Ok. So I am absolutely aware that health insurance is complicated and can be difficult to understand. If you have upcoming surgery and are a little confused as to what you can claim, how you go about claiming - no dramas! I am more than happy to sit here and talk you through it, even if it takes me all day. Really. I don't mind.

But here is what NOT to do if you need my help with this. This will guarantee that you pi*s me off reaaaaal quick, and that willingness to help you will dissapear real fast...

Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi, I'm getting my leg operated on next week and I wanna know what's covered"

Me - "Sure, I can help you with that :). May I please get your membership number to start with?"

Stupid Customer - "Don't have it"

Me - "Ok, no problems, may I please get your name and..."

*interupts me*

Stupid Customer - "Brian"

Me - "Okay. And your surname and date of..."

*interupts me again*

Stupid Customer - "Davies"

Me - "Thanks. And your date of birth please Brian"

Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "01/04/1964!"

Me - "Thanks for that. Ok, I've got your policy here now. It looks like you have a few restrictions on your policy, so to work out what your cover for this surgery will be, could I please get the medical item numbers for the surgery from you and I'll run a check on the system?"

Stupid Customer - "What's an item number"

Me - "Oh. It's the number we use to idnetify the surgery you're getting done. If you don't recall it offhand, it would be listed on your admission papers, on really, any of the documents the hospital and DRs have given you"

Stupid Customers - "There's no item numbers. So what's my cover"

Me - "I'm sorry, but if there are no item numbers, then that is a not a service you can claim on. Every eligible surgery will have item numbers"

Stupid Customer - "The hospital told me I'll be covered"

Me - "Okay. Well if you are going into hospital for the surgery, then there will definetely be item numbers. That's ok, if you can't locate them right now, I can give do a search with the surgery description. What type of operation will you be getting done?"

Stupid Customer - "My leg"

Me - "Yes, but what exactly are you getting done to your leg?"

Stupid Customer - "An operation"

Me - *eye twitch* "Yes sir. What TYPE of operation?"

Stupid Customer - "Dunno. So what's my cover?"

Me - "Okay. It might be better if I call the hospital myself and just grab the item numbers from them. Which hospital were you going to for the operation?"

Stupid Customer - "Dunno"

Me - "You don't know which hospital you;re going to to get surgery done at?"

Stupid Customer - "Nuh"

Me - "Okay. Well, I'm really sorry sir, but without item numbers, the type of surgery, or even the hospital you're being admitted to, I wont be able to check anything for you today. If you could please pbtain even one piece of this information and call back, we can certainly assist you"

Stupid Customer - "So what, you're not gonna help me?!"

Me - "I want to help you, sir, but with no information to work with, I'm simply to"

Stupid Customer - "Thanks for nothing then ya dumb b*tch"

*CLICK*

Ah-huh.
I'M the one whose dumb.
Yep *whistles*