Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "I'm calling because I'm trying to log into my online account and your stupid systems locked me out! Says I tried the password too many times or some bullsh*t"
Me - "Okay ma'am, I'll just bring up your policy and have a look for you"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah you do that, your systems a piece of sh*t"
*I bring up her policy...lo and behold...*
Me - "Thanks for waiting ma'am. Okay, so I'm not quite sure what's happened on your end there but your online access is not actually blocked? It's not showing any attempts to login either? That's a bit unusual, I've just logged an IT ticket for you so they can look into this for you, in the meantime though if you wanted to try it again now it may work?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I just forgot my password and couldn't be bothered looking it up. That's your job. Look it up"
Me - "Oh. So the system didn't lock you out ma'am? Because, I mean, you said it did so I just logged a ticket for you..."
Stupid Customer - "Are you deaf? I just told you, no! I just couldn't be f*cked looking up my password, do your job and get it for me! God!"
Ah-huh.
F*ck you lady. I should have made sure she WAS locked out of her account [I didn't of course, but I wanted to]
If she had of just called and said she forgot her password, I would have been more than happy to just look it up for her, no biggie, we all forget things.
No idea why she felt the need to lie and act like a b*tch.
Monday, 14 November 2011
Sunday, 13 November 2011
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "How much do I get back on sunglasses?"
* I bring up his policy, ID him, go through the motions*
Me - "Okay sir, so you can claim back a maximum $350, but please bear in mind that you can only claim towards prescription sunglasses"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, they're not prescription but that's fine"
Me - "Oh, no I'm sorry sir, that's what I was just saying, you CAN'T claim on them if they are non-prescription. They must be prescription to be able to claim"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah I heard you, I know, but they aren't prescription but that doesn't matter, I'll claim them anyway"
Me - "I'm sorry sir but if you send in a claim like that it was be rejected"
Stupid Customer - "No it won't"
Me - "I'msorry sir, yes it will be"
Stupid Customer - "Well they're prescription then"
Me - "Okay. Well to claim on glasses sir, you have to include a copy of your prescription anyway. If they're prescription and the script is included, then you're fine to claim. If not, then the laim is rejected"
Stupid Customer - "Well who the f*ck are you? Why do you get to decide what I can and can't claim on?!"
Me - "It's not my decision sir, I'm simply relaying the fund rules to you so that know what to expect prior to lodging a claim"
Stupid Customer - "You're just being racist because I'm gay!"
Me - "Um...okay. I mean...okay, I do feel that I should point out that a person race and sexuality are two entirely separate things...neither of which would have anything to do with, well, anything...plus there would be no way of me being privvy to any such personal information anwyay sir, as I am merely talking to you over the phone"
Stupid Customer - "Whatever, you racist b*tch!"
Me - "Okay"
Stupid Customer - "I want a manager!"
Me - "Okay"
Stupid Customer - "Are you deaf?"
Me - "No sir"
Stupid Customer - "I want a manager!"
Me - "Yes sir. You stated that already. I'm afraid if you don't currently have a manager but you seek one, that is not something I can assist you with. I would suggest perhaps contacting your HR department about that?"
Stupid Customer - "Huh?"
Me - "Oh nothing sir [INSERT EVIL GRIN]. So you were asking to actually *speak* with a manager of mine, was it?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! I'm gonna tell them what a racist b*tch you are!"
Me - "Okay. I apologise but our managers do not take complaints that are based on personal opinion"
Stupid Customer - "It's not my opinion, you're being racist because I'm gay! If I wasn't gay then you'd let me claim on my sunnies!"
Me - "Okay sir. What I'll do is pass this through and have a manager listen to this call, and then call you back with some feedback. Is that ok with you?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, yeah get a manager to listen to this call adn then call me back and let me know what they think!"
Me - "Okay sir. I'll make sure that happens. Thanks for calling"
So, that was earlier today.
So far half the office has sat in to have a go at listening to that call. There's been plenty of feeback, but none of it is what I think he was quite hoping for ;)
Most customers, we are absolutely polite and professioanl with. As you would expect.
In instances like this, I'm sorry, but if you act like an a*s clown like this, then really, what else do you deserve?
Stupid Customer - "How much do I get back on sunglasses?"
* I bring up his policy, ID him, go through the motions*
Me - "Okay sir, so you can claim back a maximum $350, but please bear in mind that you can only claim towards prescription sunglasses"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, they're not prescription but that's fine"
Me - "Oh, no I'm sorry sir, that's what I was just saying, you CAN'T claim on them if they are non-prescription. They must be prescription to be able to claim"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah I heard you, I know, but they aren't prescription but that doesn't matter, I'll claim them anyway"
Me - "I'm sorry sir but if you send in a claim like that it was be rejected"
Stupid Customer - "No it won't"
Me - "I'msorry sir, yes it will be"
Stupid Customer - "Well they're prescription then"
Me - "Okay. Well to claim on glasses sir, you have to include a copy of your prescription anyway. If they're prescription and the script is included, then you're fine to claim. If not, then the laim is rejected"
Stupid Customer - "Well who the f*ck are you? Why do you get to decide what I can and can't claim on?!"
Me - "It's not my decision sir, I'm simply relaying the fund rules to you so that know what to expect prior to lodging a claim"
Stupid Customer - "You're just being racist because I'm gay!"
Me - "Um...okay. I mean...okay, I do feel that I should point out that a person race and sexuality are two entirely separate things...neither of which would have anything to do with, well, anything...plus there would be no way of me being privvy to any such personal information anwyay sir, as I am merely talking to you over the phone"
Stupid Customer - "Whatever, you racist b*tch!"
