All day this rude woman had been calling in over an over - she had been knocked back on a claim because she hadn't paid her policy in about 6 mths, so her policy had been cancelled [yes, another one of the ones where she was amazed to hear that, omg, I actually have to pay  to have insurance! No way! Ugh.
So anyway, she had called in so many times that her name had become known around the office, and I recognised her phone number.

So I get an inbound call, and can see it is her number...
it;s nearing the end of my shift, I'm tired and over it, and she just wont let up with the ass-clownery, so I decided that if anything, I was going to make the call 'interesting'...I was not ever once 'rude', but I decided to act dumb the whole time...

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes! Now you listen, I've had to waste my time and call in many times today. I've got a problem and you WILL fix it for me, otherwise I tell you what, I'll have your job!"

Me - "Oh okay. Well I'm sorry ma'am, but there aren't actually any positions that are currently open"

Stupid Customer - "What?"

Me - "Well you said you'll have my job, but I like my job and have no plans to leave, so my own job isn't available, and as far as I'm aware there aren't any other positions free either"

Stupid Customer - "I don't want to work there! I have a problem!"

Me - "I'm sorry to hear that ma'am"

Stupid Customer - "So are you going to help me or what?"

Me - "With your problem ma'am?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes!"

Me - "Well, I'll do my best. What was the problem that you have ma'am?"

Stupid Customer - "You idiots knocked back my claim!"

Me - "I can't see that ma'am"

Stupid Customer - "What? I've been calling you people all day about this stuff up and now you're telling me you can't see it?!"

Me - "That's correct. You haven't given me any of your details yet ma'am, so right now I'm staring at a blank screen, so I can't see your problem. What was your membership number?"

Stupid Customer - "Oh. My. God. Okay, the number is..."

*she gives me all her details, though of course I already had the policy up since I knew who was calling*

Me - "Okay ma'am, so your policy has been closed for months due to non-payment, and obviously you can't claim on a closed policy. So what seems to be the problem today ma'am?"

Stupid Customer - "That's it! THAT's the problem! You idiots tried telling me that I have to PAY to keep my policy!"

Me - "That's right ma'am"

Stupid Customer - "Well I disagree!"

Me - "I'm sorry to hear that"

Stupid Customer - "I don't have any money!"

Me - "Really? Neither do I, I left my wallet at home today. It's been terrible. I had to borrow money to get my lunch"

Stupid Customer - "I don't care!"

Me - "Really? I wish I was a care free as you about having no money ma'am, I've been stressing about it!"

Stupid Customer - "No, I mean, I do care, but not about you!"

Me - "Well that's okay ma'am, I mean we aren't friends or anything so I suppose I can't really expect you to care about my situation, that's fine"

Stupid Customer - "Um...yeah, but whatever! So can we get back to my problem?"

Me - "Sure thing ma'am, but I mean, I can't loan you any monoey or anything"

Stupid Customer - "What?"

Me - "Well, you said your problem was that you had no money, and you want to talk about it with me , so I just wanted to let you know right away that I don't ahve any money to lend you!"

Stupid Customer - "What? No! My problem is that you idiots didn't pay my claim!"

Me - "Oh, okay. Well I mean, like I said, your policy has been closed for months, so that matter isn't really up for discussion, so I can see why you would be upset but I don't see how it's a 'problem' as such? How did you want me to help you today ma'am?"

Stupid Customer - "Pay my f*cking claim!"

Me - "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am, we don't pay towards those types of services"

Stupid Customer - "What?"

Me - "We don't pay towards those ma'am. If you want I can send you a brochure so you can read through our products and choose one to re-join on?"

Stupid Customer - "What? I don't want to re-join!"

Me - "Oh okay, well thanks for calling then ma'am, you have a lovely afternoon"

Stupid Customer - "What? Oh, f*ck it"... *CLICK*


Hehe.
Yes, yes, I know. I'm evil. But seriously people. All day, over and over, she kept calling and abusing the living hell out of my colleagues, including making racial slurs and making threats of bodily harm. And don't even get me started on her thinking she didn't have to pay for health insurance...