Ok, Im sorry, but I just got some sweet satasfaction out of this...
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "I need to update my credit card details for payment and also my address and phone numbers, so basically I just need to update everything in my policy, I want everything changed"
Me - "Certainly ma'am, I can help with that"
*I get off her the policy number and name of the primary member*
Me - "Okay, and just for security, may I please have your date of birth?"
Stupid Customer - "Um....um...ah....no, no sorry I don't give that out over the phone"
*I do get people say this every now and then so I am not yet compeltely suspicious*
Me - "Okay ma'am, no problem, I can use other security questions. Now just to get to those, I will just need to open up the whole policy. For that I will need to please confirm the address that we currently have on file for you"
Stupid Customer - "That's one of the things I'm calling to update"
Me - "Yes ma'am, that's fine, I just need to confirm what the old one is, the one we would currently have on file for you, so I can bring up the rest of the policy and go from there"
Stupid Customer - "Ummmm....um, yeah, ummm I don't remember what it was. It was from ages ago. I just want to change alll the information on this policy okay, just change it all"
Me - 'Okay ma'am. The home telephone number we have at present and the mobile?"
Stupid Customer - 'No they're old too, I need to update all those as well"
Me - "I understand ma'am, but in order to update any policy detail here I will need to verify the information it is that we are replacing"
Stupid Customer - "Okay well yeah, it's all old and I don't remember any of it ok. I just need to change it all"
Me - "Okay ma'am. Well, can you please provide the last 4 digits of the credit card that is currently being used to pay the account?"
Stupid Customer - "Um, no, that's ones, um, closed. It's old. I don't know what it is. I don't have a credit card. "
*NOTE - the card has successfully being debting for a long time. No knock backs. If a card account hasbeen closed, we get a knock back with an error message stating 'account closed - refer to customer"
Me - "Okay ma'am, well the only other thing I can really use for ID here is for you to provide me with the last claim that you made on the policy"
*NOTE - there was a dental claim made just 5 days earlier by the member on this policy*
Stupid Customer - "Um, nar, nar I haven't claimed in, like, ages"
Me - "Okay ma'am, well I'm sorry but since I've been unable to identify you as the policy holder I wont be able to proceed today. To update any details you will be required to go to one of our branches and present photo ID. our branches will be open from next week Monday onwards"
Stupid Customer - "God, I just wanna change all the contact information that's all!" ...*CLICK*
NOTE - I also do the email correspondance for work here and literally 3 minutes later, this email came through:
"Hi, my membership number is *number* and my name is *name*. I need to update my details *lists the new contact and payment details*. I need this done today, if it's not done ASAP I will cancel my account here"
My reply:
"Hi, As just advised, since you were unable to satisfy a single one of the security measures used to identify you as the holder of this policy, you will be required to attend one of our branchs with Photo ID, and a representative can assist you form there once you have been satisfactorily identified.
Your efforts to change the details on this policy have been noted.
Kind regards"
*cough* - dodgy! - *cough*
Friday 30 December 2011
This is like working Christmas Day all over again [I am lucky enough to be working NYE too...yay, go me]
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Hi, I was just calling in to check how much limit I got left for glasses and physio if I could please?"
Me - "Certainly sir, may I please have your membership numbr so i can brig up your details?"
Stupid Customer - "Yep, it's....hang on, wait. WAIT. Um. Excuse me? Hello?"
Me - "...yes sir?"
Stupid Customer - "What day is it?"
Me - "It's Saturday sir, Saturday the 31st?"
Stupid Customer - "Right. So it's New Years Eve. Am I correct? It's New Years Eve?"
Me - "Yes sir, that is correct"
Stupid Customer - "I will not do business with a company that operates on New Years Eve, I'll be cancelling!" ... *CLICK*
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Hi, I was just calling in to check how much limit I got left for glasses and physio if I could please?"
Me - "Certainly sir, may I please have your membership numbr so i can brig up your details?"
Stupid Customer - "Yep, it's....hang on, wait. WAIT. Um. Excuse me? Hello?"
Me - "...yes sir?"
Stupid Customer - "What day is it?"
Me - "It's Saturday sir, Saturday the 31st?"
Stupid Customer - "Right. So it's New Years Eve. Am I correct? It's New Years Eve?"
Me - "Yes sir, that is correct"
Stupid Customer - "I will not do business with a company that operates on New Years Eve, I'll be cancelling!" ... *CLICK*
Saturday 24 December 2011
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH hi lovveeeee, I gosh a pol-ceeeee with youse and I just callin' coz ish due for payingssssss"
Me - "Okay sir, sure, I can transfer you to the payment line if you like, but may I suggest calling back at a time when you are perhaps not under the influence of so much...Christmas cheer? I'd just not want for you to make an error with the payment?"
Stupid Customer - "NOOOO lovvvvvvely lady, nooooo, I gosh it all under control my lushley lovely!"
Me - "I really feel like I shoudl insist sir...our payment line is open 24/7, even just a few hours and you should be right..."
Stupid Customer - "Heyyyyyy NOOOOO bisch! BISCH, fug yoo bischhhhhh! Put me onto the maonies peeeeeples, bisch!"
Me - "Okay sir, one moment"
I have to say this call had a happy ending. For me anyway.
I checked his policy - $48 was due.
He keyed $480 into the phone.
Thanks for that Christmas bonus there you dumb drunkard. I tried to warn ya...
[For those of you playing at home, he will indeed be entitled to a refund, so fear not. But given all the upcoming public holidays and what not, he wont see that cashola for probably about 2 weeks now......]
Stupid Customer - "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH hi lovveeeee, I gosh a pol-ceeeee with youse and I just callin' coz ish due for payingssssss"
Me - "Okay sir, sure, I can transfer you to the payment line if you like, but may I suggest calling back at a time when you are perhaps not under the influence of so much...Christmas cheer? I'd just not want for you to make an error with the payment?"
Stupid Customer - "NOOOO lovvvvvvely lady, nooooo, I gosh it all under control my lushley lovely!"
Me - "I really feel like I shoudl insist sir...our payment line is open 24/7, even just a few hours and you should be right..."
Stupid Customer - "Heyyyyyy NOOOOO bisch! BISCH, fug yoo bischhhhhh! Put me onto the maonies peeeeeples, bisch!"
Me - "Okay sir, one moment"
I have to say this call had a happy ending. For me anyway.
I checked his policy - $48 was due.
He keyed $480 into the phone.
Thanks for that Christmas bonus there you dumb drunkard. I tried to warn ya...
[For those of you playing at home, he will indeed be entitled to a refund, so fear not. But given all the upcoming public holidays and what not, he wont see that cashola for probably about 2 weeks now......]
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "I sent in an email 2 days ago and I'm calling to follow up on that"
*I get his details - I recognise the name. He was asking how mcuh he had left to claim on his optical for this year. I had replied to the email within about 30 minutes of receiving it*
Me - "Okay, here we go. Okay so it was actual myself who got that email a few dyas ago, I replied that you had $200 remaining. Did you have an enquiry about that remaining balance sir?"
Stupid Customer - "No, I've had to call in because you never bothered to get back to me, which is prtty poor service if you ask me"
Me - "I'm...sorry sir....as mentioned, I did actually reply to that email, I have my reply sitting in my sent messages box, I'm not sure why you didn't get it? I just replied to the address the email came from?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah that's the right one but I disn't get it. I haven't logged onto my email for a few days, I've been busy"
Me - "...okay...well, I mean...so I did reply but you just haven't checked your inbox at all?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah I guess, whatever, so how much I got left?"
Me - $200 sir"
Stupid Customer - "Right, thanks"
Me - "Thanks, BYE"...*CLICK*
GRRRR.
This kinda thing actually happened every now and then, people will send an email, call in all angry that they 'didnt get a reply', only to confess 30 seconds later that they didn't even CHECK their emails before calling.