Me - "Okay"
Stupid Customer - "I want a manager!"
Me - "Okay"
Stupid Customer - "Are you deaf?"
Me - "No sir"
Stupid Customer - "I want a manager!"
Me - "Yes sir. You stated that already. I'm afraid if you don't currently have a manager but you seek one, that is not something I can assist you with. I would suggest perhaps contacting your HR department about that?"
Stupid Customer - "Huh?"
Me - "Oh nothing sir [INSERT EVIL GRIN]. So you were asking to actually *speak* with a manager of mine, was it?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! I'm gonna tell them what a racist b*tch you are!"
Me - "Okay. I apologise but our managers do not take complaints that are based on personal opinion"
Stupid Customer - "It's not my opinion, you're being racist because I'm gay! If I wasn't gay then you'd let me claim on my sunnies!"
Me - "Okay sir. What I'll do is pass this through and have a manager listen to this call, and then call you back with some feedback. Is that ok with you?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, yeah get a manager to listen to this call adn then call me back and let me know what they think!"
Me - "Okay sir. I'll make sure that happens. Thanks for calling"
So, that was earlier today.
So far half the office has sat in to have a go at listening to that call. There's been plenty of feeback, but none of it is what I think he was quite hoping for ;)
Most customers, we are absolutely polite and professioanl with. As you would expect.
In instances like this, I'm sorry, but if you act like an a*s clown like this, then really, what else do you deserve?
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, I got a letter from your company saying that you can't pay on my dentla claim until I send you the receipt for it"
Me - "Yes ma'am, that's right, we do require the receipt for a service before we can pay on it. Had you been calling to get the mailing address to send the receipt to? It's just the address on the letter itself?"
Stupid Customer - "No, I'm not calling to get the address. I know the address. I'm calling because I don't understand the letter"
Me - "Oh....oh okay. Well basically, as mentioned, it just means that for the fund to pay on a service, we have to receive from you the receipt for that service to verify that it took place, what the service was, how much it cost, you know, just the standard claim details"
Stupid Customer - "I've claimed with your company before, I'm not an idiot"
Me - "Oh okay, well, no-one was calling you an idiot ma'am. If you just forward that receitp to us then we can assess your claim for you"
Stupid Customer - "So what, you're not going to answer my question?"
Me - "Um...I'm sorry ma'am, I thought that I had. The letter is stating that you must send us the receipt for the dental visit that you tried to claim on, once we get that receipt, we can finish assessing your claim and then release the payment to you. As it states in the letter, if we do not receive the receipt then we cannot pay the claim"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, you've said that, but I'm asking you, what does that MEAN?"
Me - "I'm...really sorry ma'am. I'm not sure I quite understand what it is you're asking me then?"
Stuipd Customer - "*SIGH* ...well is there someone there who DOES know what they're talking about then?"
*It is late in the day and I am already over it...*
Me - "Sure ma'am, that's fine, just bear with me for one moment and I will get you a manager, ok?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I think that's best, I don't really want to be speaking to a trainee"
*My manager comes to the line, and this is what I hear...*
Manager - "Hi ma'am...okay...okay...well I was sitting right next to [me] and yes, I did hear what she told you, what she said was correct...mmmhmmm....mmmhmmm....okay....okay well I'm sorry you feel that way...mmmhmm...okay...no ma'am, I'm sorry, that won't be happening"
Manager to me - "That crazy lady just hung up on me after I told her we wouldn't fire you for explaining the letter to her. She also said the letter was misleading, that no-one n their right mind would know what we meant when we said she must send her receipt to us to be able to claim"
What I say, is who is she to be talking about people in their 'right mind', when she is clearly not....hmmmm....
Stupid Customer - "Yes, I got a letter from your company saying that you can't pay on my dentla claim until I send you the receipt for it"
Me - "Yes ma'am, that's right, we do require the receipt for a service before we can pay on it. Had you been calling to get the mailing address to send the receipt to? It's just the address on the letter itself?"
Stupid Customer - "No, I'm not calling to get the address. I know the address. I'm calling because I don't understand the letter"
Me - "Oh....oh okay. Well basically, as mentioned, it just means that for the fund to pay on a service, we have to receive from you the receipt for that service to verify that it took place, what the service was, how much it cost, you know, just the standard claim details"
Stupid Customer - "I've claimed with your company before, I'm not an idiot"
Me - "Oh okay, well, no-one was calling you an idiot ma'am. If you just forward that receitp to us then we can assess your claim for you"
Stupid Customer - "So what, you're not going to answer my question?"
Me - "Um...I'm sorry ma'am, I thought that I had. The letter is stating that you must send us the receipt for the dental visit that you tried to claim on, once we get that receipt, we can finish assessing your claim and then release the payment to you. As it states in the letter, if we do not receive the receipt then we cannot pay the claim"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, you've said that, but I'm asking you, what does that MEAN?"
Me - "I'm...really sorry ma'am. I'm not sure I quite understand what it is you're asking me then?"
Stuipd Customer - "*SIGH* ...well is there someone there who DOES know what they're talking about then?"
