Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid  Customer, in a very stuck up tone - "Yes yes, look, you might want to just get a manager right away because I doubt an unqualified phone monkey such as yourself will be able to sort this one out for me"

Me - "I'm sorry sir, our managers do not take direct transfers like this, we are required to try and resolve your query first before they will step in. What seems to be the problem sir?"

Stupid Customer - "*SIGH* Well the problem my dear is that I just went to the dentist and my card would not swipe. I have a Premier account with you people and I find this entirely unacceptable! I demand my dental rebate be paid into my account immediately, and I will also be seeking compensation over this abomination!"

*NOTE - there is no such thing as a 'Premier account' with our fund*

Me - "Okay sir, I'll just bring up your policy and take a look"

*I bring up his policy, roll my eyes, and go back to the guy...*

Me - "Ok sir, so basically all that's happened here is that you haven't paid your policy in 4 months. Once it has been paid up to date you will be able to go back to claiming"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT! Excuse me! I believe this is when you need to go and get a manager, you incompetent minion!"

Me - "I'm sorry sir but this is not a matter that requires a managers intervention. We have numerous notes here stating that not only did we send letters advising of the overdue amount, but we made several phone calls to you. The notes here state that each time we called, you abused the operator and then hung up on them. As mentioned, to be able to start claiming again you just need to pay the outstanding amount"

Stupid Customer - "Where's that manager I just requested?! Are you deaf, little girl? I have a PREMIER ACCOUNT! Do you not know who I am?!"

Me - "I do apologise sir but we do not actually have 'Premier accounts'. As it relates to claiming, you are required to pay to keep your policy up to date like every other customer"

Stupid Customer - "That rubbish does not apply to me! You are incompetent!"

*NOTE - I'm going through his policy all this time, trying to find out if he really is someone 'important', for example, someone on a corporate account etc.
But nope. Nothing. He has a standard run of the mill policy, and the notes reveal he is nothing more than a serial complainer, and an abusive, arrogant and rude one at that*

Me - "Ok sir, I've just gone through the notes on your policy. You are on a standard hospital and dental package, there are no notes to suggest you have a personal account manager. The notes that we do have outline that you have been advised many times that your account is overdue, and that that balance is payable before you are able to claim anything else. Would you like me to transfer you to our accounts department and they can take that payment for you?"

Stupid Customer - "You listen here and you listen good young lady. I won't stand for this rubbish. I'm above you and people like you. You're nothing, you hear me? You're right at the bottom of the food chain. I tred on maggots like you. If I walked past you in the street, I would spit on you. You're so pathetic that I have no doubt you failed to pass basic elementary school. I have a pet dog who is more intelligent than you are. I'll have you know that I know exactly where your offices are located, and I have your name now. Before too long, you won't make it home one night, you hear me? I'll be out waiting for you and ...."

*As he rambles on, I click a few buttons on my end...*


Me - "Sorry to inject here sir, but I do have other customers waiting to get through. I just need to inform you that your account has now been terminated in line with our policy relating to abuse and treats made against staff. You'll be sent a letter confirming this in writing, please refer to Section 46 and 48 should you wish to read this Policy in detail"

Stupid Customer - "WHAT! Excuse me! I'll have you know..."

*My time to interrup...*

Me - "Thanks for calling sir, you have a lovely afternoon!"
*CLICK*

SERIOUSLY people.
What possesses any human being to think that they can call in and speak to someone like that, and now have to suffer any consequence?
I don't mind so much the idiotic 'insults', frankly, they make you seem more like a boy than a man. I mean, really, b*tch, is that the best you got? Pft. Pft I say.
But once you step it up a notch an start making actual threats to my safety and wellbeing...well der klunk, Einstein. Waddya think was gunna happen?