Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Ummmmm, yeah....so I, like, need to update, like, my thing..."

Me - "Okay sir...what thing was it that you needed to update today"

Stupid Customer, sounding annoyed - "You know, the thing! Ugh!"

Me - "I'm sorry sir, no, I don't know which thing it is you're referring to. Did you need to update contact details? Change your policy? I need some direction if I'm going to be able to assist you sir..."

Stupid Customer - "Oh my god! The thing! You know....ummmmm....like, the f*cking thing, like der!"

Me - "I'm sorry sir, I have no idea what you're talking about"

Stupid Customer, muttering - "Yeah, that's 'cause you're a f*cking dumb b*tch"

Me - "Yeah, no-one can update something for you sir if you aren't able to convey what it is you want updated. Did you want to go and sort yourself out and then perhaps call us back when you know what it is you need from us today?"

Stupid Customer - "No.....I'm not hanging up until, like, you update....um, my thing...[again muttering] you dumb b*tch..."

Me - "Okay, well I'm sorry sir but as mentioned, I need specific information, without that I cannot assist you, and I have other calls waiting to come through..."

Stupid Customer - "No! I'm, like, not hanging up! You can't just hang up on a customer just 'cause they be, like, showing you up and all! That's, like, not professional services to be having! Yeah!"

Me - "So to clarfiy sir, you're saying you will not hang up the line?"

Stupid Customer - "Yeah! I'm, like, not hanging up till you fix my sh*t!"

Me - "Okay, one moment please sir"


I transferred his call to an empty desk where it just sat there.
He had called in himself, from a mobile/cell phone.
Last we checked, he had been sitting there for about 35 minutes, before the line finally dropped out.
I can only assume his phone finally ran out of credit. Which was the aim. Fist pumps all round, yo