*It is late in the day and I am already over it...*
Me - "Sure ma'am, that's fine, just bear with me for one moment and I will get you a manager, ok?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I think that's best, I don't really want to be speaking to a trainee"
*My manager comes to the line, and this is what I hear...*
Manager - "Hi ma'am...okay...okay...well I was sitting right next to [me] and yes, I did hear what she told you, what she said was correct...mmmhmmm....mmmhmmm....okay....okay well I'm sorry you feel that way...mmmhmm...okay...no ma'am, I'm sorry, that won't be happening"
Manager to me - "That crazy lady just hung up on me after I told her we wouldn't fire you for explaining the letter to her. She also said the letter was misleading, that no-one n their right mind would know what we meant when we said she must send her receipt to us to be able to claim"
What I say, is who is she to be talking about people in their 'right mind', when she is clearly not....hmmmm....
Me
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "I dunno, CAN you help me?"
*stupid laughter by the customer*
Me, rolling my eyes - "What was your enquiry today sir?"
Stupid Customer - "You'd like to know that, WOULDN'T YOU"
*more dumb laughter*
Me - "Well I do need to know the nature of the call to be able to assist you today sir"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, you'd really like to ASSIST me, I'm sure"
*more LOLs*
Me - "Sure, so how can I help?"
Stupid Customer - "Well can you, CAN you?"
*he keeps laughing*
Me - "I'm sure I can sir, if you would like to advise the query you have?"
Stupid Customer - "Sure? Sure? Sea shore, sea shore, we all play, by the sea shore!"
*he just keeps on laughing like a 2-yr old moron*
Me - "Okay. Was there anything I can actually help you with today sir?"
Stupid Customer - "I dunno, IS there?"
*of course, he LOLs a bit more*
Me - "Well that's up to you sir"
Stupid Customer - "Nar, it's not up to me, isn't it up to you to help people?"
Me - "Well that is my job sir"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, it IS your job, isn't it"
*LOLs continue*
Me - "Yes, yes it is. It's also my job to filter calls sir, and I don't believe that this call is going anywhere. Thanks for calling...."
*he interrupts me, suddenly reverting to a normal, serious voice*
Stupid Customer - "Wait wait wait WAIT! No, I gotta ask about a payment on a claim!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, I'm required to end prank calls. Thanks for calling"
*CLICK*
Hehe. Somewhat evil of me, perhaps, given that he now has to wait on hold for another 15+ minutes to get back through.
However - waste my time and I will sure as hell waste yours.
Simple.
:D
Stupid Customer - "I dunno, CAN you help me?"
*stupid laughter by the customer*
Me, rolling my eyes - "What was your enquiry today sir?"
Stupid Customer - "You'd like to know that, WOULDN'T YOU"
*more dumb laughter*
Me - "Well I do need to know the nature of the call to be able to assist you today sir"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, you'd really like to ASSIST me, I'm sure"
*more LOLs*
Me - "Sure, so how can I help?"
Stupid Customer - "Well can you, CAN you?"
*he keeps laughing*
Me - "I'm sure I can sir, if you would like to advise the query you have?"
Stupid Customer - "Sure? Sure? Sea shore, sea shore, we all play, by the sea shore!"
*he just keeps on laughing like a 2-yr old moron*
Me - "Okay. Was there anything I can actually help you with today sir?"
Stupid Customer - "I dunno, IS there?"
*of course, he LOLs a bit more*
Me - "Well that's up to you sir"
Stupid Customer - "Nar, it's not up to me, isn't it up to you to help people?"
Me - "Well that is my job sir"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, it IS your job, isn't it"
*LOLs continue*
Me - "Yes, yes it is. It's also my job to filter calls sir, and I don't believe that this call is going anywhere. Thanks for calling...."
*he interrupts me, suddenly reverting to a normal, serious voice*
Stupid Customer - "Wait wait wait WAIT! No, I gotta ask about a payment on a claim!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, I'm required to end prank calls. Thanks for calling"
*CLICK*
Hehe. Somewhat evil of me, perhaps, given that he now has to wait on hold for another 15+ minutes to get back through.
However - waste my time and I will sure as hell waste yours.
Simple.
:D
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi, I'm just calling 'cause I got a claim to put it but I don't know how to claim?"
Me - "No worries sir, I can talk you through your options"
Stupid Customer - "What do you mean"
Me - "Oh...I just meant, I can tell you the different ways you can claim so that you can decide which method you want to use"
Stupid Customer - "I don't get it"
Me - "Uh....okay. So just to confirm sir, had you been wanting to know how you can make a claim with us?"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, yes that's why I called"
Me - "Okay, excellent. I'll talk you through your options"
Stupid Customer - "What do you mean....'options'?"
Me - "I just mean that you have several different ways that you can make a claim sir, and I'm going to explain each of them to you"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah. I want to know how to make a claim"
Me - "Right. So your first option sir, would be to come into one of our many branches with your receipt. Did you want me to see which branch is located closest to you?"
Stupid Customer - "No. I'm trying to find out how to make a claim"
Me - "Oh....kay sir. Well, if claiming in person isn't the way for you, that's okay, we have other methods. You can also mail us the receipt, I can give you the mailing address if you like?"
Stupid Customer - "No, I just want to know how to make a claim"
Me - "Yes sir, and I'm trying to let you know of the ways in which you can make a claim"
Stupid Customer - "Yes! Yes, I want to claim. Do you take VISA for payment to you?"
Me - "VISA sir? Well, I mean, if you're claiming something from the fund, we would essentially be giving you money, not the other way around"
Stupid Customer - "456294......."
*The customer starts reading out a credit card*
Me - "Sir, sir! I'm sorry to interject , but I don't understand why you're giving me your credit card number?"
Stupid Customer - "You sent me a letter saying I was 2 mnths behind on my credit card, so I'm paying you"
Me - "Um...sir, this is Health Insurance Inc"
Stupid Customer - "Right. You're the bank"
Me - "No sir, we're a health insurance company"
Stupid Customer - "456294......."
