Right. So amid all of my recent training, I have managed to clock up just a few hours on the phones. Of course, that was more than enough time to get to experience the assclownery of the general public....

[PS. Today is Christmas Day. I am working. On the phones. All goddamn day. And today alone I have already have quite a number of post-worthy calls]

Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"

Stupid Customer - "Hi, yeh I took out a policy with you guys the other day and I still havent received anything for it, like no letters, no cards, nothing. I gotta tell you, it's pretty unprofessional and it's making me think I need to cancel already"

Me - "Hmmm, usually our welcome packs are sent out the same day an application is put through the system, lets take a look for you ma'am. may i please start with your name and date of birth?"

*I do a name search - no match. I even try variations, like just name, just date of birth, just surname - nothing at all*

Me - "Thanks for waiting there ma'am. Now, I've done a full search here and I can't actually locate your name anywhere..."

*interrupts me*

Stupid Customer - "Oh great, just great, I knew it was a mistake to sign up with you people, now you can't even find my policy! This is a joke! You better give ma refund and I want it RIGHT NOW you hear me?! This is just ridiculous! How incompetent ARE you people?!"

Me - "I'm sorry you feel that way ma'am, this is all very unusual, I'm not sure why your details aren't showing on our system. Did you sign up at a branch, over the phone or via the website?"

Stupid Customer - "At the branch! I went to your branch on *lists a street on which we do NOT have a branch* and joined up on the spot! Now where's my bloody policy!"

Me - "Er...I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't actually have a branch at that location?"

Stupid Customer - "Are you stupid!? Do I need to ask for a manager here? I walked into *lists the name of a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT health fund* on *their location* and joined over the counter!"

Me - "Uh-huh. Okay well the problem here ma'am is that that is not our health fund. You joined up with a different health fund, you will need to contact them to enquire about the whereabouts of your policy"

Stupid Customer - "Oh don't try and fob me off, I know how it works! You're all the same big company, it doesn't matter which fund I call, you're all on the same system, now where the bloody hell is my policy!"

Me - "I'm sorry ma'am but we are completely seperate companies. We have no links and certainly do not have access to each other's systems. I;m sorry but the best way I can think to explain the situation is if you walked into KFC and asked them to follow up on your burger order from McDonalds..."

Stupid Customer - "NO, you're all the same company, you're all health insurance, you're just a scammer whose taken my money and now you're trying to fob me off, I'll be sure that the media here about this!" ... *CLICK*

Ah-huh. I hope she does go to the media so they can laugh her stupid ass all the way out the door.