Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummm...ahhh...ummmm"

*silence*

Me - "Hello? You've come through to Health Insurance Inc, how could I help you today ma'am?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummm...yeaaaaaah...I just, like, wanna know if I'm covered"

*silence*

Me - "Ok ma'am. And what service was it that you were wanting to check is covered or not?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummm...ahhh....ummmm"

*silence*

Me - "Hello? Ma'am, are you still there?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah"

Me - "Okay, excellent. So just to confirm, what service was it that you were wanting to check the coverage for?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummm....like, I dunno"

Me - "O...kay then. Well I'm afraid I can only run a check on your policy if you know what service it is I am checking for you"

Stupid Customer - "I'm, like, having a kid"

Me - "Oh okay, well, congratulations! So you were wanting to double check whether or not the birth will be covered, is that correct ma'am?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah"

Me - "Okay, we can help check that for you. May I please start with your membership number ma'am?"

Stupid Customer - "No"

Me - "O....kay. Well, that's okay, if you don't have your membership number with you I can bring your policy up with your name"

*she gives me her name*

Me - "Hmmm, I'm not getting a match there ma'am. To clarify, were you on a single or a family policy?"

Stupid Customer - "Single"

*I have another search, but still nothing*

Me - "I'm still not having luck there ma'am, I might have to try and locate your policy using your date of birth"

*she gives me her date of birth - still no match*

Me - "Hmmm, still no luck there ma'am. May I ask , roughly, when it was you joined the fund?"

Stupid Customer - "I'm, like, not a member"

Me, as I bang my head on the desk - "Oh, okay then. So you were wanting to check if you would be covered for the birth of your child? If you're currently pregnant I'm afraid that..."

*she interrupts me*

Stupid Customer - "Look can you hurry up? I'm having contractions, I just wanna know which plan I gotta take so this is all covered!"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, just to clarify - you aren't a member at present and you're calling whilst pregnant and in the middle of contractions, hoping to be covered for the imminent birth?"

Stupid Customer - "Yes! So which one do I gotta go on, and like I said, can you hurry up?"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, there is a 12 month wait for pregnancy, you cannot take out cover right before a birth and then be covered. May I suggest you start to make your way to your nearest hospital if you're currently in labor?"

Stupid Customer, suddenly YELLING - "USELESS F**KING B*TCH!"

*CLICK* as she then hangs up


I just stared at the phone for a good 30 seconds after that call. I mean, b*tch, please. On what planet can someone call in out of the blue and expect to be able to take out a policy that will pay out thousands upon thousands of dollars for a birth that is *just* about to take place.
That kid of hers is in reaaaaaal trouble with a mother like that, yikes...