*He is once again reading me his credit card number*
Me - "Sir, I'm really sorry but I believe you have called the wrong number. This is a health insurance company. we are not the bank"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. I thought you were the bank"
Me - "No sir, sorry about that. Was there anything I could help with that did relate to a claim though, since you mentioned at the start you had wanted to know how to claim?"
Stupid Customer - "Huh? Oh, no, when I called in the recording told me that if you want to know how to claim, just ask one of the operators, so I thought I'd ask. I don't have health insurance"
Me - "Right. Okay. Well, you have a great day okay sir"
Yes.
Go and play in traffic.
FML.
Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi, I'm just calling 'cause I got a claim to put it but I don't know how to claim?"
Me - "No worries sir, I can talk you through your options"
Stupid Customer - "What do you mean"
Me - "Oh...I just meant, I can tell you the different ways you can claim so that you can decide which method you want to use"
Stupid Customer - "I don't get it"
Me - "Uh....okay. So just to confirm sir, had you been wanting to know how you can make a claim with us?"
Stupid Customer - "Yes, yes that's why I called"
Me - "Okay, excellent. I'll talk you through your options"
Stupid Customer - "What do you mean....'options'?"
Me - "I just mean that you have several different ways that you can make a claim sir, and I'm going to explain each of them to you"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah. I want to know how to make a claim"
Me - "Right. So your first option sir, would be to come into one of our many branches with your receipt. Did you want me to see which branch is located closest to you?"
Stupid Customer - "No. I'm trying to find out how to make a claim"
Me - "Oh....kay sir. Well, if claiming in person isn't the way for you, that's okay, we have other methods. You can also mail us the receipt, I can give you the mailing address if you like?"
Stupid Customer - "No, I just want to know how to make a claim"
Me - "Yes sir, and I'm trying to let you know of the ways in which you can make a claim"
Stupid Customer - "Yes! Yes, I want to claim. Do you take VISA for payment to you?"
Me - "VISA sir? Well, I mean, if you're claiming something from the fund, we would essentially be giving you money, not the other way around"
Stupid Customer - "456294......."
*The customer starts reading out a credit card*
Me - "Sir, sir! I'm sorry to interject , but I don't understand why you're giving me your credit card number?"
Stupid Customer - "You sent me a letter saying I was 2 mnths behind on my credit card, so I'm paying you"
Me - "Um...sir, this is Health Insurance Inc"
Stupid Customer - "Right. You're the bank"
Me - "No sir, we're a health insurance company"
Stupid Customer - "456294......."
*He is once again reading me his credit card number*
Me - "Sir, I'm really sorry but I believe you have called the wrong number. This is a health insurance company. we are not the bank"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. I thought you were the bank"
Me - "No sir, sorry about that. Was there anything I could help with that did relate to a claim though, since you mentioned at the start you had wanted to know how to claim?"
Stupid Customer - "Huh? Oh, no, when I called in the recording told me that if you want to know how to claim, just ask one of the operators, so I thought I'd ask. I don't have health insurance"
Me - "Right. Okay. Well, you have a great day okay sir"
Yes.
Go and play in traffic.
FML.
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, hi, I'm calling 'cause my mum died last night and she had a policy with you guys and there was a funeral benefit payment as part of it and so I'm just calling to see what I have to do to get the funeral benefit paid to me"
Me - "I'm very sorry for your loss. Bear with me for one moment and I'll take a look"
*I confirm the mother's policy and personal details with the daughter. All looks above board. She is already down as an authorised party on the account, so we are fine to proceed*
Me - "Hi there, thanks for waiting. OK so to get that benefit released to you we just need a few details...*
*She interrupts me*
Stupid Customer - "How much is it for?"
Me - "The amount is $5000, which should assist with any funeral costs incurred"
Stupid Customer, to someone in the background - "AWESOME! Oh yeah! Five grand, we gonna do some willlllld shopping, f*ck yeah!"
Me - "Er, ok. But yes, the amount is $5000. Now the first bit of information we need is the bank account the payment is to be released into"
Stupid Customer, again to person in the background - "Hey mum! Hey, she wants to know your bank account that you want it paid into"
*I'm not sure if I misheard her and, given the sensitivity of the situation, I'm hesitant to say straight up 'yo, didn't you just say yo' momma was dead fool?!'....so I try to play it smooooth*
Me - "Okay. Well ma'am, just while you're waiting on those details, I should mention that the most important piece of documentation we require before the funds can be released is a certified copy of the death certificate"
Stupid Customer - "Huh? Oh, yeah, nar, nar we didn't get one of those. Okay so I got the bank account, you ready??"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, I do need to stress that we do require a certified copy of the death certificate. I understand that they can take a bit of time to be made up and given to you, but we will require that before the funds can be released"
Stupid Customer - "Nar see they told us she didn't need one, so you gonna take the bank account down or what?"
Me - "I'm sorry maa'm, but everyone who passes away should have a death certificate printed up"
Stupid Customer - "Nar I already told you! She got hit by a car a week ago and they said she didn't need any death certificate!"
Me - "Ma'am, I do apologize but I believe you first told me your mother passed away last night?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, she had a heart attack and died last night"
Me - "But you just said she got hit by a car last week?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! She got hit by a car and then last night she had a heart attack from the shock"
Me - "................."
Stupid Customer - "................."
Me - "Okay. Well at this point I'm afraid I can only leave notes on her account stating that you call and what your comments were, but we won't be able to proceed any further until we have receivewd a certified copy of her birth certificate"
Stupid Customer - "Nar, that's bullsh*t! We wanna go shopping this weekend! It's her money, so she can withdraw it anytime she wants!"