Yeah. Those kinda idiots can go play in traffic, dumb f*cks....
Stupid Customer - "I sent in an email 2 days ago and I'm calling to follow up on that"
*I get his details - I recognise the name. He was asking how mcuh he had left to claim on his optical for this year. I had replied to the email within about 30 minutes of receiving it*
Me - "Okay, here we go. Okay so it was actual myself who got that email a few dyas ago, I replied that you had $200 remaining. Did you have an enquiry about that remaining balance sir?"
Stupid Customer - "No, I've had to call in because you never bothered to get back to me, which is prtty poor service if you ask me"
Me - "I'm...sorry sir....as mentioned, I did actually reply to that email, I have my reply sitting in my sent messages box, I'm not sure why you didn't get it? I just replied to the address the email came from?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah that's the right one but I disn't get it. I haven't logged onto my email for a few days, I've been busy"
Me - "...okay...well, I mean...so I did reply but you just haven't checked your inbox at all?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah I guess, whatever, so how much I got left?"
Me - $200 sir"
Stupid Customer - "Right, thanks"
Me - "Thanks, BYE"...*CLICK*
GRRRR.
This kinda thing actually happened every now and then, people will send an email, call in all angry that they 'didnt get a reply', only to confess 30 seconds later that they didn't even CHECK their emails before calling.
Yeah. Those kinda idiots can go play in traffic, dumb f*cks....
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, hi. So I was just calling 'cause my think wont work"
Me - "Okay, I'll just bring up your details to start with if I can"
*I bring up his policy...nothing looks to be out of the ordinary*
Me - "Okay, thanks for that sir, I've got your policy here on my screen. How could I help today, you were saying something wasn't working?"
Stupid Customer - "Um yeah, yeah the thing is just, like, not going in all the way and I like tried to get it in but then it almost snapped and so I was worried I would break it off so then I stopped"
Me, trying oh-so-hard to get the many dick jokes now swirling in my mind out of my head - "Okay sir. Well, you've called through to Health Insurance Inc, was this is a policy issue? I'll just need you to be a bit more specific if you can please sir..."
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, like, I got it from you and then when i try and put in inwards then it almost snaps but it wont go in , I don't wanna break it"
Me - "Okay, and what is it specifically that you are referring to?"
Stupid Customer - "*SIGH* my glasses! The arm on my glasses wont bend all the way in and every time I try and push it hard it almost breaks off!"
Me - "Okay sir, okay, it's the glasses we're talking about, okay... well I can see that those glasses we're bought from *local optometrist*, if they are in any way faulty or require repair you'll just need to take them back to the store you bought them from and they should be fine to assist you from there"
Stupid Customer - "What? NO! I bought them from you guys, you guys have to help me!"
Me - "No sir, you claimed a reabte on them through the health fund but you actually purchased the glasses themselves at that optical store"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, like I got them from that store but you people paid money towards them so it's your fault if they're broken!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, we simply contribute your eligible rebate but beyodn that we are in no involved in the actual purchase or follow-up stages on the transaction. You will need to take the glasses back to the store to enquire about a repair"
Stupid Customer - "But that place is like 15 minutes away! God, you guys are , like, really useless, you know that?"... *CLICK*
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, hi. So I was just calling 'cause my think wont work"
Me - "Okay, I'll just bring up your details to start with if I can"
*I bring up his policy...nothing looks to be out of the ordinary*
Me - "Okay, thanks for that sir, I've got your policy here on my screen. How could I help today, you were saying something wasn't working?"
Stupid Customer - "Um yeah, yeah the thing is just, like, not going in all the way and I like tried to get it in but then it almost snapped and so I was worried I would break it off so then I stopped"
Me, trying oh-so-hard to get the many dick jokes now swirling in my mind out of my head - "Okay sir. Well, you've called through to Health Insurance Inc, was this is a policy issue? I'll just need you to be a bit more specific if you can please sir..."
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, like, I got it from you and then when i try and put in inwards then it almost snaps but it wont go in , I don't wanna break it"
Me - "Okay, and what is it specifically that you are referring to?"
Stupid Customer - "*SIGH* my glasses! The arm on my glasses wont bend all the way in and every time I try and push it hard it almost breaks off!"
Me - "Okay sir, okay, it's the glasses we're talking about, okay... well I can see that those glasses we're bought from *local optometrist*, if they are in any way faulty or require repair you'll just need to take them back to the store you bought them from and they should be fine to assist you from there"
Stupid Customer - "What? NO! I bought them from you guys, you guys have to help me!"
Me - "No sir, you claimed a reabte on them through the health fund but you actually purchased the glasses themselves at that optical store"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, like I got them from that store but you people paid money towards them so it's your fault if they're broken!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, we simply contribute your eligible rebate but beyodn that we are in no involved in the actual purchase or follow-up stages on the transaction. You will need to take the glasses back to the store to enquire about a repair"
Stupid Customer - "But that place is like 15 minutes away! God, you guys are , like, really useless, you know that?"... *CLICK*
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Hi, how are you, Merry Christmas to you ma'am!"
Me - "Hi there, I'm going quite well thanks, and Merry Christmas to yourself too, I hope you're having a pleasant say so far"
Stupid Customer - "Excuse me?!"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "What did you say?"
Me - "Erm, I was just saying...."
*interrupts me*
Stupid Customer - "You widshed me Merry Christmas!"
Me - "Oh! Well, yes, yes I did, you wished me Merry Christmas and thus I was returning the festive sentiment. How could I help you today?"
Stupid Customer - "Um, NO. Hold up there, right? How do you know I celebrate Christmas? That was VERY presumptious of you, I find this all highly offensive. What if I don't celebrate Christmas? You've just offended me!"
Me - "I do apologise ma'am. As mentioned, I was merely returning the Merry Christmas you had given to myself, I'm sorry if I've caused any offence. Was there a policy I could help you with today?"
Stupid Customer - "No, no I don't think so, I'm sickened by this call, this call is ending now"
Me - "okay ma'am, well thank you for calling in today"
Stupid Customer - "Um...hello?!"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "You didn't tell me to enjoy the rest of my Christmas Day and then wish me a Happy New Year!"
Me - "Once bitten twice shy, ma'am"
Stupid Customer, muttering - "Such terrible service..."...*CLICK*
Stupid Customer - "Hi, how are you, Merry Christmas to you ma'am!"
Me - "Hi there, I'm going quite well thanks, and Merry Christmas to yourself too, I hope you're having a pleasant say so far"
Stupid Customer - "Excuse me?!"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "What did you say?"
Me - "Erm, I was just saying...."
*interrupts me*
Stupid Customer - "You widshed me Merry Christmas!"
Me - "Oh! Well, yes, yes I did, you wished me Merry Christmas and thus I was returning the festive sentiment. How could I help you today?"
Stupid Customer - "Um, NO. Hold up there, right? How do you know I celebrate Christmas? That was VERY presumptious of you, I find this all highly offensive. What if I don't celebrate Christmas? You've just offended me!"
Me - "I do apologise ma'am. As mentioned, I was merely returning the Merry Christmas you had given to myself, I'm sorry if I've caused any offence. Was there a policy I could help you with today?"
Stupid Customer - "No, no I don't think so, I'm sickened by this call, this call is ending now"
Me - "okay ma'am, well thank you for calling in today"
Stupid Customer - "Um...hello?!"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "You didn't tell me to enjoy the rest of my Christmas Day and then wish me a Happy New Year!"
Me - "Once bitten twice shy, ma'am"
Stupid Customer, muttering - "Such terrible service..."...*CLICK*
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "*gasp* - are you a real person?"
Me - "Yes ma'am, indeed I am, how could I help you today?"
Stupid Customer - "It's Christmas Day"
Me - "Yes it is, Merry Christmas Ma'am. How could I help you?"
Stupid Customer, to person in the background - "Hey hon, you gotta listen to this! They've got one of those robot voice things and she sounds so real!"
