Stupid Customer - "Hi, my wife recently died so I need to take her off the policy and get a refund on all the extra I paid, I've been paying for a couple and it should ahve been single"

Me - "Sure I can help with that. Ok so...oh, oh ok...I can see you've called a few times about this already?"

Stupid Customer - "No I haven't"

Me - "Okay...well I can see you called on this date, this date, this date, this date... and...okay...so the first time you called you advised us your wife died...5 years ago? And we advised we can remove her now but we cannot backpay you 5 years worth of premium, we can only backdate it about 3 mths at the most. Then it is noted you swore and hung up. Then you called back adn said your wife died 6mths ago, we told you we need a copy of the death certificate, you again swore and hung up. Then you called and said your wife died about 3month ago..."

***interrupting me***

Stupid Customer - "I never called. I need to take off my wife who recently died and get all my money back"

Me - "Ok. Well the process is, we need a copy of the death certificate sent to us, and it must be a verified copy. We then remove that person as of the date of death of the certificate, and we can refund up to 6mths worth of over paid premium"

Stupid Customer - "I don't have the death certificate. It was lost"

Me - "That's fine, a verified copy is fine"

Stupid Customer - "I can't get a copy, I don't have time for this!"

Me - "I apologise but this is our requirement, particularly in the case where a refund is required"

Stupid Customer - "This is bullsh*t, my wife just died and you're making me jump through hoops! Can I speak to a manager?"

*** I feel a bit bad for him in case he is actually telling the truth [somehow], so I place him on hold and go and speak to a manager. We read through all the notes on the policy, and I return***

Me - "Ok, I just spoke to a manager..."

***interrupting me again***

Stupid Customer - "So when am I getting my refund?!"

Me - "They aren't able to refun you anything, and I will explain why. We have notes dating back just voer 5 years when you did first call to advise us your wife passed away. We told you then to send the death certificate to finalise this. Four times over the 6 mths beyond that we called you ourselves to advise we hadn't yet received the death certificate and reminded you to send it to ensure you would get your refund. Each time, you swore at the people calling you, saying that you would do what you liked and when you felt like it. Since then we also sent numerous letters reminding you to send the death certificate so the timeframe didn't lapse, and we got no response"

Stupid Customer - "I don't care, I'm telling you to do this and you WILL do this"

Me - "No, sorry, we wont"

Stupid Customer - "Get me a manager then"

Me - "I'm sorry, as mentioned I just spoke to my manager, and they dont take calls where the information they will provide is identical to what you ahve already been told, that would be a waste of time and they are busy people"

Stupid Customer - "I want to lodge a complaint then"

Me - "Sure, I'll note that down and pass that through. Now, on what grounds are you lodging a complaint?"

Stupid Customer - "You people wont give me my money back!"

Me - "As mentioned we gave you every opportunity to get your manager back, you ignored our reuqests and advice, we explained the consequences, you continued to ignore us, and you also abused us. So I can pass this through but I need a VALID reason for complaint please"

*CLICK*

Moron