*She yells to the person in the background again*
Stupid Customer - "Mum! Hey MUM! Yeah, the lady keeps saying she won't give us the money!"
*Suddenly, a different woman gets on the phone*
Stupid Customer #2 - "Yeah, hello? Yeah, listen, my name is Melissa McCarthy and you're being a real pain in the a*s right now, you got it? Why you makin' this so hard for my daughter, huh? We just need my funeral benefit paid and we want it paid right now!"
Me - "Ma'am....a funeral benefit is only released when someone passes away"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, exactly!"
*silence*
Me - "Uh....well...I mean....you're clearly still alive"
Stupid Customer - "Are you deaf? My daughter already told you I was hit by a truck last month!"
Me - "Ma'am your daughter first told me you passed away last night from a heart attack, then she said you got hit by a car last week. And now you're telling me that you were hit by a truck and died last month. You're telling me that. I do apologise but I need to document this conversation on your policy and end this conversation"
Stupid Customer - "But what about my money?! we wanna go shopppppiiiiing!"
Me - "Thanks for calling ma'am, you have a great day now"
*CLICK*
I wish I was making this sh*t up. I really do.
Goddamn.
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, hi, I'm calling 'cause my mum died last night and she had a policy with you guys and there was a funeral benefit payment as part of it and so I'm just calling to see what I have to do to get the funeral benefit paid to me"
Me - "I'm very sorry for your loss. Bear with me for one moment and I'll take a look"
*I confirm the mother's policy and personal details with the daughter. All looks above board. She is already down as an authorised party on the account, so we are fine to proceed*
Me - "Hi there, thanks for waiting. OK so to get that benefit released to you we just need a few details...*
*She interrupts me*
Stupid Customer - "How much is it for?"
Me - "The amount is $5000, which should assist with any funeral costs incurred"
Stupid Customer, to someone in the background - "AWESOME! Oh yeah! Five grand, we gonna do some willlllld shopping, f*ck yeah!"
Me - "Er, ok. But yes, the amount is $5000. Now the first bit of information we need is the bank account the payment is to be released into"
Stupid Customer, again to person in the background - "Hey mum! Hey, she wants to know your bank account that you want it paid into"
*I'm not sure if I misheard her and, given the sensitivity of the situation, I'm hesitant to say straight up 'yo, didn't you just say yo' momma was dead fool?!'....so I try to play it smooooth*
Me - "Okay. Well ma'am, just while you're waiting on those details, I should mention that the most important piece of documentation we require before the funds can be released is a certified copy of the death certificate"
Stupid Customer - "Huh? Oh, yeah, nar, nar we didn't get one of those. Okay so I got the bank account, you ready??"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, I do need to stress that we do require a certified copy of the death certificate. I understand that they can take a bit of time to be made up and given to you, but we will require that before the funds can be released"
Stupid Customer - "Nar see they told us she didn't need one, so you gonna take the bank account down or what?"
Me - "I'm sorry maa'm, but everyone who passes away should have a death certificate printed up"
Stupid Customer - "Nar I already told you! She got hit by a car a week ago and they said she didn't need any death certificate!"
Me - "Ma'am, I do apologize but I believe you first told me your mother passed away last night?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, she had a heart attack and died last night"
Me - "But you just said she got hit by a car last week?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! She got hit by a car and then last night she had a heart attack from the shock"
Me - "................."
Stupid Customer - "................."
Me - "Okay. Well at this point I'm afraid I can only leave notes on her account stating that you call and what your comments were, but we won't be able to proceed any further until we have receivewd a certified copy of her birth certificate"
Stupid Customer - "Nar, that's bullsh*t! We wanna go shopping this weekend! It's her money, so she can withdraw it anytime she wants!"
*She yells to the person in the background again*
Stupid Customer - "Mum! Hey MUM! Yeah, the lady keeps saying she won't give us the money!"
*Suddenly, a different woman gets on the phone*
Stupid Customer #2 - "Yeah, hello? Yeah, listen, my name is Melissa McCarthy and you're being a real pain in the a*s right now, you got it? Why you makin' this so hard for my daughter, huh? We just need my funeral benefit paid and we want it paid right now!"
Me - "Ma'am....a funeral benefit is only released when someone passes away"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, exactly!"
*silence*
Me - "Uh....well...I mean....you're clearly still alive"
Stupid Customer - "Are you deaf? My daughter already told you I was hit by a truck last month!"
Me - "Ma'am your daughter first told me you passed away last night from a heart attack, then she said you got hit by a car last week. And now you're telling me that you were hit by a truck and died last month. You're telling me that. I do apologise but I need to document this conversation on your policy and end this conversation"
Stupid Customer - "But what about my money?! we wanna go shopppppiiiiing!"
Me - "Thanks for calling ma'am, you have a great day now"
*CLICK*
I wish I was making this sh*t up. I really do.
Goddamn.
Saturday, 12 November 2011
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, is this Drakes Gardening?"
Me - "No sir, you've come through to Health Insurance Inc"
Stupid Customer - "Oh"
Me - "Yeah, sorry about that sir. You have a great day though"
Stupid Customer - "............."
Me - "................"
Stupid Customer - "............."
Me - "Er....hello?"
Stupid Customer - "Yes?"
Me - "Oh, whoops, I see you're still there sir. Well....sorry about that wrong number. I'll let you go so you can get onto the right line then?"