Me - "That's because I AM a real person ma'am. I'm here working on Christmas Day. How could I help you today?"
Stupid Customer, again to person in the background - "Oh my god! Hon, hon! It's, like, voice activated and all! Quick, come here and say something! She responds like a real person, this is awesome!"
Me - "Ma'am, is there anything I can actually help you with today?"
Male gets on the phone - "Hello? Hello? Yo, motherf*cker, how you be rollin, b*tch. Hahahahahaha"
Me - "Yeah, hi sir, I'm an actual real person, we do have staff on today. Is there anything I can help you two with, otherwise I'm afraid I do have other calls to attend to"
Male - "Yo, this robot be givin' attitude! Motherf*cker!"
Me - *CLICK*
I know I know, I should have TOTALLY messed them with and pretended I WAS actually a robot.....
Stupid Customer - "*gasp* - are you a real person?"
Me - "Yes ma'am, indeed I am, how could I help you today?"
Stupid Customer - "It's Christmas Day"
Me - "Yes it is, Merry Christmas Ma'am. How could I help you?"
Stupid Customer, to person in the background - "Hey hon, you gotta listen to this! They've got one of those robot voice things and she sounds so real!"
Me - "That's because I AM a real person ma'am. I'm here working on Christmas Day. How could I help you today?"
Stupid Customer, again to person in the background - "Oh my god! Hon, hon! It's, like, voice activated and all! Quick, come here and say something! She responds like a real person, this is awesome!"
Me - "Ma'am, is there anything I can actually help you with today?"
Male gets on the phone - "Hello? Hello? Yo, motherf*cker, how you be rollin, b*tch. Hahahahahaha"
Me - "Yeah, hi sir, I'm an actual real person, we do have staff on today. Is there anything I can help you two with, otherwise I'm afraid I do have other calls to attend to"
Male - "Yo, this robot be givin' attitude! Motherf*cker!"
Me - *CLICK*
I know I know, I should have TOTALLY messed them with and pretended I WAS actually a robot.....
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Oh my GOD!"
Me - "........"
Stupid Customer - "Why are you working on Christmas Day? That's blasphemy!"
Me - "We're open 365 days a year sir"
Stupid Customer - "I just can't believe this! You're supposed to be at home praying on Christmas Day, not working! From the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep, you should be praying! Just praying! I have a right mind to cancel my insurance with you people over this! I am disgusted and insulted!"
Me - "Okay sir, well I can pass through your concerns if you like. In the meantime, seeing as it was you who called me, how could I help you today?"
Stupid Customer - "I need to to look up all the remaining dental benefits on my policy. Today's the one day I've got off in a while so I'm using it to catch up on all my outstanding work"
Me - "......."
Stupid Customer - "Oh my GOD!"
Me - "........"
Stupid Customer - "Why are you working on Christmas Day? That's blasphemy!"
Me - "We're open 365 days a year sir"
Stupid Customer - "I just can't believe this! You're supposed to be at home praying on Christmas Day, not working! From the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep, you should be praying! Just praying! I have a right mind to cancel my insurance with you people over this! I am disgusted and insulted!"
Me - "Okay sir, well I can pass through your concerns if you like. In the meantime, seeing as it was you who called me, how could I help you today?"
Stupid Customer - "I need to to look up all the remaining dental benefits on my policy. Today's the one day I've got off in a while so I'm using it to catch up on all my outstanding work"
Me - "......."
Right. So amid all of my recent training, I have managed to clock up just a few hours on the phones. Of course, that was more than enough time to get to experience the assclownery of the general public....
[PS. Today is Christmas Day. I am working. On the phones. All goddamn day. And today alone I have already have quite a number of post-worthy calls]
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Hi, yeh I took out a policy with you guys the other day and I still havent received anything for it, like no letters, no cards, nothing. I gotta tell you, it's pretty unprofessional and it's making me think I need to cancel already"
Me - "Hmmm, usually our welcome packs are sent out the same day an application is put through the system, lets take a look for you ma'am. may i please start with your name and date of birth?"
*I do a name search - no match. I even try variations, like just name, just date of birth, just surname - nothing at all*
Me - "Thanks for waiting there ma'am. Now, I've done a full search here and I can't actually locate your name anywhere..."
*interrupts me*
Stupid Customer - "Oh great, just great, I knew it was a mistake to sign up with you people, now you can't even find my policy! This is a joke! You better give ma refund and I want it RIGHT NOW you hear me?! This is just ridiculous! How incompetent ARE you people?!"
Me - "I'm sorry you feel that way ma'am, this is all very unusual, I'm not sure why your details aren't showing on our system. Did you sign up at a branch, over the phone or via the website?"
Stupid Customer - "At the branch! I went to your branch on *lists a street on which we do NOT have a branch* and joined up on the spot! Now where's my bloody policy!"
Me - "Er...I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't actually have a branch at that location?"
Stupid Customer - "Are you stupid!? Do I need to ask for a manager here? I walked into *lists the name of a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT health fund* on *their location* and joined over the counter!"
Me - "Uh-huh. Okay well the problem here ma'am is that that is not our health fund. You joined up with a different health fund, you will need to contact them to enquire about the whereabouts of your policy"
Stupid Customer - "Oh don't try and fob me off, I know how it works! You're all the same big company, it doesn't matter which fund I call, you're all on the same system, now where the bloody hell is my policy!"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am but we are completely seperate companies. We have no links and certainly do not have access to each other's systems. I;m sorry but the best way I can think to explain the situation is if you walked into KFC and asked them to follow up on your burger order from McDonalds..."
Stupid Customer - "NO, you're all the same company, you're all health insurance, you're just a scammer whose taken my money and now you're trying to fob me off, I'll be sure that the media here about this!" ... *CLICK*
Ah-huh. I hope she does go to the media so they can laugh her stupid ass all the way out the door.
[PS. Today is Christmas Day. I am working. On the phones. All goddamn day. And today alone I have already have quite a number of post-worthy calls]
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Hi, yeh I took out a policy with you guys the other day and I still havent received anything for it, like no letters, no cards, nothing. I gotta tell you, it's pretty unprofessional and it's making me think I need to cancel already"
Me - "Hmmm, usually our welcome packs are sent out the same day an application is put through the system, lets take a look for you ma'am. may i please start with your name and date of birth?"
*I do a name search - no match. I even try variations, like just name, just date of birth, just surname - nothing at all*
Me - "Thanks for waiting there ma'am. Now, I've done a full search here and I can't actually locate your name anywhere..."
*interrupts me*
Stupid Customer - "Oh great, just great, I knew it was a mistake to sign up with you people, now you can't even find my policy! This is a joke! You better give ma refund and I want it RIGHT NOW you hear me?! This is just ridiculous! How incompetent ARE you people?!"
Me - "I'm sorry you feel that way ma'am, this is all very unusual, I'm not sure why your details aren't showing on our system. Did you sign up at a branch, over the phone or via the website?"
Stupid Customer - "At the branch! I went to your branch on *lists a street on which we do NOT have a branch* and joined up on the spot! Now where's my bloody policy!"
Me - "Er...I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't actually have a branch at that location?"
Stupid Customer - "Are you stupid!? Do I need to ask for a manager here? I walked into *lists the name of a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT health fund* on *their location* and joined over the counter!"
Me - "Uh-huh. Okay well the problem here ma'am is that that is not our health fund. You joined up with a different health fund, you will need to contact them to enquire about the whereabouts of your policy"
Stupid Customer - "Oh don't try and fob me off, I know how it works! You're all the same big company, it doesn't matter which fund I call, you're all on the same system, now where the bloody hell is my policy!"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am but we are completely seperate companies. We have no links and certainly do not have access to each other's systems. I;m sorry but the best way I can think to explain the situation is if you walked into KFC and asked them to follow up on your burger order from McDonalds..."
