "Okay, well I'm sorry sir but I don't actually get a match on that name on our list here..."

*interrupting me*

Stupid Customer - "Oh for god sakes, you're a complete idiot, you know that? Useless, just useless. I've had enough, stop wasting my time and go get me someone who knows what they're doing"

*While he was saying that I have Googled Burrow Solutions*

Me - "Uh...just to clarify sir...I do get a match on Burrow Solutions, but it comes up as a vet?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, no sh*t! I alreayd told you, that's where I got my shots done at!"

Me - "Uh...okay, I mean...I just don't quite understand why you would be getting your vaccines done at a vet, I mean, is there a DRs clinic attached or something?"

Stupid Customer - "What? No! I TOLD you! That's where I took Oscar to get his shots! What is WRONG with you?!"

Me - "Er, I'm sorry sir...this whole time you have been referring to yourself...who may I ask is Oscar?"

Stupid Customer - "MY F*CKING DOG! I TOLD YOU ALREADY, I GOT A QUESTION ABOUT HIS POLICY!"

Me - "Right. So were you after pet insurance then?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes! I already TOLD you that!"

Me - "Yeah, sorry sir, no, no you did not. As mentioned more than once, you've called Health Insurance Inc. Health Insurance. We do not do pet insurance. You've called the wrong company. May I suggest checking the number you have dialled, and if you do get through to the right place, to not refer to yourself when speaking about your pet dog? It may allow the person answering to understand what it is you are actually talking about. Thanks for calling"    *CLICK*

What a F*CKWIT