Stupid Customer - "So....this isn't Drake's Gardening then?:""
Me - "No sir. This is Health Insurance Inc. Completely different company"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. Okay. So, do you know if they're any good?"
Me - "I...wouldn't know sir?? We have no affiliation with that company and I can't say I've ever personally heard of them, so no, I really couldn't say. Sorry about that"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. Okay then"
*More awkward silence ensues...*
Me - "Er...hello? Sir? Um...was there anything else I could help you with today?"
Stupid Customer - "Um...yeah, I mean...I just really need to know if they're any good because I don't want to hire anyone who might ruin my garden"
Me -"Oh okay. Well, I mean, maybe you could do an internet search on them? Look for reviews and things like that? Again sir I really couldn't say, I don't know of them. Um...I'm really sorry sir but I have a few customers waiting to get through that I need to attend to...so I'm just going to hang up on my end now, okay?"
Stupid Customer - "NO!! Wait!"
Me - "Er...yes sir?"
Stupid Customer - "But...I mean...if they do a bad job, what do I do? Would I get a refund?"
Me - "Again sir I couldn't really say, I'm not familiar with that company?"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. Oh okay then. Okay well.....okay. Okay. That's okay. Okay"
*CLICK*
So....that was okay, right?
LOL
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, is this Drakes Gardening?"
Me - "No sir, you've come through to Health Insurance Inc"
Stupid Customer - "Oh"
Me - "Yeah, sorry about that sir. You have a great day though"
Stupid Customer - "............."
Me - "................"
Stupid Customer - "............."
Me - "Er....hello?"
Stupid Customer - "Yes?"
Me - "Oh, whoops, I see you're still there sir. Well....sorry about that wrong number. I'll let you go so you can get onto the right line then?"
Stupid Customer - "So....this isn't Drake's Gardening then?:""
Me - "No sir. This is Health Insurance Inc. Completely different company"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. Okay. So, do you know if they're any good?"
Me - "I...wouldn't know sir?? We have no affiliation with that company and I can't say I've ever personally heard of them, so no, I really couldn't say. Sorry about that"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. Okay then"
*More awkward silence ensues...*
Me - "Er...hello? Sir? Um...was there anything else I could help you with today?"
Stupid Customer - "Um...yeah, I mean...I just really need to know if they're any good because I don't want to hire anyone who might ruin my garden"
Me -"Oh okay. Well, I mean, maybe you could do an internet search on them? Look for reviews and things like that? Again sir I really couldn't say, I don't know of them. Um...I'm really sorry sir but I have a few customers waiting to get through that I need to attend to...so I'm just going to hang up on my end now, okay?"
Stupid Customer - "NO!! Wait!"
Me - "Er...yes sir?"
Stupid Customer - "But...I mean...if they do a bad job, what do I do? Would I get a refund?"
Me - "Again sir I couldn't really say, I'm not familiar with that company?"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. Oh okay then. Okay well.....okay. Okay. That's okay. Okay"
*CLICK*
So....that was okay, right?
LOL
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Right! Now you listen, I've had ENOUGH of your company! I want to cancel my policy right now, you hear me?!"
Me - "Okay ma'am, I'm sorry to hear that, lets see if we can't get this sorted out for you. What seems to be the prob..."
*interrupting me*
Stupid Customer - "No no no no NO! Look, I ain't wasting my breath going into it all again with you people, you're all useless and I ain't wasting my time! I want to cancel my policy, you hear me?"
Me - "Yes ma'am I hear you, however we may be able to rectify whatever has..."
*again talks over me*
Stupid Customer - "No! Look! I told you I'm not interested, right?! I just called to cancel! Or do I gotta spell it out for you, huh? C.A.N.C.E.L. Cancel! You got it? CANCEL!"
Me - "Yes ma'am, I got it, I'm only asking if you wished to discuss the matter first as cancelling your health insurance is a big move and from experience, there may very well be something we can do for...."
*yet again, she interrupts me*
Stupid Customer - "Look! You're clearly a complete idiot, so go get me someone with half a brain who can cancel my policy for me, or is that too hard for you as well?"
Me - "No that' fine ma'am. To cancel your policy you need to either send in a written request, or fill in the cancellation form via the website. Once the request has been received, your policy will be cancelled"
Stupid Customer - "Huh? What's all this then?"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "I said, what's all this? So, you get a dissatisfied customer, and first chance you get, you try and close their policy, is that it? Fob off the ones who stand up to you, huh?"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, I did offer to discuss your complaint with you but you refused, so I simply complied with your wishes and explained the steps required to cancel your policy"
Stupid Customer - "You did nothing of the sort! You made no attempt to retain me as a customer!"
Me - "Ma'am I did offer to discuss the matter with you, on several occasions, and each time you declined"
Stupid Customer - "No, you never once offered me any type of assistance, not once! You clearly do not care about your customers! As soon as a customer opens their mouth to complain, you cant show them the door quick enough! I have a good mind to take my business elsewhere, perhaps to a health fund that actually cares about their customers!"
Me - "Again ma'am, cancelling your health insurance is a big move. If you like I can discuss any grievances you currently have and talk you through your current policy and any other policy options available to you, just so that if you did make the decision to move elsewhere, you've exhausted all possible options with your current fund first?"
Stupid Customer - "No! I don't wanna talk about anything, I don't have time for that rubbish!"
Me - "If you don't have time now ma'am that's fine, if you like I can mail you a detailed product guide for you to read through in your own time?"
Stupid Customer - "What? No, I don't want any of that rubbish sent to me, I don't read any of the junk you idiots send me!"