Stupid Customer - "NO, you're all the same company, you're all health insurance, you're just a scammer whose taken my money and now you're trying to fob me off, I'll be sure that the media here about this!" ... *CLICK*
Ah-huh. I hope she does go to the media so they can laugh her stupid ass all the way out the door.
Saturday 10 December 2011
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Whys it not going through?"
Me - "Okay...sorry, just to clarify sir, why is what not going through? You've come through to Health Insurance Inc?"
Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "My CLAIM, why is my CLAIM not going through?"
Me - "Oh okay, so were you at the point of sale right now and your claim was being declined, is that correct?"
Stupid Customer - "Yes! God, what else would I be doing?"
Me - "Oh, well it could be a paper claim declined sir, or a branch claim, or an online claim..."
Stupid Customer - "Whatever. So why's it not going through?"
Me - "Could I please get your membership number and I'll look this up for you sir?"
*After much sighing and grumbling he finally gives me enough detail to allow me to login into account*
Me - "Okay sir, so I can see here that you are trying to claim on a massage treatment. Your policy only covers for dental, so it's not going through as you have no massage cover. You can add that cover if you like and it will accessible after a 2 mth waiting period"
Stupid Customer - "What! Okay, are you infront on your computer right now?"
Me - "Uh, yes sir?"
Stupid Customer - "Right, good. Now tell me, how long have I been a customer for?"
Me - "Just under 3 years sir"
Stupid Customer - "Right. And tell me, look it up, how much have I claimed during all that time?"
Me - "About $600 worth if dental treatment"
Stupid Customer - "Exactly. I hardly ever claim. SAnd now you're telling me you aren't going to pay for my massage?"
Me - "Well...yes sir. You can only claim towards services that you are actually paying for. Massage in not part of your dental cover, thus you cannot claim on that service"
Stupid Customer - "You just said it yourself, I've been a member for almost 3 years!"
Me - "Yes sir, and during that time you have only ever held dental cover. Your length of membership has no bearing no this"
Stupid Customer - "Look , I don't who you have to talk to or what you ahve to do, but I WILL be paid for my massage today!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, no you wont be able to claim on that service today"
Stupid Customer - "Well, I think I'll take my business elsewhere!"
Me - "Okay sir, would you like me to send you a cancellation form?"
Stupid Customer - .... *CLICK*
Stupid Customer - "Whys it not going through?"
Me - "Okay...sorry, just to clarify sir, why is what not going through? You've come through to Health Insurance Inc?"
Stupid Customer - *SIGH* "My CLAIM, why is my CLAIM not going through?"
Me - "Oh okay, so were you at the point of sale right now and your claim was being declined, is that correct?"
Stupid Customer - "Yes! God, what else would I be doing?"
Me - "Oh, well it could be a paper claim declined sir, or a branch claim, or an online claim..."
Stupid Customer - "Whatever. So why's it not going through?"
Me - "Could I please get your membership number and I'll look this up for you sir?"
*After much sighing and grumbling he finally gives me enough detail to allow me to login into account*
Me - "Okay sir, so I can see here that you are trying to claim on a massage treatment. Your policy only covers for dental, so it's not going through as you have no massage cover. You can add that cover if you like and it will accessible after a 2 mth waiting period"
Stupid Customer - "What! Okay, are you infront on your computer right now?"
Me - "Uh, yes sir?"
Stupid Customer - "Right, good. Now tell me, how long have I been a customer for?"
Me - "Just under 3 years sir"
Stupid Customer - "Right. And tell me, look it up, how much have I claimed during all that time?"
Me - "About $600 worth if dental treatment"
Stupid Customer - "Exactly. I hardly ever claim. SAnd now you're telling me you aren't going to pay for my massage?"
Me - "Well...yes sir. You can only claim towards services that you are actually paying for. Massage in not part of your dental cover, thus you cannot claim on that service"
Stupid Customer - "You just said it yourself, I've been a member for almost 3 years!"
Me - "Yes sir, and during that time you have only ever held dental cover. Your length of membership has no bearing no this"
Stupid Customer - "Look , I don't who you have to talk to or what you ahve to do, but I WILL be paid for my massage today!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, no you wont be able to claim on that service today"
Stupid Customer - "Well, I think I'll take my business elsewhere!"
Me - "Okay sir, would you like me to send you a cancellation form?"
Stupid Customer - .... *CLICK*
APOLOGIES RE. LACK OF RECENT POSTS!
Okay folks. So I'm not dead.
And lord knows I certainly haven't just had a run of getting reaaaaally nice customers ;)
I've not been able to post as often as I'd like as I've been off my normal daily work duties and away in training-land. I am being upskilled, which can only lead to more stupid customer stories, the way that I see it. The more customers you speak with, the more idiots you are sure to encounter :D
Fear not, the posts will still come in as I am curerntly being afforded a few short hours a day in my normal role.
So please peoples, have no fear as to the fate of this site. And again, I am not dead ;)
Saturday 3 December 2011
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi, I've lost all of my log ins and I need to get them all sent to me plus I want a record of all my claims and payments too"
Me - "Okay sir, I'll bring up your details, what was your membership number to start with?"
Stupid Customer - "Oh yeah, I don't have that either. All I can give you is my name, you can bring up all my information that way right, I just need all my log in and password details over the phone okay"
Me - "Okay...and what was your full name there sir?"
*He gives me this*
Me - "Okay, thanks for that. And just your date of birth and address please"
*He gives me the address*
Me - "Thanks sir, and just lastly your date of birth please"
Stupid Customer - "Ummmm, I'm 35"
Me - "Okay, but I just need the exact date of birth thanks"
Stupid Customer - "Ummm, October"
Me - "Okay, and the year and date of the month?"
Stupid Customer - "Ummm....look! I told you, I just need all my login and password details and a breakdown of all my claims and payments, stop wasting my time, I already gave you my details!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir but providing your full date of birth is one of our standard security measures"
Stupid Customer - "Oh yeah? Well what if I just don't give it to you then, huh? What happens then?"
Me - "Then I won't be able to proceed with the call, sorry sir"
Stupid Customer - "Get me your manager"
Me - "Okay, but I do have to mention that these calls are recorded, the phone number you have called form appears on the phone, it's *reads out his number*, and my manager will be wanting to know why you are after such personal information when you cannot even recall your own date of birth. But yeah definitely, if you want me to get a manager, I'll go grab one for you now sir"
Stupid Customer - *CLICK*
Yeah.
That's what I thought, b*tch.
Stupid Customer - "Yeah hi, I've lost all of my log ins and I need to get them all sent to me plus I want a record of all my claims and payments too"
Me - "Okay sir, I'll bring up your details, what was your membership number to start with?"
Stupid Customer - "Oh yeah, I don't have that either. All I can give you is my name, you can bring up all my information that way right, I just need all my log in and password details over the phone okay"
Me - "Okay...and what was your full name there sir?"
*He gives me this*
Me - "Okay, thanks for that. And just your date of birth and address please"
*He gives me the address*
Me - "Thanks sir, and just lastly your date of birth please"
Stupid Customer - "Ummmm, I'm 35"
Me - "Okay, but I just need the exact date of birth thanks"
Stupid Customer - "Ummm, October"
Me - "Okay, and the year and date of the month?"
Stupid Customer - "Ummm....look! I told you, I just need all my login and password details and a breakdown of all my claims and payments, stop wasting my time, I already gave you my details!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir but providing your full date of birth is one of our standard security measures"
Stupid Customer - "Oh yeah? Well what if I just don't give it to you then, huh? What happens then?"
Me - "Then I won't be able to proceed with the call, sorry sir"
Stupid Customer - "Get me your manager"
Me - "Okay, but I do have to mention that these calls are recorded, the phone number you have called form appears on the phone, it's *reads out his number*, and my manager will be wanting to know why you are after such personal information when you cannot even recall your own date of birth. But yeah definitely, if you want me to get a manager, I'll go grab one for you now sir"
Stupid Customer - *CLICK*
Yeah.
