Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "My con-poo-ta told me I'm not allowed to print out my forms and I gotta call you"

Me - "Okay sir...so, this was a form from our website was it?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I had to go to hospital a few weeks ago in one of those car thigns with the sirens, 'cause I was in the yard tryin' to mow the lawn and then before I knew what had happened I was kinda like inside the lawn mower or something, like my legs were gone and then there was blood and s*it, so I was yellin' for me missus to come help but then I remembered she left me like 2 years ago, so then I was just yellin' and hollering cause you know, my legs were being eaten by the machine and all, and then a neighbour friend of mine, she yelled out that she could see me and was calling that car with the lights and then they came and took me there me to their premises to work on me which was good because I'd been eaten alive and was dead by that point. And now I gotta print out the form here for that car road trip and the con-poo-ta told me I'm not allowed, so now I'm callin' you to see if you can unblock me"

Me, mouth agape - "O...kay sir. So I take it you need to print out a claim form for an ambulance trip that was required after a recent incident with a lawn mower. Is that correct?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah! Yeah that be right"

Me - "Right. Okay sir, well usually we don't 'ban' our customers from being able to print out forms. Could you please read to me the error message you have on your screen there?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah, for sure. Okay, you ready? Yeah. Okay, so it says here at the top that 'print job not allowed'. No, like, I just need you to allow me,okay?"

Me - "Ah, no, no I don't believe we're blocking you sir. Does it say anything else?"

Stupid Customer - "Nah. Just that. Look, can you just unblock it cause I gotta take a pi*s and the longer you make me wait the more chance there is I just gonna pi*s all over myself"

Me - "Okay. Well this sounds like an issue on your end with the computer sir...if it doesn't say anything else you may need to contact the technical support for your..."

*talks over me*

Stupid Customer - "I dunno if this has anything to do with it or what, it's probably not important, but the con-poo-ta says below that that the printer is out of paper, and I need to refill it. Should I do that? Cause, like, I dont wanna break the con-poo-ta"

Me, banging my head on my desk - "Yes sir, I believe that refilling the paper in your printer will solve everything for you, and you will be able to print your form"

Stupid Customer - "So you unblocked it right?"

Me - ".......ah, yes, yes I've unblocked it on my end. Now all you need to do to complete the process is put more paper in the printer. Then you can print the form"

Stupid Customer - "Hey thanks heaps lady! I'm gonna go get this paper situation sorted out, then I'm gonna go take a pi*s, thanks!"  ... *CLICK*