Me - "Okay ma'am. Well we do of course value each of our customers, so while you're still here I would again like to ask if you wished to talk through the intial complaint you had, see if we can't get things sorted out for you?"
Stupid Customer - "What? No! No no no no NO! I already told you, I don't wanna talk to you people, about anything! I don't wanna talk to you, I don't want you sending me any of your junk mail, I don't want none of it! You got it? I just wanna cancel 'cause you people are idiots!"
Me - "Okay ma'am. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but the decision is of course yours to make. If you would like to either send through that written request or fill in the cancellation request via the website, we can get that finalised for you"
Stupid Customer - "What?! See! You people just don't care about your customers at ALL! Can't get rid of me quick enough! Well guess what, you don't wanna help me, then you can get f*cked!"
*CLICK*, as she then hung up
Yeah.
That's really one I'll be sorry to see cancel with us *eye roll*
Stupid Customer - "Right! Now you listen, I've had ENOUGH of your company! I want to cancel my policy right now, you hear me?!"
Me - "Okay ma'am, I'm sorry to hear that, lets see if we can't get this sorted out for you. What seems to be the prob..."
*interrupting me*
Stupid Customer - "No no no no NO! Look, I ain't wasting my breath going into it all again with you people, you're all useless and I ain't wasting my time! I want to cancel my policy, you hear me?"
Me - "Yes ma'am I hear you, however we may be able to rectify whatever has..."
*again talks over me*
Stupid Customer - "No! Look! I told you I'm not interested, right?! I just called to cancel! Or do I gotta spell it out for you, huh? C.A.N.C.E.L. Cancel! You got it? CANCEL!"
Me - "Yes ma'am, I got it, I'm only asking if you wished to discuss the matter first as cancelling your health insurance is a big move and from experience, there may very well be something we can do for...."
*yet again, she interrupts me*
Stupid Customer - "Look! You're clearly a complete idiot, so go get me someone with half a brain who can cancel my policy for me, or is that too hard for you as well?"
Me - "No that' fine ma'am. To cancel your policy you need to either send in a written request, or fill in the cancellation form via the website. Once the request has been received, your policy will be cancelled"
Stupid Customer - "Huh? What's all this then?"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "I said, what's all this? So, you get a dissatisfied customer, and first chance you get, you try and close their policy, is that it? Fob off the ones who stand up to you, huh?"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, I did offer to discuss your complaint with you but you refused, so I simply complied with your wishes and explained the steps required to cancel your policy"
Stupid Customer - "You did nothing of the sort! You made no attempt to retain me as a customer!"
Me - "Ma'am I did offer to discuss the matter with you, on several occasions, and each time you declined"
Stupid Customer - "No, you never once offered me any type of assistance, not once! You clearly do not care about your customers! As soon as a customer opens their mouth to complain, you cant show them the door quick enough! I have a good mind to take my business elsewhere, perhaps to a health fund that actually cares about their customers!"
Me - "Again ma'am, cancelling your health insurance is a big move. If you like I can discuss any grievances you currently have and talk you through your current policy and any other policy options available to you, just so that if you did make the decision to move elsewhere, you've exhausted all possible options with your current fund first?"
Stupid Customer - "No! I don't wanna talk about anything, I don't have time for that rubbish!"
Me - "If you don't have time now ma'am that's fine, if you like I can mail you a detailed product guide for you to read through in your own time?"
Stupid Customer - "What? No, I don't want any of that rubbish sent to me, I don't read any of the junk you idiots send me!"
Me - "Okay ma'am. Well we do of course value each of our customers, so while you're still here I would again like to ask if you wished to talk through the intial complaint you had, see if we can't get things sorted out for you?"
Stupid Customer - "What? No! No no no no NO! I already told you, I don't wanna talk to you people, about anything! I don't wanna talk to you, I don't want you sending me any of your junk mail, I don't want none of it! You got it? I just wanna cancel 'cause you people are idiots!"
Me - "Okay ma'am. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but the decision is of course yours to make. If you would like to either send through that written request or fill in the cancellation request via the website, we can get that finalised for you"
Stupid Customer - "What?! See! You people just don't care about your customers at ALL! Can't get rid of me quick enough! Well guess what, you don't wanna help me, then you can get f*cked!"
*CLICK*, as she then hung up
Yeah.
That's really one I'll be sorry to see cancel with us *eye roll*
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - - "Finally! Look, I've been trying to reach your [location that has nothing to do with our company] branch for over and hour and no-one is picking up! Can you put me through on a direct line?"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, this is Health Insurance Inc"
Stupid Customer - "So?"
Me - "Well, I'm afraid you've called the wrong number ma'am"
Stupid Customer - "Bullsh*t! You're just trying to fob me off so I don't get a chance to complain about your useless branch staff who would rather sit around all day gossiping than answer the phone when a customer tries to call in! Put me through now!"
Me - "Again I do apologise ma'am, but you have called Health Insurance Inc. We are in no way affiliated with [other random company]. You will need to re-dial but using the correct number"
Stupid Customer - "Get me your f*cking manager. NOW"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, my manager will not be able to assist you either given that you have called the wrong number"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, yeah you keep on trying to fob me off you little smarta*s. I tell you what, I'm going to ensure that you lose your job over this, you and those lazy branch staff of yours! GET ME A MANAGER! NOW!"