That's what I thought, b*tch.
SIGHTING
I witnessed this earlier this morning at the supermarket. It was early, about 6am. I didn't think people could be so passionately stupid so early in the morning, but hey, I was proven wrong!
Checkout chick is scanning this dude's groceries. Checkout chick looks to be about 15. Dude looks to be about 70, and angry. And grumpy.
Checkout Check - "Okay sir, that will be $78.95 please"
Grumpy Old Dude, erupting - "WHAT?!"
Checkout Chick - "Um...that comes to $78.95 please"
Grumpy Old Dude - "WHAT?!"
Checkout Chick - "Ah...your total is $78.95 please sir"
Grumpy Old Dude - "I'm not deaf! I think you'll find that you need to spend less time here at work and more time back in school, because you can't count for sh*t young lady!"
Checkout Chick - "Um, okay, well the items are all added up automatically by the register sir, but if you believe there is some kind of error I can void out the transaction and run it through again if you like..."
Grumpy Old Dude - "No! You won't be wasting any of my bloody time with that rubbish, you should be adding all of this up in your head! Why are you using a machine to add up, do they teach you young people nothing at school these days? See this is what's wrong with the world today, they're producing idiots through the school system! You should be able to add up in your head young lady!"
*At this stage he is being so loud that half the store can hear him ranting on, and sure enough, a manager quickly appears*
Manager - "What seems to be the problem sir?"
Grumpy Old Dude - "I'll tell you what the bloody problem is, this young girl here can't add for sh*t and overcharged me!"
Manager - "Well sir, items are scanned in through the register automatically, so I'll need to just check that something hasn't scanned through twice or something..."
Grumpy Old Dude - "Yeah that's what she's done, that stupid girl, she's scanned my items more than once and overcharged me! I hope you let he go for this, I'm a pensioner and I can't afford to be scammed by these bloody young people!"
Manager - "Okay sir...well I mean, I've looked through your items and nothing was scanned twice..."
*he grabs the receipt out of her hand and starts to analyse it fevereshly*
Grumpy Old Dude - "There! There! See! There it is! She overcharged me on the tomatoes!"
Manager - "Okay, let's take a look...okay sir, well the tomatoes are listed here as 40 cents each, you bough 6 of them, and were charged $2.40. So I can't see that you were overcharged sir?"
Grumpy Old Dude - "See! none of you can add, this is why our country has gone to ruins! 40 cents by 6, 40 cents by 6, what's so hard about that?! Do you need a calculator, huh? Why can people these days not add up!"
Manager - "Sir, I'm sorry but 40 cents by 6 does in fact equal $2.40..."
Grumpy Old Dude - "No wonder our country has gone to sh*t!"
At this stage, he picked up his bag of groceries and THREW them all over the floor and stormed out, ranting to himself.
So, not only was HE the dumbass he couldn't count, he felt it necessary to end the scene by acting like a 2-yr old child.
Niiiiiiice [insert eye rolling]
And for the record, the lovely checkout chick was understandably a little bit shaken but otherwise okay :)
I witnessed this earlier this morning at the supermarket. It was early, about 6am. I didn't think people could be so passionately stupid so early in the morning, but hey, I was proven wrong!
Checkout chick is scanning this dude's groceries. Checkout chick looks to be about 15. Dude looks to be about 70, and angry. And grumpy.
Checkout Check - "Okay sir, that will be $78.95 please"
Grumpy Old Dude, erupting - "WHAT?!"
Checkout Chick - "Um...that comes to $78.95 please"
Grumpy Old Dude - "WHAT?!"
Checkout Chick - "Ah...your total is $78.95 please sir"
Grumpy Old Dude - "I'm not deaf! I think you'll find that you need to spend less time here at work and more time back in school, because you can't count for sh*t young lady!"
Checkout Chick - "Um, okay, well the items are all added up automatically by the register sir, but if you believe there is some kind of error I can void out the transaction and run it through again if you like..."
Grumpy Old Dude - "No! You won't be wasting any of my bloody time with that rubbish, you should be adding all of this up in your head! Why are you using a machine to add up, do they teach you young people nothing at school these days? See this is what's wrong with the world today, they're producing idiots through the school system! You should be able to add up in your head young lady!"
*At this stage he is being so loud that half the store can hear him ranting on, and sure enough, a manager quickly appears*
Manager - "What seems to be the problem sir?"
Grumpy Old Dude - "I'll tell you what the bloody problem is, this young girl here can't add for sh*t and overcharged me!"
Manager - "Well sir, items are scanned in through the register automatically, so I'll need to just check that something hasn't scanned through twice or something..."
Grumpy Old Dude - "Yeah that's what she's done, that stupid girl, she's scanned my items more than once and overcharged me! I hope you let he go for this, I'm a pensioner and I can't afford to be scammed by these bloody young people!"
Manager - "Okay sir...well I mean, I've looked through your items and nothing was scanned twice..."
*he grabs the receipt out of her hand and starts to analyse it fevereshly*
Grumpy Old Dude - "There! There! See! There it is! She overcharged me on the tomatoes!"
Manager - "Okay, let's take a look...okay sir, well the tomatoes are listed here as 40 cents each, you bough 6 of them, and were charged $2.40. So I can't see that you were overcharged sir?"
Grumpy Old Dude - "See! none of you can add, this is why our country has gone to ruins! 40 cents by 6, 40 cents by 6, what's so hard about that?! Do you need a calculator, huh? Why can people these days not add up!"
Manager - "Sir, I'm sorry but 40 cents by 6 does in fact equal $2.40..."
Grumpy Old Dude - "No wonder our country has gone to sh*t!"
At this stage, he picked up his bag of groceries and THREW them all over the floor and stormed out, ranting to himself.
So, not only was HE the dumbass he couldn't count, he felt it necessary to end the scene by acting like a 2-yr old child.
Niiiiiiice [insert eye rolling]
And for the record, the lovely checkout chick was understandably a little bit shaken but otherwise okay :)
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Ummmmm, yeah....so I, like, need to update, like, my thing..."
Me - "Okay sir...what thing was it that you needed to update today"
Stupid Customer, sounding annoyed - "You know, the thing! Ugh!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, no, I don't know which thing it is you're referring to. Did you need to update contact details? Change your policy? I need some direction if I'm going to be able to assist you sir..."
Stupid Customer - "Oh my god! The thing! You know....ummmmm....like, the f*cking thing, like der!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, I have no idea what you're talking about"
Stupid Customer, muttering - "Yeah, that's 'cause you're a f*cking dumb b*tch"
Me - "Yeah, no-one can update something for you sir if you aren't able to convey what it is you want updated. Did you want to go and sort yourself out and then perhaps call us back when you know what it is you need from us today?"
Stupid Customer - "No.....I'm not hanging up until, like, you update....um, my thing...[again muttering] you dumb b*tch..."
Me - "Okay, well I'm sorry sir but as mentioned, I need specific information, without that I cannot assist you, and I have other calls waiting to come through..."
Stupid Customer - "No! I'm, like, not hanging up! You can't just hang up on a customer just 'cause they be, like, showing you up and all! That's, like, not professional services to be having! Yeah!"
Me - "So to clarfiy sir, you're saying you will not hang up the line?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! I'm, like, not hanging up till you fix my sh*t!"
Me - "Okay, one moment please sir"
I transferred his call to an empty desk where it just sat there.
He had called in himself, from a mobile/cell phone.
Last we checked, he had been sitting there for about 35 minutes, before the line finally dropped out.
I can only assume his phone finally ran out of credit. Which was the aim. Fist pumps all round, yo
Stupid Customer - "Ummmmm, yeah....so I, like, need to update, like, my thing..."
Me - "Okay sir...what thing was it that you needed to update today"
Stupid Customer, sounding annoyed - "You know, the thing! Ugh!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, no, I don't know which thing it is you're referring to. Did you need to update contact details? Change your policy? I need some direction if I'm going to be able to assist you sir..."
