Ok, Im sorry, but I just got some sweet satasfaction out of this...

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "I need to update my credit card details for payment and also my address and phone numbers, so basically I just need to update everything in my policy, I want everything changed"

Me - "Certainly ma'am, I can help with that"

*I get off her the policy number and name of the primary member*

Me - "Okay, and just for security, may I please have your date of birth?"

Stupid Customer - "Um....um...ah....no, no sorry I don't give that out over the phone"

*I do get people say this every now and then so I am not yet compeltely suspicious*

Me - "Okay ma'am, no problem, I can use other security questions. Now just to get to those, I will just need to open up the whole policy. For that I will need to please confirm the address that we currently have on file for you"

Stupid Customer - "That's one of the things I'm calling to update"

Me - "Yes ma'am, that's fine, I just need to confirm what the old one is, the one we would currently have on file for you, so I can bring up the rest of the policy and go from there"

Stupid Customer - "Ummmm....um, yeah, ummm I don't remember what it was. It was from ages ago. I just want to change alll the information on this policy okay, just change it all"

Me - 'Okay ma'am. The home telephone number we have at present and the mobile?"

Stupid Customer - 'No they're old too, I need to update all those as well"

Me - "I understand ma'am, but in order to update any policy detail here I will need to verify the information it is that we are replacing"

Stupid Customer - "Okay well yeah, it's all old and I don't remember any of it ok. I just need to change it all"

Me - "Okay ma'am. Well, can you please provide the last 4 digits of the credit card that is currently being used to pay the account?"

Stupid Customer - "Um, no, that's ones, um, closed. It's old. I don't know what it is. I don't have a credit card. "

*NOTE - the card has successfully being debting for a long time. No knock backs. If a card account hasbeen closed, we get a knock back with an error message stating 'account closed - refer to customer"

Me - "Okay ma'am, well the only other thing I can really use for ID here is for you to provide me with the last claim that you made on the policy"

*NOTE - there was a dental claim made just 5 days earlier by the member on this policy*

Stupid Customer - "Um, nar, nar I haven't claimed in, like, ages"

Me - "Okay ma'am, well I'm sorry but since I've been unable to identify you as the policy holder I wont be able to proceed today. To update any details you will be required to go to one of our branches and present photo ID. our branches will be open from next week Monday onwards"

Stupid Customer - "God, I just wanna change all the contact information that's all!" ...*CLICK*

NOTE - I also do the email correspondance for work here and literally 3 minutes later, this email came through:

"Hi, my membership number is *number* and my name is *name*. I need to update my details *lists the new contact and payment details*. I need this done today, if it's not done ASAP I will cancel my account here"

My reply:
"Hi, As just advised, since you were unable to satisfy a single one of the security measures used to identify you as the holder of this policy, you will be required to attend one of our branchs with Photo ID, and a representative can assist you form there once you have been satisfactorily identified.
Your efforts to change the details on this policy have been noted.

Kind regards"


*cough* - dodgy! - *cough*