*Fine, whatever lady. This should be good. I go and grab a manager. This guy does not take sh*t from anyone...*
Manager - "Yes, hello? Yes, ma'am, you have already been advised that you have called a wrong number. Okay...okay....mmmmhmmm....okay well I'm sorry you feel that way, but no I will not take further action against an employee just because she advised you that you had dialled a wrong number....okay...mmmmhmmm...no ma'am, no I cannot 'punish' her for making you feel stupid, you did that all on your own ma'am....mmmhmmm...okay...no ma'am I cannot look up the correct number for the company you are after...well...well ma'am, I am not a walking phone book...ah-huh....mmmhmm...well yes ma'am, I could do an internet search for you if I wanted, but given that you have spent the last few minutes abusing and threatening me, I don't much feel inclined to go out of my way to assist you...ah-huh...okay....okay well you have a fabulous sunshine filled day ma'am"
Well...she asked for a manager :D
Stupid Customer - - "Finally! Look, I've been trying to reach your [location that has nothing to do with our company] branch for over and hour and no-one is picking up! Can you put me through on a direct line?"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, this is Health Insurance Inc"
Stupid Customer - "So?"
Me - "Well, I'm afraid you've called the wrong number ma'am"
Stupid Customer - "Bullsh*t! You're just trying to fob me off so I don't get a chance to complain about your useless branch staff who would rather sit around all day gossiping than answer the phone when a customer tries to call in! Put me through now!"
Me - "Again I do apologise ma'am, but you have called Health Insurance Inc. We are in no way affiliated with [other random company]. You will need to re-dial but using the correct number"
Stupid Customer - "Get me your f*cking manager. NOW"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, my manager will not be able to assist you either given that you have called the wrong number"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, yeah you keep on trying to fob me off you little smarta*s. I tell you what, I'm going to ensure that you lose your job over this, you and those lazy branch staff of yours! GET ME A MANAGER! NOW!"
*Fine, whatever lady. This should be good. I go and grab a manager. This guy does not take sh*t from anyone...*
Manager - "Yes, hello? Yes, ma'am, you have already been advised that you have called a wrong number. Okay...okay....mmmmhmmm....okay well I'm sorry you feel that way, but no I will not take further action against an employee just because she advised you that you had dialled a wrong number....okay...mmmmhmmm...no ma'am, no I cannot 'punish' her for making you feel stupid, you did that all on your own ma'am....mmmhmmm...okay...no ma'am I cannot look up the correct number for the company you are after...well...well ma'am, I am not a walking phone book...ah-huh....mmmhmm...well yes ma'am, I could do an internet search for you if I wanted, but given that you have spent the last few minutes abusing and threatening me, I don't much feel inclined to go out of my way to assist you...ah-huh...okay....okay well you have a fabulous sunshine filled day ma'am"
Well...she asked for a manager :D
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "I need to lodge a complaint"
Me - "Okay ma'am, what seems to be the problem?"
Stupid Customer - "I was told by your staff there a week ago that you had paid on my hospital claim and that the money should already be in my bank account, but now it's over a week later and there is nothing there! I want to know what's happened to my money, I want it paid into my account today!"
*I bring up her policy and have a look...*
Me - "Okay ma'am, yes, I can see you called 5 times last week and each time we told you the money had been released into your bank account on the 1st. It's now the 11th, so yes, that should have been in your bank account well over a week ago. So it is definately not in there?"
Stupid Customer - "No! I know what's happened, you people have f*cked it up and probably paid it to the wrong person! This kinda thing always happens, no offence but your company is getting more and more useless, and quite frankly I'm sick of it"
Me - "Okay ma'am. Well, I'm going to lodge a trace on this payment on our end. Firstly, when did you last check the bank account in question to see if the money was in there?"
Stupid Customer - "Huh? I haven't checked it at all"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, I don't think I understood you correctly. You were saying the money is not in your bank account, I just need the day or date that you last checked that bank account so we can log a search from there"
Stupid Customer - "*SIGH* Yeah, I just told you, I never checked my bank account!"
Me - "O...kay then. Can I just ask then ma'am, how you know then that the money isn't in there?"
Stupid Customer - "You people always stuff everything up so I just assumed you would stuff this up as well"
She ended up checking her account while I had her on the phone, and sure enough, the money had been sitting in her account since the 1st.
What a f*ckwit
Stupid Customer - "I need to lodge a complaint"
Me - "Okay ma'am, what seems to be the problem?"
Stupid Customer - "I was told by your staff there a week ago that you had paid on my hospital claim and that the money should already be in my bank account, but now it's over a week later and there is nothing there! I want to know what's happened to my money, I want it paid into my account today!"
*I bring up her policy and have a look...*
Me - "Okay ma'am, yes, I can see you called 5 times last week and each time we told you the money had been released into your bank account on the 1st. It's now the 11th, so yes, that should have been in your bank account well over a week ago. So it is definately not in there?"
Stupid Customer - "No! I know what's happened, you people have f*cked it up and probably paid it to the wrong person! This kinda thing always happens, no offence but your company is getting more and more useless, and quite frankly I'm sick of it"
Me - "Okay ma'am. Well, I'm going to lodge a trace on this payment on our end. Firstly, when did you last check the bank account in question to see if the money was in there?"
Stupid Customer - "Huh? I haven't checked it at all"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, I don't think I understood you correctly. You were saying the money is not in your bank account, I just need the day or date that you last checked that bank account so we can log a search from there"
Stupid Customer - "*SIGH* Yeah, I just told you, I never checked my bank account!"
Me - "O...kay then. Can I just ask then ma'am, how you know then that the money isn't in there?"
Stupid Customer - "You people always stuff everything up so I just assumed you would stuff this up as well"
She ended up checking her account while I had her on the phone, and sure enough, the money had been sitting in her account since the 1st.
What a f*ckwit
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