Stupid Customer - "Oh my god! The thing! You know....ummmmm....like, the f*cking thing, like der!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, I have no idea what you're talking about"
Stupid Customer, muttering - "Yeah, that's 'cause you're a f*cking dumb b*tch"
Me - "Yeah, no-one can update something for you sir if you aren't able to convey what it is you want updated. Did you want to go and sort yourself out and then perhaps call us back when you know what it is you need from us today?"
Stupid Customer - "No.....I'm not hanging up until, like, you update....um, my thing...[again muttering] you dumb b*tch..."
Me - "Okay, well I'm sorry sir but as mentioned, I need specific information, without that I cannot assist you, and I have other calls waiting to come through..."
Stupid Customer - "No! I'm, like, not hanging up! You can't just hang up on a customer just 'cause they be, like, showing you up and all! That's, like, not professional services to be having! Yeah!"
Me - "So to clarfiy sir, you're saying you will not hang up the line?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! I'm, like, not hanging up till you fix my sh*t!"
Me - "Okay, one moment please sir"
I transferred his call to an empty desk where it just sat there.
He had called in himself, from a mobile/cell phone.
Last we checked, he had been sitting there for about 35 minutes, before the line finally dropped out.
I can only assume his phone finally ran out of credit. Which was the aim. Fist pumps all round, yo
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "I'm trying to get to your office in *complete different, wrong location*. I'm lost, can you help me get there?"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, that' not one of our offices. Were you after Health Insurance Inc?"
Stupid Customer - "No. I need *competitor of ours*"
Me - "Oh ok, yeah, that's a different company, I'm sure if you give them a call they will be able to help you with directions"
Stupid Customer - "*SIGH* So you can't help me then?"
Me - "I'm afraid not ma'am, you've called the wrong company"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. My. GOD!!!!"
Me - "........."
Stupid Customer - "Holy CR*P!"
Me - "........"
Stupid Customer - "WOAH!"
Me - "O...kay. So was there anything else I could do for you today ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "ARGHHHHHHHH!"
Me - "........."
Stupid Customer - "Oh sweet baby Jesus!"
Me - "........."
Stupid Customer - "ARGHHHHH oh Mary mother of Joseph, ARGHHHHH!"... *CLICK*
O____O
Stupid Customer - "I'm trying to get to your office in *complete different, wrong location*. I'm lost, can you help me get there?"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, that' not one of our offices. Were you after Health Insurance Inc?"
Stupid Customer - "No. I need *competitor of ours*"
Me - "Oh ok, yeah, that's a different company, I'm sure if you give them a call they will be able to help you with directions"
Stupid Customer - "*SIGH* So you can't help me then?"
Me - "I'm afraid not ma'am, you've called the wrong company"
Stupid Customer - "Oh. My. GOD!!!!"
Me - "........."
Stupid Customer - "Holy CR*P!"
Me - "........"
Stupid Customer - "WOAH!"
Me - "O...kay. So was there anything else I could do for you today ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "ARGHHHHHHHH!"
Me - "........."
Stupid Customer - "Oh sweet baby Jesus!"
Me - "........."
Stupid Customer - "ARGHHHHH oh Mary mother of Joseph, ARGHHHHH!"... *CLICK*
O____O
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer, yelling - "What haven't you paid my claim yet?!"
*I bring up the policy, have a look, and voila...*
Me - "Thanks for waiting there sir. Okay, so I can see that this claim was actually processed a few days ago, we sent the money to the bank account we had on file for you but it was returned with a message stating that the bank account was closed. So we sent you a cheque in place of that, and that was mailed yesterday you I imagine you should receive that in the next day or two sir"
Stupid Customer - "What! I have a new bank account!"
Me - "Yes, it would appear so sir, would you like me to..."
*talks over me*
Stupid Customer - "So why the hell did you send the payment to my old bank account? Are you people stupid or something?!"
*I read through the notes...*
Me - "Okay sir, well I mean, there are no notes here indicating that you contacted us to update your bank account details, so..."
*talks over me again*
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I know I didn't let you people know!"
Me - "......."
Stupid Customer - "So how come you paid to the wrong account, huh?"
Me - "Ah...well sir, if you don't let us know that an account has been closed and provide us with the new bank account details, we have no way of knowing that this has taken place..."
Stupid Customer - "Bullsh*t! You people shouldv'e known!"
Me - "Okay. I'm sorry sir, how would we have known this?"
Stupid Customer - "You just shouldv'e known!"
Me - "Okay sir, well you did not notify us, therefore we did not know. Now, that cheque, as mentioned, should reach you in the next few days. So this doesn't happen again, did you want me to update your bank details now for you?"
Stupid Customer - "No! You shoudlv'e known, and now I have to wait to receive this bloody cheque, then i have to waste my time banking it! You people are idiots!"... *CLICK*
Yeah. He didn't update his details.
So next time he makes a claim, the same thing will happen again.
I left a note saying I asked for the details and he hung up on me after ranting for a lil' bit, so my butt is covered.
Can't wait till he calls in the next time this happens though....
"Okay sir, well I can see that you refused to provide your new bank details last time you called, and since then we still have not mastered our telepathic skills, so once again, you'll get your cheque in a few days time, thanks for calling!"
Moron.
Stupid Customer, yelling - "What haven't you paid my claim yet?!"
*I bring up the policy, have a look, and voila...*
Me - "Thanks for waiting there sir. Okay, so I can see that this claim was actually processed a few days ago, we sent the money to the bank account we had on file for you but it was returned with a message stating that the bank account was closed. So we sent you a cheque in place of that, and that was mailed yesterday you I imagine you should receive that in the next day or two sir"
Stupid Customer - "What! I have a new bank account!"
Me - "Yes, it would appear so sir, would you like me to..."
*talks over me*
Stupid Customer - "So why the hell did you send the payment to my old bank account? Are you people stupid or something?!"
*I read through the notes...*
Me - "Okay sir, well I mean, there are no notes here indicating that you contacted us to update your bank account details, so..."
*talks over me again*
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I know I didn't let you people know!"
Me - "......."
Stupid Customer - "So how come you paid to the wrong account, huh?"
Me - "Ah...well sir, if you don't let us know that an account has been closed and provide us with the new bank account details, we have no way of knowing that this has taken place..."
Stupid Customer - "Bullsh*t! You people shouldv'e known!"
Me - "Okay. I'm sorry sir, how would we have known this?"
Stupid Customer - "You just shouldv'e known!"
Me - "Okay sir, well you did not notify us, therefore we did not know. Now, that cheque, as mentioned, should reach you in the next few days. So this doesn't happen again, did you want me to update your bank details now for you?"
Stupid Customer - "No! You shoudlv'e known, and now I have to wait to receive this bloody cheque, then i have to waste my time banking it! You people are idiots!"... *CLICK*
Yeah. He didn't update his details.
So next time he makes a claim, the same thing will happen again.
I left a note saying I asked for the details and he hung up on me after ranting for a lil' bit, so my butt is covered.
Can't wait till he calls in the next time this happens though....
"Okay sir, well I can see that you refused to provide your new bank details last time you called, and since then we still have not mastered our telepathic skills, so once again, you'll get your cheque in a few days time, thanks for calling!"
Moron.
[Wow, when I go sooo long without posting - thank you very much, stupid internet crashing on me! - it is scary just how many posts I have to catch up on...makes me realise just how many complete dumba*s customers I speak to on an almost daily basis O___O ]
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Where abouts are your offices?"
*I direct her to the website, where she can go through the *many* office locations we have all over the country*
Stupid Customer - "Hmmm, no, no, this wont do. None of them are anywhere near me. I live in a remote location"
Me - "Oh okay, well I can answer any queries you may have over the phone now if you like, and I give you some mailign details if you need to send anything through?"
