Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH hi lovveeeee, I gosh a pol-ceeeee with youse and I just callin' coz ish due for payingssssss"

Me - "Okay sir, sure, I can transfer you to the payment line if you like, but may I suggest calling back at a time when you are perhaps not under the influence of so much...Christmas cheer? I'd just not want for you to make an error with the payment?"

Stupid Customer - "NOOOO lovvvvvvely lady, nooooo, I gosh it all under control my lushley lovely!"

Me - "I really feel like I shoudl insist sir...our payment line is open 24/7, even just a few hours and you should be right..."

Stupid Customer - "Heyyyyyy NOOOOO bisch! BISCH, fug yoo bischhhhhh! Put me onto the maonies peeeeeples, bisch!"

Me - "Okay sir, one moment"


I have to say this call had a happy ending. For me anyway.
I checked his policy - $48 was due.
He keyed $480 into the phone.
Thanks for that Christmas bonus there you dumb drunkard. I tried to warn ya...

[For those of you playing at home, he will indeed be entitled to a refund, so fear not. But given all the upcoming public holidays and what not, he wont see that cashola for probably about 2 weeks now......]