Stupid Customer - *she starts giving me an address*
Me - "Uh, ma'am? Hi....what was the address that you're giving me for?"
Stupid Customer, in a tone as if to say 'well DER' - "*SIGH* it's my address! And can you make sure someone comes here between 3 and 4pm tomorrow, the rest of the day i'm busy with my shopping and then I like to take a nap afterwards"
Me - "Uh...okay. I'm sorry ma'am, the fund doesn't actually make house visits, in any situation..."
Stupid Customer - "WHAT! Well, I'll have you know that I am outraged and disgusted by this! Does your company not CARE about it's customers then? is that what this is? You just don't care!"
Me - "No ma'am, we do of course care about our customers, however house visits are simply not a service offered by our fund"
Stupid Customer - "Well! I've been a member for more than 5 years, and I'll have you know that I'll be taking my business elsehwere after this! I'll go somewhere where they CARE about their customers!"
Me - "Okay ma'am, well to cancel your policy we do need that request in writing. If you have a pen and paper handy I can give you the mailing address you will need for that. Also, if you like, I can put a stop of your payments here in the meantime, to make the cancellation process a bit quicker for you?"
Stupid Customer, now stumbling over her words - "Huh? No...no...don't touch my payments, um....no.....I will, just...ummm....maybe, have a ..look...later...but don't cancel anything!".... *CLICK*
Okay, so here is the deal.
I understand that sometimes if we cant do something for you, you are not going to be happy.
That is normal, and completely understandable.
And if you are being nice and normal and resonable, I have no qualms with you expressing how upset you are etc. All good and to be expected.
HOWEVER.
These days, as soon as people start on with the whole 'OHH I am going to CANCEL, what do you think about that?!"
What do I think about that?
Okay. Well, hand me your things, I will help you pack faster and will also show you the door.
I no longer have time for people who think that by threatenng me with their business, I am going to bend over for me.
Nope. Not gonna happen, folks
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Where abouts are your offices?"
*I direct her to the website, where she can go through the *many* office locations we have all over the country*
Stupid Customer - "Hmmm, no, no, this wont do. None of them are anywhere near me. I live in a remote location"
Me - "Oh okay, well I can answer any queries you may have over the phone now if you like, and I give you some mailign details if you need to send anything through?"
Stupid Customer - *she starts giving me an address*
Me - "Uh, ma'am? Hi....what was the address that you're giving me for?"
Stupid Customer, in a tone as if to say 'well DER' - "*SIGH* it's my address! And can you make sure someone comes here between 3 and 4pm tomorrow, the rest of the day i'm busy with my shopping and then I like to take a nap afterwards"
Me - "Uh...okay. I'm sorry ma'am, the fund doesn't actually make house visits, in any situation..."
Stupid Customer - "WHAT! Well, I'll have you know that I am outraged and disgusted by this! Does your company not CARE about it's customers then? is that what this is? You just don't care!"
Me - "No ma'am, we do of course care about our customers, however house visits are simply not a service offered by our fund"
Stupid Customer - "Well! I've been a member for more than 5 years, and I'll have you know that I'll be taking my business elsehwere after this! I'll go somewhere where they CARE about their customers!"
Me - "Okay ma'am, well to cancel your policy we do need that request in writing. If you have a pen and paper handy I can give you the mailing address you will need for that. Also, if you like, I can put a stop of your payments here in the meantime, to make the cancellation process a bit quicker for you?"
Stupid Customer, now stumbling over her words - "Huh? No...no...don't touch my payments, um....no.....I will, just...ummm....maybe, have a ..look...later...but don't cancel anything!".... *CLICK*
Okay, so here is the deal.
I understand that sometimes if we cant do something for you, you are not going to be happy.
That is normal, and completely understandable.
And if you are being nice and normal and resonable, I have no qualms with you expressing how upset you are etc. All good and to be expected.
HOWEVER.
These days, as soon as people start on with the whole 'OHH I am going to CANCEL, what do you think about that?!"
What do I think about that?
Okay. Well, hand me your things, I will help you pack faster and will also show you the door.
I no longer have time for people who think that by threatenng me with their business, I am going to bend over for me.
Nope. Not gonna happen, folks
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "Hi! I'm calling to make a dental claim, please"
Me - "Sure ma'am, what was your memebrship number?"
Stupid Customer - "Membership number? Uh, I don't think I have one of those..."
Me - "That's okay, I'll jut bring up your policy using your name, if I could pleease start with your surname?"
Stupid Customer - "Policy? Uh, I don't one of those either..."
Me - "Uh..."
Stupid Customer - "I just went to the dentist last week and spent about $3000 on some work I got done there, and I googled this on the net and it said I could claim on dental and to just call this number here, so I just want to claim, that's all..."
Me - "O....kay then. So are you a member of the health fund, ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "The website didn't say anything about having to be a member"
Me - "Okay. Well, to be able to claim on a service, you do have to be a member of the health fund. And you will have had to serve your waiting periods as well. In this case, if it was major dental work you got done, that has a 12 month wait"
Stupid Customer - "Oh no, that's ok, I don't want to wait 12 mths, I'm just going to claim it now thanks"
Me - "Er, no, sorry ma'am, what I'm saying is that you would need to firstly join the health fund, and you can then only claim on major dental services that take place 12 months AFTER you have joined"
Stupid Customer - "But I went to the dentist last week"
Me - "Right. You aren't able to claim on this ma'am"
Stupid Customer - "What! But your website says I can!"
Me - "I'm on the site right now ma'am, it says on the home page you can claim on eigible services after you have joined and served your waiting periods"
Stupid Customer - "It doesn't say that anywjere!"
Me - "It says it in clear black block letters, and is right in front of you when you go to the website, it's actually all you can really see when you open it up"
Stupid Customer - "Whatever. So I just want to do my claim now please"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, as advised, you cannot claim on this dental visit"
Stupid Customer - "This is stupid! You're such a rip-off!"... *CLICK*
Stupid Customer - "Hi! I'm calling to make a dental claim, please"
Me - "Sure ma'am, what was your memebrship number?"
Stupid Customer - "Membership number? Uh, I don't think I have one of those..."
Me - "That's okay, I'll jut bring up your policy using your name, if I could pleease start with your surname?"
Stupid Customer - "Policy? Uh, I don't one of those either..."
Me - "Uh..."
Stupid Customer - "I just went to the dentist last week and spent about $3000 on some work I got done there, and I googled this on the net and it said I could claim on dental and to just call this number here, so I just want to claim, that's all..."
Me - "O....kay then. So are you a member of the health fund, ma'am?"
Stupid Customer - "The website didn't say anything about having to be a member"
Me - "Okay. Well, to be able to claim on a service, you do have to be a member of the health fund. And you will have had to serve your waiting periods as well. In this case, if it was major dental work you got done, that has a 12 month wait"
Stupid Customer - "Oh no, that's ok, I don't want to wait 12 mths, I'm just going to claim it now thanks"
Me - "Er, no, sorry ma'am, what I'm saying is that you would need to firstly join the health fund, and you can then only claim on major dental services that take place 12 months AFTER you have joined"
Stupid Customer - "But I went to the dentist last week"
Me - "Right. You aren't able to claim on this ma'am"
Stupid Customer - "What! But your website says I can!"
Me - "I'm on the site right now ma'am, it says on the home page you can claim on eigible services after you have joined and served your waiting periods"
Stupid Customer - "It doesn't say that anywjere!"
Me - "It says it in clear black block letters, and is right in front of you when you go to the website, it's actually all you can really see when you open it up"
Stupid Customer - "Whatever. So I just want to do my claim now please"
Me - "I'm sorry ma'am, as advised, you cannot claim on this dental visit"
Stupid Customer - "This is stupid! You're such a rip-off!"... *CLICK*
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer, yelling - "I've had to call in over and OVER for this sh*t, it's f*ckig ridiculous and I'm taking you idiots to f*cking court and to the media! EVERY single f*cking time I try and make a claim, you f*cks knock me back. So what the f*ck am I paying all this f*cking money for each month, huh? Cause you f*cks aren't givin' me nothin' back, so what the f*ck am I paying for, huh?"
Me - "Okay sir, what was your membership number and I'll take a loook for..."
*talks over me*
Stupid Customer - "NO, no I 'm not giving you my f*cking membership number, or my name, or my f*cking date of birth, or my address, or my phone number...I'm wearing red underwear, you wanna know that too, huh? HUH! Well f*ck you, I'm not telling you anything, you can go suck my d*ck! I'm gonna sue every single one of you f*cks for everything you got, I'm sick to f*cking death of not getting paid for anything!"
Me - "Okay sir, if I can just bring up your membership I'll be able to take a look for you..."
Stupid Customer - "F*ck you! I'm not giving you anything you b*tch, I'm just going to sue the f*ck out of you, and hey, when I go to the media, you're going to be out of a f*cking job so quick you wont know what the f*ck hit you!...*CLICK*
*clapping*
Good job, f*ckface.
Boy, you really showed me!
I can't action ANYTHING without knowing who the f*ck you are, or what's happened with your policy.
All you did just then was make sure that I got paid for several minutes of doing absolutely nothing. Didn't have to lift a finger.
Thanks buddy ;)
Stupid Customer, yelling - "I've had to call in over and OVER for this sh*t, it's f*ckig ridiculous and I'm taking you idiots to f*cking court and to the media! EVERY single f*cking time I try and make a claim, you f*cks knock me back. So what the f*ck am I paying all this f*cking money for each month, huh? Cause you f*cks aren't givin' me nothin' back, so what the f*ck am I paying for, huh?"
Me - "Okay sir, what was your membership number and I'll take a loook for..."
*talks over me*
Stupid Customer - "NO, no I 'm not giving you my f*cking membership number, or my name, or my f*cking date of birth, or my address, or my phone number...I'm wearing red underwear, you wanna know that too, huh? HUH! Well f*ck you, I'm not telling you anything, you can go suck my d*ck! I'm gonna sue every single one of you f*cks for everything you got, I'm sick to f*cking death of not getting paid for anything!"
Me - "Okay sir, if I can just bring up your membership I'll be able to take a look for you..."
Stupid Customer - "F*ck you! I'm not giving you anything you b*tch, I'm just going to sue the f*ck out of you, and hey, when I go to the media, you're going to be out of a f*cking job so quick you wont know what the f*ck hit you!...*CLICK*
*clapping*
Good job, f*ckface.
Boy, you really showed me!
I can't action ANYTHING without knowing who the f*ck you are, or what's happened with your policy.
All you did just then was make sure that I got paid for several minutes of doing absolutely nothing. Didn't have to lift a finger.
Thanks buddy ;)
Friday 2 December 2011
Me - "Welcome to Health Insurance Inc, how can I help you?"
Stupid Customer - "My con-poo-ta told me I'm not allowed to print out my forms and I gotta call you"
Me - "Okay sir...so, this was a form from our website was it?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I had to go to hospital a few weeks ago in one of those car thigns with the sirens, 'cause I was in the yard tryin' to mow the lawn and then before I knew what had happened I was kinda like inside the lawn mower or something, like my legs were gone and then there was blood and s*it, so I was yellin' for me missus to come help but then I remembered she left me like 2 years ago, so then I was just yellin' and hollering cause you know, my legs were being eaten by the machine and all, and then a neighbour friend of mine, she yelled out that she could see me and was calling that car with the lights and then they came and took me there me to their premises to work on me which was good because I'd been eaten alive and was dead by that point. And now I gotta print out the form here for that car road trip and the con-poo-ta told me I'm not allowed, so now I'm callin' you to see if you can unblock me"
Me, mouth agape - "O...kay sir. So I take it you need to print out a claim form for an ambulance trip that was required after a recent incident with a lawn mower. Is that correct?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! Yeah that be right"
Me - "Right. Okay sir, well usually we don't 'ban' our customers from being able to print out forms. Could you please read to me the error message you have on your screen there?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, for sure. Okay, you ready? Yeah. Okay, so it says here at the top that 'print job not allowed'. No, like, I just need you to allow me,okay?"
Me - "Ah, no, no I don't believe we're blocking you sir. Does it say anything else?"
Stupid Customer - "Nah. Just that. Look, can you just unblock it cause I gotta take a pi*s and the longer you make me wait the more chance there is I just gonna pi*s all over myself"
Me - "Okay. Well this sounds like an issue on your end with the computer sir...if it doesn't say anything else you may need to contact the technical support for your..."
*talks over me*
Stupid Customer - "I dunno if this has anything to do with it or what, it's probably not important, but the con-poo-ta says below that that the printer is out of paper, and I need to refill it. Should I do that? Cause, like, I dont wanna break the con-poo-ta"
Me, banging my head on my desk - "Yes sir, I believe that refilling the paper in your printer will solve everything for you, and you will be able to print your form"
Stupid Customer - "So you unblocked it right?"
Me - ".......ah, yes, yes I've unblocked it on my end. Now all you need to do to complete the process is put more paper in the printer. Then you can print the form"
Stupid Customer - "Hey thanks heaps lady! I'm gonna go get this paper situation sorted out, then I'm gonna go take a pi*s, thanks!" ... *CLICK*
Stupid Customer - "My con-poo-ta told me I'm not allowed to print out my forms and I gotta call you"
Me - "Okay sir...so, this was a form from our website was it?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, I had to go to hospital a few weeks ago in one of those car thigns with the sirens, 'cause I was in the yard tryin' to mow the lawn and then before I knew what had happened I was kinda like inside the lawn mower or something, like my legs were gone and then there was blood and s*it, so I was yellin' for me missus to come help but then I remembered she left me like 2 years ago, so then I was just yellin' and hollering cause you know, my legs were being eaten by the machine and all, and then a neighbour friend of mine, she yelled out that she could see me and was calling that car with the lights and then they came and took me there me to their premises to work on me which was good because I'd been eaten alive and was dead by that point. And now I gotta print out the form here for that car road trip and the con-poo-ta told me I'm not allowed, so now I'm callin' you to see if you can unblock me"
Me, mouth agape - "O...kay sir. So I take it you need to print out a claim form for an ambulance trip that was required after a recent incident with a lawn mower. Is that correct?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah! Yeah that be right"
Me - "Right. Okay sir, well usually we don't 'ban' our customers from being able to print out forms. Could you please read to me the error message you have on your screen there?"
Stupid Customer - "Yeah, for sure. Okay, you ready? Yeah. Okay, so it says here at the top that 'print job not allowed'. No, like, I just need you to allow me,okay?"
Me - "Ah, no, no I don't believe we're blocking you sir. Does it say anything else?"
Stupid Customer - "Nah. Just that. Look, can you just unblock it cause I gotta take a pi*s and the longer you make me wait the more chance there is I just gonna pi*s all over myself"
Me - "Okay. Well this sounds like an issue on your end with the computer sir...if it doesn't say anything else you may need to contact the technical support for your..."
*talks over me*
Stupid Customer - "I dunno if this has anything to do with it or what, it's probably not important, but the con-poo-ta says below that that the printer is out of paper, and I need to refill it. Should I do that? Cause, like, I dont wanna break the con-poo-ta"
Me, banging my head on my desk - "Yes sir, I believe that refilling the paper in your printer will solve everything for you, and you will be able to print your form"
Stupid Customer - "So you unblocked it right?"
Me - ".......ah, yes, yes I've unblocked it on my end. Now all you need to do to complete the process is put more paper in the printer. Then you can print the form"
Stupid Customer - "Hey thanks heaps lady! I'm gonna go get this paper situation sorted out, then I'm gonna go take a pi*s, thanks!" ... *CLICK*
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